I like bananas a bunch

My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond. That’s a lot of pressure.

I Hope you’re not being facetious.

I bought a Volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay. Swede car online.

Why was the Volvo on eBay – was it a Bergman-esque Swedish tragedy, or just some Saab story?

I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse. It really takes me back.

My daughter’s inability to learn how to drive a stick shift really grinds my gears.

Yeah, but you always come through in the clutch.

That’s just standard operating procedure.

It must be hard to get a job at an animal hospital. They have good vetting procedures.

I thought about becoming a veterinarian but I just didn’t think that I could handle the lab work.

One of my felines was acting a little strangely. The vet recommended a cat scan.

Cat scan – what? Cats can eat mice?

Not really. Their teeth aren’t equipped for the plastic and electronic components.

Dogs can eat those, unless their bark is worse than their byte.

My dog took a byte out of my hard drive. Now it’s in bits.

It seems like it would be more appropriate if a RAM took a byte out of your hard drive. Or even a phish I guess.

A Dodge Ram? That would crush your hard drive to bits.

Yeah, he tried to keep it locked in the garage, but the lock broke. It was a Ram shackle affair.

Well, it was all he could af-Ford.

I like the way you’re Lincoln these puns together.