In terms of home defense, I mean?
I don’t own any weapons, although I do have a nice butcher knife that might come in handy if I need to use self defense.
Oh, and three cats, although they aren’t really the type to gouge someone’s eyes out.
Hard to say. I have a couple of baseball bats within easy reach, for just that purpose. I have a ferocious sounding Rottweiler who shows her belly to anyone who looks like they might pet her. She might respond differently in a stressful situation. I am not opposed to gun ownership at all, they’re just too expensive for me right now.
Generally, I don’t interact with people much, and anyone looking at my house would have to be an idiot to think anything inside is worth stealing, so the probably of such an event is low, in my mind.
I have a wooden baseball bat in the hall closet that I jokingly call my security system. But who knows if I’d really have the nerve to use it in the kind of situation?
Depends which room I’m in. Kitchen/dining room? Big knives. Fire extinguisher. Steel wok. Chair. Tablecloth. Every dish at hand. Canned goods. Bottles. God help the intruder if I’m cooking something 'cause he’ll get doused in boiling whatever and then get pounded with the pot.
I’m in my bedroom? There are two shortswords much like a Roman gladius plus a 15" Bowie knife. I am not an expert with any of them but “The pointy end goes in the other guy”. My big Maglight is right by the bed. Blankets. Closet poles (that hangers are on). Since I’ve been doing a bit of home repair there’s an aluminum folding work platform right there. Worst of all there’s a huge non-safety-glass window overlooking a 2-story drop onto cement and it’s got perhaps 18" of wall at the bottom of the window, in other words one good shove and Mr. Intruder will have a short drop with a sharp stop at the bottom.
Workshop? Any number of things - various tools, fire extinguisher, blowtorch, cleaning products.
Other rooms? Whatever’s at hand - there’s a ton of stuff that will impede somebody (i.e. blankets, kitty litter tray) even if just momentarily until I can grab something to club them with (book, radio, monitor).
And while I was never an expert by a long shot I know enough judo and BJJ to put a hell of a hurting on someone if they aren’t expecting to wrestle.
Keys. Hands. Feet. Elbows. Knees. Teeth. My big balding skull.
Thanks for this question. It’s been a stressful day and this is a practical venting exercise.
Is there an Evil Smiley?
They are met with a spooje shaped hole in a window, and a glimpse of a large semi-naked man runing like hell.
I keep Azathoth in a shoebox under my bed. Some people will say this is overkill, but then you notice those people aren’t breaking into my house, now are they?
Stranger
If I have the ten seconds needed to get into my safe, they’re met with either a 12-gauge Remington 870 loaded with rifled slugs or 30 rounds of hollowpoint .223 from a Bushmaster AR-15. Hopefully I’d have the presence of mind to grab the AR-15, since I don’t particularly fancy being deaf at 23. :o
If I don’t have ten seconds, they come face to face with an angry Stealth Potato wielding a fireplace poker.
I have nothing. I don’t imagine it will happen, but if it does, I have no weapons.
Wow, five replies so far and nobody who keeps any guns? Not that guns are needed if you have, say, Azathoth…
And bats can make a mighty big dent and break some bones…
ETA: Whoop, posted too soon… Stealth Potato has one.
A dog that can put on a pretty good show of being ferocious and a highly trained Tripping Cat.
I have a 50 lb. dog. It doesn’t much matter if he’s friendly or angry, because when he runs into you at full speed it’s going to feel the same.
No guns, but if I’m in my bedroom, I have the legendary Slayer Scythe.
No, I’m not kiding. I once got (very, very) drunk and spent several hundred dollars on a replica of the Slayer Scythe on a Buffy merchandice site. It’s not sharp at all, but it weighs around 20 lbs and could be imbedded in someone’s scull, should the need arise.
Chances are, said individual probably has a gun, and I’m screwed.
I don’t live in fear. However, were someone to break into the house, I’ve instructed the girls to jump out the nearest window rather than stay inside with a strange man. A woman, even armed, is rarely a match for a man. Damn estrogen. And I’ve told them to break as many windows as they can. Not only is the sound of breaking glass very jarring but it’s hard to commit violence on glass and not leave DNA behind. :dubious:
I think I watch too many “Forensic Files.”
In my bedroom I have a super big maglite which i keep by my bed for that reason. Along with a German Sheperd who is not an attack dog but would probably get agressive in a very stressful situation.
They’d be met with congratulations for having circumvented the half a dozen security measures seperating them from us.
But seriously? Nothing. I could throw the alarm clock at them I guess. It’s such an unlikely thing to happen I haven’t considered it before. (low crime rate, etc.)
A telephone to call 911.
Oh, and I suppose a machete, and some knives, but honestly, I’d rather grab the phone and lock myself in the front room. There’s a bookshelf and I’ve got leverage to hold the door shut, and I suppose I can climb out of those windows if I need to, as they open sideways.
My husband. With a Glock 21. And shingles. Boy, is he grouchy.
A very sharp-clawed kitty cat, followed by a saxophone to the back of the head.
This. (Closest approximation I could find…mine’s bigger.)
Weighs about 15 lbs and has some sharp metal edges. I’m also very skilled at wielding it since I’ve had to haul it around since 4th grade.
They’ll also meet a girl whose instinct, when faced with ‘‘fight or flight,’’ is ‘‘fight, then flight.’’ Since I lie awake waiting for people to come in at night and murder me, if one actually did he’d probably be on the ground twitching from a massive head injury about two minutes later. As much of a fraidy-cat as I am, I have childhood training in martial arts and that instinct to beat the fuck out of whatever threatens my personal space is still alive and well. One thing I learned is that half of protecting yourself is not acting like a victim–completely throws the assailant off his game. I will scream my battle-cry and I will not go gently into that good night.
Three medium sized dogs, two of which would fight for me (the other would go lay on the bed with a stuffed toy in her mouth) and big knives in the kitchen. But every single room in this house has at least one exterior door, so really, I’d exit while the dogs were attacking. Pretty unlikely to happen, though, and definitely not something I worry about.