So now that’s all cleared up, I hope you can satisfy some of my gossip urge. The way you talk about your ex-husband makes it sound like he was profoundly lazy, barely worked, and didn’t contribute much of anything. If that’s true, how long has it been that way? Is it something that just started recently, or have you been hauling his dead weight around for 16 years?
You saved me the trouble of posting it.
Hmm…Maybe you all should have gone into real estate…
In any event, did he ever pay any of the payments for the new house? I’m guessing not, since he seems to be chronically unemployed.
So is he currently living with his FGF?
Yeah, her lawyer was a dumbass IMO.
Lets say Foxy40 supported his dead ass for years. Then she develope some horrible disease or has a bad accident or her financial empire she has been building crumbles due to bad luck, bad economy, one bad business decision…whatever…now she is broke or permanently sick or hideously disfigured or some such.
Dead beat Bob decides “fuck this shit, I’ll find some other cute young thing, Foxy is on her own”.
Prenup says she doesn’t get a dime of his and he doesn’t owe her a thing.
Unless that prenup is significantly more sophisticated than “whats mine is mine and whats yours is yours” IMO your lawyer was an idiot, and Foxy40 is pretty lucky the fates didn’t decide to fuck Foxy40 over.
IANAL but I’ve heard pre-nups can be challenged and don’t always hold up. But in your case it seems pretty straightforward concerning the house. Hopefully there isn’t enough altogether to get in a legal fight over (which sounds odd, you would hope to have enough to fight about, but from what I’ve heard from those who got in the fights it’s just not worth it).
He has always been like this. I have no problem putting the details in the middle of the thread.
We married because I was pregnant and he was a very nice guy that wanted to be part of his daughter’s life on a day to day basis. He has worked sporadically throughout the marriage but never contributed much. I pay the bills, health insurance, the cars, our daughter’s private school, etc etc. He picks up groceries once in a while.
We split up for a time but he couldn’t make it on his own and I allowed him to move back in the spare bedroom and gave him another bedroom for his music/game room.
I was planning on allowing him to stay until our daughter graduated high school in five years because, to be honest, he and I had very little contact. We never vacationed together or even went out to dinner together. I really can’t stand the man and he caused me a great deal of anxiety when around him.
A great deal of anxiety when around him. I repeat that line because this is where I screwed up BIG TIME.
While I had little contact with him, my daughter was with him each day after school. For the past year or so she has been despondent, depressed and I discovered she has been cutting/self injuring herself.
She has had a therapy “team” for about six months now. I met with her team last week and was told that her biggest stressor was her father. He does not physically abuse her, thank god, but he has been mentally and emotionally abusing her for years. And I never saw it because I wasn’t around to see it. It feels like I threw her to the lions to fight off each and every day. You can’t imagine the guilt.
They recommend I limit contact and went so far as to tell me they will testify if necessary.
He can live in a dumpster for all I care.
IIRC Foxy40 is a hard-working businesswoman and the husband is an artist that she basically supported while he tried to get his career off the ground. But it never did get off the ground and instead of switching careers and earning some money he just kept being a lays-about and she kept working hard to support the two of them and their kid. All of the money the family has at this point was clearly made by her and he’s kind of lucky that she stuck around so long. I remember her bitching about him several years back.
So I say good for Foxy40 and I’m glad the prenup worked the way you wanted it to work - everyone gets back what they contributed and nobody ended up with extra stuff they didn’t work for.
ETA: I started writing this like 5 posts ago so it has all already been covered lol
That made me laugh out loud. If anything had every happened to me, he wouldn’t/couldn’t support me. He couldn’t support himself. But say he somehow made millions and left me. I wouldn’t have wanted a dime of his money even back then. I find it interesting that you think he would have an obligation to support me should it worked out like your scenario. He wouldn’t. I honestly don’t believe in alimony other than certain rare occasions and then only temporary support. THAT is one of the first points made in the prenup.
