Healthy human babies are the most beautiful things in the world. Which is not to say I threaten to kidnap them.
They’re pretty beautiful if you like things that look like larvae.
My children do not look like larvae.
The good thing about people who hate babies is that the attitude is self-limiting.
It’s so this. I can’t ask who they’re dating, how they like they’re new job or if they’ll be vacationing in Aspen this year, so throwing out a cliche is about all I’ve got to show I’m even interested in the little booger. If you could teach it a few tricks, maybe that’ll change folks’ repertoire.
And I’d offer to kidnap one too. The younger they are, the better they taste in stew.
Just count your blessings that they are only threatening to kidnap your baby. Two of my three children were actually kidnapped. The boy we found murdered on the side of a country road a few weeks later and the girl is still missing 2 years later.
Are you serious?
Good heavens. I don’t even want any of my own and I have occasionally said things like “Do you want to go home with me, cutie?” just to hear the kid go “NO!” and giggle. And I ask all the time how old kids are. Parents love to talk about their kids! Plus it gives an opening for further conversation: “How old is he now?” “13 months.” “Oh, is he walking? He must be keeping you on the run!”
I can’t even say nice things to kids now because someone might get offended. But if I don’t say anything I’m a childhater. Fine. Next time I’ll just drop kick the little bastards.
I don’t know. When she was first born my daughter looked a lot like me. Poor thing. Luckily she now looks like her mother.
When I meet someone with a newborn, I usually ask how many hours straight the kid sleeps. Basically, a polite, innocuous question to engage in conversation.
I have a story.
When my baby Asa was 10 months old and just opening up to the world, we took him to a yoga retreat (Omega, Woodstock NY).
EVERYONE wanted to see the baby. Everyone wanted to be involved with him at meals.
The guests that weekend were Wayne Dyer, Ilanya van Zant, and Bishop Desmond Tutu.
So, at one point, Asa needed a break. We dove into the back tables of a dark restaurant. The baby was settling down… and Wayne Dyer and party approached our table. Wayne said a few nice things about our baby.
And I dissed Wayne Dyer like you wouldn’t believe. What did I know about Wayne Dyer? (He has since come to prominence in the “New Age” theater.) But did I care enough, about him just as any person, to be polite? I lambasted him with “The baby needs some alone time,” blah blah blah. As he turned away, confused, I saw that Tutu was behind him. He veered away too.
It’s not, I guess, a big deal really. But I could be telling a different story about my son and spiritual leaders of the world today.
On the other hand, you can barely help it as a new mother, but I hope this helps you cope.
Cheers, and yay for babies~and bishops!
Thank you. Perfect.
You don’t know how old your baby is? How… odd.
Yes, this. And some of the people who ask are making conversation for no particular reason other than basic human interaction, so, eh, tell them whatever you want.
I think some people actually want to know. Having a baby made me realize that I had been absolutely crap at guessing how old babies were, so maybe they really do want some edification.
I dunno. Probably some people would take that as a criticism of their sleep-training regime.
msmith537:
Would you believe…cannibalism? “He’s so cute, I could just eat him up!”
I’ll never understand that one. I mean, I eat things that were cute in their lifetime, but I probably couldn’t if I really thought about their cuteness (a la Lisa Simpson in “Lisa the Vegetarian”).
(I’ve never been bothered by the “how old” question, though.)
^ See. The cannibals always come out of the woodwork.
A point worth noting is that human babies are highly altricial - they survive only by gaining continuous careful attention from more competent humans. It’s therefore hardly surprising that evolution has selected for a nurturing reaction from adults who encounter a baby.
Some of what the OP finds troubling is clearly over the top, but much of it is completely normal (indeed, desirable / essential) human behavior.
I find this rant to be a thinly veiled stealth brag so I offer the appropriate response:
Oh, that sure must be one super cute baby. Pix please!
Yea my wife said she got sick of similar threats with our son, so she told people who said they were gonna kidnap our son see that creep over there there? That is his father!
Are you?