I recently experienced The Horror that is Chuck E. Cheese

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Sweet fancy Moses, what a nightmare Chuck E. Cheese is. There is loud tinny calliope music, broken only when the poor, downtrodden teenagers who work there have to assemble at one end of the restaurant to sing and dance. The place is of course filled beyond capacity with running, shrieking, shouting, crying children of all ages. The lights from the games blink festively. The bells and whistles from the games go off constantly. There is a guy wandering around in a giant Chuck E. Cheese fur suit, constantly trailed by an entourage of hopping, yelling children trying to get his attention by yanking on him.

The tables are unbussed, because they are so much in demand that people are simply piling the last party’s garbage in the overflowing garbage cans before taking over the table. People without tables (including us) hover until a table frees up and then instantly take it. The tables are sticky. The floors are sticky. The soda station is six kinds of sticky. The pizza is hands-down the worst excuse for pizza I have ever eaten.

You have to buy a certain number of tokens for the games and rides with your dinner. We bought $20 worth. Once the kids had blown through those, we found we had 60 tickets. (The games, if you “win” them, pay off with tickets.) For 60 tickets we got ONE plastic ring of the type you can get out of a toy vending machine for a quarter. My sister gave it to the 3 year old and said “Enjoy your 20 dollar plastic ring.”

Of course, you can’t just eat and run (screaming) out – no, no. The fun for the kids is to use the tokens to ride the rides and/or play the games. Not wanting to infringe on their fun – the reason we were there, after all – we spent TWO HOURS in the atmosphere of flashing lights, squawking music, shrieking kids, frustrated parents, and crappy food before we could make our escape.

If you tried to invent the worst possible dining experience for me personally, I think you’d come up with Chuck E. Cheese: Over-crowded, loud, distracting, over-priced, stressful, dirty, crappy food. So now I’ve been to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time. I devoutly hope I’ve also been to Chuck E. Cheese for the last time as well.

2

I’m very, very sorry. I went to a friends’ son’s birthday party at one such place. NEVER AGAIN.

3

I went to a birthday party there once, too. I will allow you to pull my fingernails and toenails out, one at a time, and pour salt on the quick, before I allow anyone to force me to darken those doors ever again!

4

A friend of mine’s 4 year old son really, really, really wanted to go there for his birthday. He wanted his party there so bad… his mom gave in. She was trying to find a doctor who still prescribed “Mother’s Little Helper”.

Chuck E. Cheese is about number 17 on the list of reasons I am glad I am childless.

5

Haven’t been to one for a couple years - happened just before Christmas, helping my GF babysit some friend’s kids. I found the experience, well, surreal.

The stage featured the probably-obligatory mechanical cuddly creatures, including a singing group with the usual suspects. Worst one that I cannot wash out of my mind was a baby chick - who, when came time for her solo - interminable Xmas carols, oh for sure - sang with a mature, rich, soprano that should have been in Vegas. It was a beautiful voice - and a thousand miles out of place.

6

Oh, God. When I was young, Chuck E, Cheese’s was one of my favourite places to go. I probably got to go once or twice a year. Do I owe my parents a huge apology?

7

I actually like Chuck E. Cheese pizza–especially the Super Combo. I was actually very pleasantly surprised the first time I had it. IMO, pizza is like sex–even if it’s bad, it’s good. Maybe I just go to the super deluxe fancy Chuck E. Cheese where they wipe off the tables.

I love Skee-Ball, too. That’s where the parents hang out–in locked competition to hit 450,000 points and get the ticket jackpot. You wait for the kids to build up the jackpot to an acceptable amount (no one wants to do all that work for 3 extra tickets when you could get 250!) and then you pounce.

There was also the day where my husband discovered the broken Shootin’ Hoops 2000 game which was practically spewing out free tickets!

The only time I had a lousy time at Chuck E. Cheese is when my daughter was a guest at one of their birthday parties…that did seem rushed and confusing.

8

The only thing rushed about the birthday party the day we were forced to go to one was the parents trying to get out the door as soon as possible.

My husband, however, has only eaten at Chuck E. Cheese’s once, and thought it quite nice. Of course, he went there on a weekday at a time of day when there were NO children in the place; they ate a pretty good pizza, apparently, and there was no din, no screaming children, no filth, no stickiness. I keep threatening to take him back at peak Saturday hours, except, as I said, I’d rather let you pull all my nails out and pour salt on the quick first.

9

Ugh! It was sooooooo much better when they served beer. <sigh>

My first Chuck E Cheese experience was some 20 years ago and they served beer to go with the child frenzy and icky pizza. Since they’ve taken away the beer, it’s just bad. Very bad.

And yes, I still have friends in that age bracket with kids that want to go to for their birthday so I’ll be attending again in a couple of weeks. Pray for me.

Ruby
Child free and lovin it.

10

Chuck E Cheese is like MILF heaven. But if that doesn’t work for you then it’s a horrid, horrid place.

11

The year my daughter was 7 there were 4 birthday parties she was invited to held at Chuck E. Cheese. "Why don’t they sell hard liquor?"was my plaintive refrain after the 2nd party.