Foxy40, I don’t pretend to have a clue about the hardships endured in your 16 years of marriage. I know when it gets to the divorce stage it’s not unexpected there will be feelings of resentment and spite. I’m glad that back at the onset you and he both knowingly and of your own free will signed a legal document protecting some of the financial investemnts you undertook ownership in and hope this allows for a simplified, equitable dissolution of the marriage. I also hope this will allow you to quickly move past the pain of those years and on with your life, goals and overall well being.
Thank you.
I’m curious, does he still think he’s going to become a big and famous musician?
Yikes. I hope your daughter rebounds for the better.
I don’t know - perhaps it’s just me, but I would take the prenup to a lawyer and have it triple checked. I also wouldn’t count my chickens just yet, so-to-speak, as others have mentioned that prenups get over turned and such.
I’d say, things look good right now, but after everything gets settled then you can breathe your relief.
I would have sympathy with a guy who was getting the raw end of a prenup deal, but given that he didn’t contribute anything AND he emotionally abused his daughter, my sympathy meter is on ‘E’.
Congrats Foxy…you’ve posted about your husband for years and it always seemed like you were carrying the weight of responsibility while you tried to shield your daughter from “your dad is a fuck up.” I’m sorry he turned out to be such a fuck up that in shielding her, he managed to hurt her further.
I think pre-nups are great things. They can be written in ways that are fair to both parties and contain clauses for illness or length of marriage or whatever. You were wise to sign one.
I married my first husband under the whole “I don’t think this will work out” - I had great hopes of him managing to grow up, but the marriage ended before he did - and thankfully the marriage ending took only eighteen months from the wedding. (actually, he still hasn’t grown up - we’ve been divorced twenty years).
No and thank you.
You wouldn’t be laughing if your luck had turned bad. Glad it turned out okay for you but that doesn’t change the fact I think you and the lawyer were less than smart.
Of course you going in a marriage knowing he’s a loser, expecting him to stay a loser, and eventually knowing you are going to bail doesn’t exactly look so bright either.
Saddling yourself with a loser would at least be excusable if you were head over heels in love at the time. Wow, why do people do this to themselves?
Better hope he can indeed manage to scrape together enough to support himself on his own.
In over 40+ states, the law invalidates “no alimony” clauses in prenuptial agreements if enforcement would leave one spouse destitute.
I used to specialize in this particular area of law back when I practiced. I have seen lots and lots of smug people, pleased with themselves for getting a prenup that said they had to give nothing to their spouse.
If you’ve been supporting him for a long time, and you live in one of those 40+ states, all he has to do is hire a lawyer. Depending on where you live, you may end up paying him alimony anyway. In many states, courts are pretty sympathetic to spouses like your husband. They see someone who was encouraged to depend on their spouse for years and years, without developing any job skills of their own, and grant alimony.
I have seen it happen lots of times, to smarter, richer people who had the best lawyers draft their prenups. So don’t be too confident just yet. It sounds like your husband is a pretty clever parasite. Depending on the state, the judge, and your particular circumstances, you might even wind up being ordered to pay his lawyer’s bills if he fights the prenup.
The vast majority of “no alimony” prenups I saw, where one spouse did not work or was seriously underemployed during the marriage (like your husband), were invalidated when challenged.
But maybe you’re lucky, and live in one of those <10 states where the law doesn’t mind if you leave your ex-spouse living in a cardboard box.
I don’t think you quite understand. I am against spousal support whether it is for me or anyone else. If things had turned out differently, I wouldn’t expect nor want a DIME from another human being that was not gladly given. My luck turning bad would only be my husband’s problem if he choose for it to be.
Perhaps but I do think the money I have spent on education and transportation so he could get a good job would possibly offset any idea that he was “encouraged” to depend on me. Three different programs that he didn’t complete. 18 jobs he has lost due to no shows. Multiple drafts of resumes I have written for him. It goes on and on. If a judge wants me to pay him, I will have no choice but that would be unfair if I did NOT have a prenup, since I do, it would be a travesty.
I can’t talk for other people but I mistakenly thought it was better for our daughter to grow up with a father around than not. Even if he was a loser.