I just returned from Chuck E Cheese!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, the day that I have been dreading arrived. Some folks we know were having a party for their kids and decided to hold it at Chuck E Cheese.

I had heard the rumors, and read the threads. I knew what I was getting into. Hell, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. Really, how bad could it be? So I squared my shoulders, girded my loins and fortified myself with a very dry martini (well, ok, 2) and my wife and I set out (she drove for those of you keeping track).

My friends, I am here to tell you that I have gazed into the very maw of hell.

As I walked in the door, I literally stopped dead in my tracks. My jaw dropped open. The noise! The strobe-like flashing of a thousand video games! Hoards of screeching children running about like a scene from Lord of the Flies (I swear I saw one of them sharpening a spear at both ends).

Well, I shook it off with some difficulty and started in. That is when things got weird. They had this teenaged girl and the entrance that lifted this velvet rope to let us in, as if this was some highly sought after premier or some exclusive club that we were being allowed to attend.

Then there was this stage with these curtains that opened at random intervals to reveal these demonic animatronics. There was like this mouse, some toothy purple thing and a duck in drag. I swear that they were making eye contact. Oh there was also spinning colored lights that went off every time the satanic robots started up.

All along the ceiling was this kiddy habitrail made of brightly colored plastic and swaying ominously under the weight of the children.

They also had some dude in the mouse suit running around. At one point, with the help of employees, he induced the kids into this huge conga line that snaked through the whole place. I could not help but look on in horror at the dead eyes of the employees that were forced to participate in this ritual. Indeed, were I a religious man, I would pray for their salvation.

And the strange thing about all of this is that everyone was acting like nothing was wrong. Like we hadn’t gone terribly, terribly wrong somewhere as a culture to allow things to come to this. I have seen the devil, and he is a furry mouse.

I am going to put a cool cloth on my forehead and lie down now.

2

I am so sorry for your pain. You have, however, survived an important ritual that marks a significant step of maturity. There are many strong men who could not face what you have faced.

Take courage. The birthday parties get better with time. Today, in fact, I had the heady experience of dropping off my 11-year-old at someone’s house and then picking her up three whole hours later. Your day will come.

3

Oh man I used to love that place…Last time I went their for a kid’s party it wasn’t the noise that turned me off it was the pizza because it tasted like cardboard.
I can’t say if all of Charles E. Cheese’s restaurants are like that but that particular day in that restaurant the pizza tasted like cardboard with cheese. :smack:

4

Preach it! I had to eat a bit to be polite, and some 5 hours later my digestive system is still protesting.

5

Hell, at 31 I’d eat a good meal first, then just go there to play Skee-Ball. Damn I love that game. And the tickets! And the erasers!! And the single pieces of Starburst candy!!! Oh, how I miss Chuck’s place! :mad:

6

:eek: . To me it was over stimulating hell. I guess it takes all kinds.

7

Yeah, but when I’m in a manic swing, 2 pitchers of beer and some kids to strongarm for thier tickets is all I need. ::evil looking smilie:: :smiley:

8

Someone was talking about Chuck E. Cheese the other day and it took me 3 hours to remember the name of the other kid’s pizza chain from my childhood that had even freakier looking animatronic creatures. Showbiz Pizza. And instead of a mouse, there was a big, goofy-looking bear wearing a bowler hat. Otherwise, the place was exactly the same as Chuck E. Cheese.

9

:Shudder: If they were any frearkier, I would have gone insane as if I had gazed on the face of one of the elder gods.

10

Does anyone else have a chain in your area called Planet Pizza? Never been there, but it’s big in ND and from what I know of it sounds like CEC.

11

Yet in our youth (I’m 37) we ate up video arcades with the noise and the light and it seemed not hellish at all.

I agree that the food is horrific. No pizza deserves to have that much sugar in it. Ugh.

12

Man, you have my sympathies.
My daughter is just turning 2, so she’s a little young for that type of birthday party. Still, I am trying already for her to cultivate the kind of friends who will NOT have their parties at Chuck E. Cheese. How wrong (and futile) is that?
Very, I know.

I’m shuddering for you—and for my future self.

13

Two martinis isn’t nearly enough to put up with that place. Two DOUBLE martinis is what you needed…

14

You answered your own question, my friend.

I hope you’re feeling better.

15

Chuck E. Cheese! :eek: A child of two friends of mine was absolutely terrified of Chuck E. Cheese. She’d freak if that mutant rat got anywhere near her. Of course her sister, being the evil sibling that was her duty, couldn’t get enough of the place and would beg to go there. :smiley: The child who was frightened of CEC is now eighteen and still says it would give her nightmares if she ever went there and saw him.

I agree one hunnert percent with her. Cept for the Skee Ball. The Skee Ball is great. Fortunately, the FunLand Park has miniature golf and Skee Ball, so I can satisfy my need for Skee Ball without walking into hell…err… Chuck E. Cheese.

Binarydrone you are a brave man. I salute you!

16

How did you know it was a male duck?

17

An OP ranting about Chuck E Cheese that does not mention the food? Obviously the sights and sound worked as an appetite suppresant…
… or, more likely, the smell. Not of the kids and their full diapers, but of the pizza.
Worst. Pizza. Ever. Especially for a chain.

18

Sorry, I’m confused. Is there another kind?

Sidebar: I had nightmares about that evil mouse last night. I think that I may need to go into therapy for a while

19

Well, I can’t be sure, but I am pretty sure that the duck was sporting wood.

20

That was no duck, that was a Woodpecker! :smiley:
I have only been CEC once many years ago, it was awful. The smell, the noise…

Thank Og my girls are past that now.