12

OUR Chuckie Cheese has animatronic figures, with the 2 shows alternating about every 15 minutes.

I think Chuck E Cheese may well be one of the portals to hell.

13

I have so far managed to avoid taking my kids to Chuck E. Cheese by some miracle. I’m sure the day is coming, and I dread it. Luckily we have Skee-Ball at the roller-rink, so it’s not like they’re deprived or anything.

I too loved going to this hellhole as a child. I have no idea why my mom agreed to take us there, I’m sure she hated every minute, especially the animatronic parts. I bet my dad simply refused to go after the first time (he hates noise, and blinking things, and he doesn’t even drink so he can’t dull the pain).

14

One of the portals of hell – yes! That’s it.

And the whole thing was my own fault. I was Warned. But I refused to heed the warnings.

My single-parent brother took his son to a Cub Scouts event over the weekend, so I went down to spend the weekend with my 8 year old niece. Friday night, before my brother left, I told her, “Saturday is your day. We’ll do whatever you want and go wherever you want for dinner.” That led to this conversation:

NIECE: I know where I want to go, but you won’t take me.
ME: Sure I will. I said I’ll take you wherever you want to go.
NIECE: I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese!
BROTHER: Aunt Jodi isn’t taking you to Chuck E. Cheese.
ME: What? Sure I will! I just said I would.
BROTHER: But the closest Chuck E. Cheese is 40 minutes away.
ME: Well, that’s okay with me if it’s okay with her.
BROTHER: But it’s Chuck E. Cheese.
ME: So?
BROTHER: Have you ever been to Chuck E. Cheese?
ME: No.
BROTHER: You don’t want to go to Chuck E. Cheese.
NIECE: I said we’d go wherever she wanted. We’ll go to Chuck E. Cheese.
BROTHER: Take this garlic and this stake.

. . . The last line is made-up of course, because I didn’t understand the clear warning he was trying to give me.

The next day I called my sister, who lives in the same town as my brother. My sister’s husband was out of town, so I knew she was on her own taking care of their two girls.

ME: Want to bring your two girls and come to dinner with Niece and me?
SISTER: Sure! What’s the plan?
ME: We’re going to Chuck E. Cheese.
SISTER: We can’t come.
ME: You just said you could come!
SISTER: But I don’t want to come. I don’t want to go to Chuck E. Cheese.
ME: Why not?
SISTER: Because it’s Chuck E. Cheese.
Me: So?
SISTER: Have you ever been to Chuck E. Cheese?
ME: No.

::: Sister thinks for a while ::

SISTER: Okay. I’m going to bring the girls and we’ll meet you there. I don’t think you should take Niece there by yourself.*

*::: She covers the phone and says “Girls, you want to go to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner?” There are shouts of “yay!” and “yippee!” from her girls. ::: *

SISTER: I hope you appreciate what I’m doing for you.

I didn’t then, but I did afterwards and, lo, my thanks were profuse.

  • What my sister knew that I didn’t, is that for a single adult it’s hard to go to Chuck E. Cheese on a super-busy night like Saturday, because it’s almost impossible to keep an eye on your kid without leaving your table, and if you leave your table someone will very likely take it.
15

Actually, speaking as someone who is young enough to remember going to a Chuck E. Cheese as a kid, and who has gone there every year or two since for his cousins’ birthday parties, who hates the obnoxious atmosphere inside as much as anyone else in this thread, let me say -

Chuck E. Cheese has wonderful pizza. And I know many others who agree.

Delicious sauce, and the kind of cheese that really stretches out when you take a bite, so when you swallow a string of cheese follows the bulk of the pizza like a tail, staying in your mouth an extra delightful second.

16

That was my first job, back in high school. This was…1986?

The one thing I hated most was being Chuckie. Mobbed in short people, who would tug on you, hug you as you were trying to walk, and pull your tail…it wasn’t the suit, it was the kids.

I firmly blame that place for me not wanting to reproduce.

17

When I was a kid we didn’t have Chuck E. Cheese, we had the low-rent cousin, Showbiz Pizza Place. I LOVED that place! I can remember spending HOURS playing Arabian and Dragon’s Lair.

18

Anyone remember Shakey’s Pizza? Hello? Anyone? Player piano, 1920’s motif? Or was that a real local type thing?

Chucky E. Cheese’s is a portal to hell. I think I was there once or twice as a teenager, never as a mom.

19

Nevermind, I looked it up.

20

I always thought they were the same, but with different names, kinda like Disneyworld and Disneyland. Huh, consider that ignorance fought.

Anway, I enjoyed Chuck E Cheese as a kid, but even back then I hated the stupid animatronics. I think they really went downhill when they decided to remove all of the video games and turn it all into ticket-winning games. It seemed that that shift dropped the target age, and so that’s when I lost interest in the place. However, even through the filter of a kid’s mind, I don’t remember it being as disgusting as you describe it. Maybe NH just wasn’t as crowded? :slight_smile:

BTW, Dragon’s Lair was great, I was just terrible at it.