At my telefundraising job today, calling on behalf of the Sierra Club, I was talking to a man whose wife also had a membership. He wanted to have just one membership between them and asked what I could do to make that happen. I didn’t really want to fill out any paperwork … so I marked his file as “DECEASED.”
Just before I pressed the button, I sentenced him to death “for crimes against the state” – after he had hung up, of course.
I wonder if he’ll have any difficulty if he ever decides he wants a membership for himself again. “Pardon me, sir,” the club representative would say, “didn’t you die several years ago?”
A friend and former college classmate of mine got tired of the alumni association calling and asking him for money. So he had his wife tell them he was dead. The next alumni newsletter reported his “passing” and the “widow” got a tearful phone call from another mutual friend.
Hilarity ensued.
I thought about telling the alumni assoc I was dead too, but thanks to Caller ID, I just don’t pick up the phone when they come a’begging. And I toss their mailings right into the trash. I need to call my “late” friend and see how he’s doing…
I’m thinking about running over one of those people at traffic lights that wash your windows, and then getting the people at the next set of lights to clean him off my car.
Just wait 'til the government documents consistency checkers find out he has file that says he’s deceased. Someone will have to “fix” that error. Often, since the paperwork is too difficult to change. . .
Well, I hope you pay the second person pretty well – dragging a dead body off your car is going to require some real effort! That’s what I, uh, assume, anyway …
