"I love my sister...but I don't like her"

[GrumpyBunny]

@Urbanredneck

I call these “Irish families” (sorry if that offends Irish). But these families will fight each other tooth and nail but dont dare get involved or go after one of them because they will all fight off outsiders.

Hah! I’m going to mention this to my cousin (who’s into the whole “Celtic”* thing).

*In ironic quotes because much of the whole “Celtic” thing in the US seems to be highly romanticized at best, a fiction at worst.

[Macca26]

@BigT

No, you described the exact opposite. Even though being around him was unpleasant, you continued to care about him. You put others first–the opposite of being a cold bitch.

From the descriptions here, Macca would not. Because she didn’t like him, as he would not be pleasant to be around, she wouldn’t love him, and thus wouldn’t care about them.

To be frank, they are just describing garden-variety selfishness.

The weird thing is that monsto is agreeing with Macca. I don’t know Macca, but I do know Monstro seems to care about other people in general. Yet she’s describing herself as being unable to love someone she doesn’t like.

That gives me hope that this all just a semantics issue, and the people having trouble with this aren’t truly selfish.

It really is that simple: liking someone means finding them pleasant to be around. Love means caring about their wellbeing. If you truly cannot love someone you don’t like, you’re saying you can’t care about people you don’t enjoy being around.

I am saying that exactly. I’ve been called selfish before, and I can’t really deny it. But I don’t think selfishness is a huge negative the way some people do, either, I think it’s just human nature.

I also operate in the same three fields of interaction the way monstro does. Like, neutral, dislike. There are extremes in the like and dislike called love and hate, but otherwise that’s my categories for people.

I do have a macro sense for humanity - torture is bad, basic human rights are good, we should help people, etc. But that set of values is divorced from my micro interactions on a personal scale.

[TriPolar]

As a friend said to her father “Love you a lot, miss you a little”. You can love someone but not like their company that much. Love and friendship are different things and can be exclusive.

[monstro]

@Macca26

I am saying that exactly. I’ve been called selfish before, and I can’t really deny it. But I don’t think selfishness is a huge negative the way some people do, either, I think it’s just human nature.

I also operate in the same three fields of interaction the way monstro does. Like, neutral, dislike. There are extremes in the like and dislike called love and hate, but otherwise that’s my categories for people.

I do have a macro sense for humanity - torture is bad, basic human rights are good, we should help people, etc. But that set of values is divorced from my micro interactions on a personal scale.

Right. Just because I may not care for a certain person doesn’t mean I am callous towards people in general. It also doesn’t mean that if something bad were to actually happen to that person, I would be happy. I sincerely doubt I’d be pleased that a childhood bully of mine was executed by the state of Georgia for calling me names in the sixth grade, even though on a personal level, I don’t care about that person even all these years later.

A person can call a feeling “selfish” if they want, but that’s kind of crazy to me. I’m throwing a baby shower for someone I usually feel neutral towards–who in the past has elicited feelings of strong dislike. I may not care for this person on an emotional level. Sometimes she does stuff that makes me wish for something to come and take her down a notch. But I interact with her as if I do care, because intellectually I understand that it ain’t about how I feel all the time. And I also know that sometimes my feelings aren’t based on rational thought processes. I don’t think “selfish” is the best way to describe me. But I suppose I meet someone’s limited definition of the term since I’m not afraid to say I only experience caring feelings towards a small group of individuals rather than humanity as a whole. Oh well. Selfish I be, I guess.