I just spoke about my mental illness

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

and when I say “spoke,” I mean at a podium in front of a room full of people.

My school’s chapter of Active Minds had an event where students spoke about their own personal experiences with mental illness. I wasn’t supposed to speak, I just attended the event, but when I got there they were short a couple speakers so I made a spur-of-the-moment decision. I scribbled notes on the back of a receipt during the first speakers, and then got up and talked. I talked about my history, my first episode of depression at 14, being suicidal, cutting myself, getting better and getting worse again. I told everyone that it’s always more complicated than it is in the movies. It can take a while to find a therapist that you connect with, and it can take a few tries to find a medication that works for you. I talked about the struggle to find the line between identity and disease, the tension between knowing that mental illness never goes away, it’s a part of my life, but it still doesn’t define me as a person.

If I’d had the time to really prepare, I’m sure I would have been more coherent, and I would have made my point more clearly. Still, I feel like I did a good job. People came up to me afterward and told me so.

It was really scary at first, but then I got into it and it felt good. Afterward I felt mush less stressed than I had been since last week. It will be weird today walking around school wondering who exactly was there, and if people recognize me. I know this is self-centered but part of me feels today is a little anti-climactic. It feels like such a big thing for me, I just shared my most private emotional self in front of complete strangers, how can this be a normal Tuesday for everyone else? (Don’t worry, though, I am aware that the world doesn’t revolve around me.)

I think I was able to do this mainly because I’m starting to come to terms with who I am. There are things I will have to struggle with in my life that other people won’t, and there are things I may not be able to change, but I’m a complete person with a complete identity, and I’m ok with that. Speaking about all this actually helped solidify that feeling for me.

Anyway, I’m not really trying to make a point here, I just wanted to share. I’m proud of myself!

2

You have every right to be proud. Good for you!

3

You should be very proud of yourself. I’ve often wondered if I could talk about my past (depression, cutting, etc.) in front of people. The opportunity hasn’t come up though. I think I could speak to strangers about it, but not my own family or friends.
Anyhow, congratulations - that really is an accomplishment to be proud of.

4

I’ve thought about doing something similar at work discussing my experiences with manic depression. Good on you for doing it, I’m sure it will have been more useful to people listening than you realise.

5

Well done.

6

Congratulations! And good on you, for throwing it together on the fly, for sharing something difficult and for the personal growth you’ve taken away from the experience. Rather well done! You should be very righteously proud of yourself.

7

I’m impressed! Especially that you did it on the fly. Good on you!

8

Congratulations! :slight_smile:

9

good for you!

The spur of the moment thing interests me. Does it mean that you are on the high end of the cycle?

10

This takes an incredible amount of courage and I applaud you for it. When I was in college I used to write and perform pieces on my experience with mental illness (as part of a student advocacy organization) and afterward we’d have panel discussions. It was always such a liberating experience, I remember once my grandparents attended and my grandfather for the first time in my life opened up about his own experience with depression.

Maybe you are learning what I learned as a social work student this year – to understand your self and your experiences in the broader social context. When you realize others are going through this, and need to hear a voice that validates them and pushes the public dialog to a higher level, suffering mental illness doesn’t seem quite so meaningless.

I recognize you might not get what I’m talking about, but my sense is that by speaking out publically you gave your experience some greater meaning. This is good both for society and for you. Congratulations.

11

I think what you sid with “little time to prepare” is pretty darn impressive. You should be very proud of yourself!

I have a similar history and the struggle to determine who I can share with and who I should not is wearing at times.

12

How very cool of you, tj. Few issues have as much relevance and as little common understanding in our troubled culture.

The beginning of health is an understanding and acceptance of one’s condition. And that applies to society as well as to the individual.

I may add that the first time I heard a friend explain why she was unable on that day to go out with me was because she was having difficulty with her mental health, I was stunned. I have since grown to admire her openess and self-awareness quite a bit.

She has true ownership of her condition and its level of stability. Reaching that place of no blame/no shame has been a long task for her.

You are a member of a formerly silent, and silenced, group of people who are beginning to come into their own. And a number of them have become well-schooled, of necessity, in tenets of healthy habits and thoughts. Some to the point that their wellness appears to exceed general standards.

Smiling at you!

13

Way to go! I’m hoping to be able to this soon somewhere else besides a message board. I’m finally at the age where I’m not more worried about what other people will think.

14

That is wonderful to hear. You may have freed another person too that is going through the same thing! We are only as sick as our secrets so you must feel great after sharing. I’m not the greatest at public speaking either but I will do it for a good cause.

15

< claps >

Way to go!!

16

Congratulations! And very inspirational. Makes me wonder what I could come up with in similar circumstances.

17

::applause::

Welcome to the “out of the mental health closet” team! I think you’ll find that after the initial “ohfuck what have I done” moment passes you’ll be much less uptight about the whole issue now that you no longer have to worry about folks finding out.