Ahem…I meant, I almost peed my PANTS after reading that. ^
“Psst. Honey. There’s someone in the house.”
“What should I do?”
“Take Beaker.”
“Beaker?”
“If you take Beaker and sneak up behind them, you might surprise them.”
“Surprise them? I might amaze them!”
I have a pointed stick.
Anyone coming in my ground floor window gets 24" of Katzbalger. They’ll be lucky, too. If they come through my roommates window, it’ll be a rifle they encounter.
My husband insists his cat is a “watch cat” who patrols constantly, protecting us. I’m not sure how he patrols when he’s sleeping against my leg… We have a dog who will bark, when she finally realizes something is amiss. Last week, my sweetie had taken a day off and was watching TV when he saw the guy from the electric company drive up. The man parked in our driveway, walked across the front yard to the meter, read the meter, walked back, got in his truck, and was starting to back out when Bernie sprang into action.
Yeah, I feel safe. :rolleyes:
As for me, if I was home alone and really felt threatened, I’d grab the phone and dial 9-1-1. But since I’m really meticulous about locking up, and because we live in the boonies, I feel pretty safe.
We have a couple of hand guns, but I’m not an experienced shooter, so I wouldn’t even get them out. Now, if hubby’s home, the intruder is in trouble!
Me, I’d rely on Psycho Kitty to protect me. This is how she operates: anyone who comes in the house, she twines around their legs, purring loudly, until the intruder is forced to pick her up and pet her. When she randomly decides she’s tired of being petted, she’ll swipe her claws at his face.
This behavior is not reserved for bad guys; everyone who comes in the house gets the treatment.
OTOH, I could just grab my little one’s stuffed Barney. Everyone over the age of six is terrified of Barney.
The ultimate post on the subject.
Is anyone else a little sorry that he didn’t grab the double-ended dildo instead? Still damned funny.
Sounds like your Beaker is bigger than my Beaker.
'Course, mine is easier to carry concealed. 
This why I keep at least 2 cats & a squitten on hand at any time.
Think you hear a burglar? Throw one at ‘em.
Like furry flying throwing stars. 
-
Be awakened by noise in Garage in middle of night.
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Grab knife out of block and run into garage.
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Hear garage door bumped and run out side after.
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See shape running around bushes and follow into road screaming.
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See 80 Pound racoon eating packet of thrown out hot dogs.
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Realize it’s not middle of night but middle of day cause you got really drunk and didn’t wake up until noon.
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Realize you are wearing one sock and underwear.
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Realize you missed the knives and grabbed the steel.
9 Put it all together and realize you are a big ugly man, half nekid, wielding a honing device, screaming like at mad man, charging at a racoon in the middle of the street. -
Enjoy years of peace undisturbed by neighbors,
Damn, I miss Master Wang-Ka! Nobody could tell a story like he did.
Aha! No longer will I get pissed when the wife hears a noise and wants me to investigate. I had always reasoned (quietly to myself) “Hey, you heard the noise, not me. I was sound asleep. You go investigate.”
I now realize the error of my ways. If wife in underwear goes investigating, it will be a serial killer. If I go investigating, it will be the wind, as the man who is prepared never gets attacked.
My investigation grabby thingee, Glock 19 brimming with Hydra Shok.
Wolfman, that was hilarious!
Well, if anyone breaks into my house, i always have my guitar.
As the song goes…
*I was barely seventeen
and I once killed a boy with a Fender guitar *
Well, not a fender. First Act.