I know she means well, but really Shut up

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This rant was a bit to lame for the Pit so here it is

My mother is driving me insane.

I know she is trying to be helpful but I just want to tell her to shut up and stay out of it.

My new dog is having some training problems, but not really, what she is doing is perfectly natural for a dog to do and I am in the process of training her. She is two years old and I have had her a grand total of two weeks. She is a wonderful little dog but she has a problem being alone. At first she would bark and throw herself against the door when we would leave. I have been working with her and she no longer does that, ahh progress is a wonderful thing. She still freaks out when we leave, but instead of barking she has taken to peeing as soon as the door closes. OK I can deal with that too, this is not a big deal, and at least she is not ripping the house apart. And for a dog that was abandoned I think that a little separation anxiety is normal, and not only normal it’s something that can be worked on. It’s not like she had a bad personality, she just needs to learn that we will be coming home, and that it’s ok to be alone.

I was talking to my mother about her and she starts into her recommendations, ok fine I listen. The thing to realize with my mother is that when we were training the dogs that I had growing up she was never involved. My father and I did all of the training. I have worked with dogs that have had problems and I have the patience to deal with them. But mother knows best. I wouldn’t have such a problem with it if after every conversation she didn’t say that maybe there was a reason she was abandoned in the first place, like she was some lost cause and I should give her up!!

WTF I have had her TWO WEEKS!!

Even worse she told my aunt who also thinks that because she is two years old it will be so hard to train her.

Umm this Aunt has the worst dog I have ever met, they didn’t bother to train him at all, and I wouldn’t trust that dog for a minute. He is unpredictable and snappy; I would not be shocked if he attacked someone.

Oh yea and in those two weeks, my dog has learned not to bark when we leave, sit, come, and is learning to heel. Already more than the Aunts dog. She is not hard to train at two.

Oh I should mention that neither of these people have even met the dog, they live in a different province, and yet are perfectly content to brandish her untrainable.

To top it off my Mother today asked what kind of dog she is and when I said Terrier cross, she started going off on how bad they are with children. My dog is fine with children; she has met quite a few in the past two weeks and has been nothing but patient with them.

grrrr, ok I am done venting now.

2

Oh, I do love people with opinions… I’ve got a BIL who knows everything about everything. So, why isn’t he rich, you ask? Well, it’s because he’s a white male and everything is stacked against him. No, really!! But as in your case, he lives hundreds of miles away.

There’s not a lot you can do. Just don’t sweat it. Life’s too short.

Incidentally, I love terrier mix dogs. We had one - he was wonderful. I miss that little guy.

3

Just say, “Gee, thanks, Mom, for the input,” and change the subject. Rinse and repeat till she figures out (a) you’re not interested in her dog training advice and (b) you have no intention of discussing it with her.

4

Some people are best left in the dark. My siblings and I never told our parents when we bought something like a TV, or they would tell us a couple things. Why did you buy that it’s to expensive. That was a waste of money. We only told them after the TV was four years old.

5

Seconding what Mama Tiger said. The thing is, you have to use the EXACT same phrase every time. And say it politely.

When our kids were little they hated going to my MIL’s house because she constantly wanted to give them stuff (mostly food) that they didn’t want. We taught them to say POLITELY “No, thank you, I don’t care for any.” Of course in the case of a special dinner, they had to take at least one crumb of any new food and taste at least one molecule (or whatever the smallest possible piece of a crumb would be). Then they could say truthfully, “No thank you, I don’t want any more.”

6

I always thought that if someone meant well, they would do well.
I have a dirth (dearth?) of such people in my life–mostly I have people like your mother.

Paid $X for my new furnace? Why didn’t you go to Y and only pay $X? :rolleyes:
As for people who push food–they should be all shot at dawn, after being force fed. I loathe that habit-and it is NOT being a good hostess at all. It is rude as hell.

As for dog training, I can’t say–none of my family’s dogs have ever been trained worth a damn. One reason I don’t have a dog.

good luck.

7

I agree with Mam Tiger, only moreso. I would simply never pass on anything but good news to the relatives. Perhaps if they have a visit scheduled in the near future, you might not want to paint a picture that is too rosy, but the less likely they are to ever encounter the dog (or TV or furnace or whatever), the less reason to give them anything on which to offer advice.

8

I agree on the forcing of food. I also understand that there are cultures in which giving and accepting food is the basic host/guest requirement. Those cultures are not mine, but in my case having married into such a culture I feel I should not be *too * disapproving. It sometimes helps to accept a small tidbit, glass of water, etc., rather than offend.

My MIL also always asks how much a new purchase cost; she especially wants to know the cost of a gift. In my family, price tags were always carefully removed, buy MIL is kind of flummoxed at the idea that such facts should be kept secret from family members. Of course, if the price IS revealed, then you are either (a) a cheap so-and-so for spending so little, or (b) overly extravagant; she knows a place (K-Mart) where you could have gotten it for less. :rolleyes:

9

Congratulations, Ludy. I’ve trained a lot of dogs–mostly adult dogs–and it sounds like you’re on the right track.

Unfortunately YOU need to be trained in WHAT NOT TO TELL YOUR MOTHER. She’s never met the dog? She lives entirely elsewhere? Then where is she getting the ammunition she’s using to make your life miserable? Is the dog calling her?

Teasing, of course, but seriously: what she doesn’t know won’t hurt you.

10

As a mother, it’s really hard to give up on giving your kids advice. My middle son just tells me when I start in that he’s only TELLING me, not asking for my advice. So, that usually ends that. Until the next time.

On the other side, I’ve noticed that as I get older my children seem to think they should be advising me about everything, especially my health. So, I just don’t tell them if I think it will be a problem.

I think the best advice is, as above, just don’t talk about anything you don’t want advice on. I know, it’s hard; you want to be able to lay your problems and concerns on someone who cares, and that’s your family. Just think about what you are saying before you open your mouth.

11

Abso-freakin-lutely! Send her a lovely picture of your dog and tell her how wonderful the dog has been lately. Perhaps such collusion will help your pup bond with ya… :wink:

I forget to tell my busy-body mother how many pets I have (she knows about the 2 dogs) but the rabbit, gerbil and lizard were a total surprise her last visit. :shrugs: My house. My life.