But then she’d have died of embarassment and we’d have never heard the story!
A colleague of mine told of his MIL getting a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. She was showing off the perky twins to everyone (she was clothed) and he always wondered what the etiquette was for that situation. “Nice boobs!” is normally NOT something you want to say to your MIL, nor do you ask to cop a feel in most cases… but in this situation he kept wondering if it wouldn’t be the polite thing to do.
This thread keeps getting better. I thought that the OP was mortifying. I’ve been close to doing that several times. But kissing MILs and grabbing their boobs? If I did anything like that, I don’t think I’d live to tell the story.
Thanks for the laughs. 
When a friend of mine was first dating a guy (another friend of mine, knew them both when they started dating) they were on the phone once and he could have sworn he heard her say “I love you” for the very first time. He thought it was a little early in the relationship to be saying it, but he replied with “I love you too” (since he was smitten with her). She replied with “yeah, they’re a great band!” (thinking he said “I love U2”).
They still joke about that now, they’ve been married for at least 12 years now.
This thread must be the reason my husband has told me, “I love you until further notice,” and he figures that oughta cover it.
Not quite the same but…A guy I know on another board was in high school during the Michael Jackson trial. About the same time the trial started, his grandmother came to live with his parents and him. Her eyesight was not what it once was. Also, she was (is?) of the generation that keeps dead-tree daily papers in business and thrives on judge shows. Since the MJ trial was a real-life judge show, she was following it avidly. But it wasn’t on TV; just in the papers and online. So my friend often read to her the daily updates she couldn’t easily decipher.
“Testimony in the Michael Jackson molestation trial continued yesterday with a cross-examination…The sinner…”
Instead of “singer”, of course. Neither of them could stop laughing for a while, and it was probably time for Judge Roy Brown by then anyway.
My summer job for the past couple of years has been doing some simple gardening work for my neighbors, weeding, cleaning up beds, odd jobs, etc. After about three hours of pulling weeds and raking under the hot sunlight, I knocked on the door and my neighbor’s husband answered. Keep in mind this is the first time we’d met.
Him: Hi there!
Me: Hi, how are you?
Him: Fine thanks, how are you?
Me: I’m good, how are you? … Wait, I just said that, sorry! Um… :smack:
I have a reverse awkward kiss story. This took place in Spain, where men greet women with a double kiss on each cheek. I was viewing apartments and meeting potential roommates. I went to see one apartment occupied by two Spanish guys looking for a third renter. They greeted me at the door, I stepped inside, and all of the sudden one of them lunged at me! I jumped back in shock and surprise before realizing he was just attempting to introduce himself with the customary kiss on the cheek. I apologized, we kissed, and he said, “American, huh?” :smack:
I worked in a cafe one summer. A good friend of mine worked there too. He was an effeminate kind of guy who was always well-coiffed and very appearance conscious. A regular customer came in and as my friend was walking by he smiled brightly and meant to say either “How are you today?” or “Hello.”
What came out was the most effeminate Elmer Fuddian: “Hewwo!”
I have a female acquaintance who will often say “I love you” if someone does her a favor. It can be a bit disconcerting the first few times, until you realize that it’s just her way of saying thank you.
:mad:
Larry bought me flowers.
ETA: And what is with you sick, sick, sick individuals feeling up your mothers-in-law??
We were buying flowers outside of a store yesterday, and I noticed a very obese man in a wheelchair who was apparently paid to watch the merchandise. He was in bad shape, with tubes emerging from various locations and gauze bandages on his legs stained from the oozing sores. I thought, “man that’s gotta suck”. As I walked past him, he says something like “good afternoon, sir”. My response? “How ya doin’?” :smack:
I may have told this story before - but:
Several of the Sales staff are standing in the hallway outside my cubicle, talking about a client. The Sales manager comes out and starts asking if the client is cute, if she’s single, etc. He’s talked to her on the phone and is obviously interested in her.
I look over and say, “Hey! I thought you had a girl you were seeing??” and the sales manager gives me a quick shake of the head.
Trying to be casual and assume he dumped her, I say, “Oh - so you 69’ed her, eh?”
The sales manager looks at me in shock, and the rest of the sales staff disappear in to their cubicles. I swear I saw tumbleweeds rolling down the hallway as I desperately cry out, “I meant 86’ed her! 86’ed her!!”
A great example of what happens when you decide to substitute one word for another at the very last moment.
How about when you have a “stupid verbal accident” such as this that’s heard not just by those in your immediate presence, but by thousands?
Here’s a story I posted recently in a short-lived bloopers thread:
I have on occassion thanked an A.T.M after its given me money, very strange looks from the people behind me.
I also once to a very, very attractive co worker said" I want to nail you bitch, and treat you like a cheap, filthy little whore" when I actually meant to ask her to pass me a pencil.
Well thats what I told the police when I was down at the station afterwards anyway.
How we laughed as I “accidently” fell down the stairs for the sixth consecutive time on the way to my cell.
Not an ‘I love you’, but I once told a client the coworker he was looking for was in the washroom. Not ‘unavailable’, not ‘stepped out for a second’…I freeze up on the phone.
When I worked at a bank, one of my coworkers would stand behind an ATM and say “thank you” when someone finished using it. It was made all the more hilarious because we could see their reactions on the security camera.
Here’s mine: first job as receptionist. Daydreaming about having my own apartment. Phone rings and instead of saying “Joe Smith’s office”, I said “Joe Smith’s apartment” - it was Joe Smith’s wife! Yes, that was fun explaining that to old Joe. Good thing he didn’t have to sleep on the couch! heh
I did this with a co-worker. I was in my 50s he was 19. He’d come into my office to chat, as he did many mornings. He, I guess, saw me as a mentor. He’d asked me how to handle some inane situation with his girlfriend. He leaned in to give me a peck on the cheek. I didn’t notice, or expect it, and turned my head just at the wrong moment. He didn’t ask for advice for a couple weeks. :rolleyes:
I called my male co-worker ‘dear’ once - as in “would you like a cup of tea dear?” (which I do frequently say to my wife)
Not as bad as a real-life inappropriate kiss, I suppose, but I have ended text messages to co-workers, male friends etc with an x.
(The vast majority of texts I send are to my wife, so it’s become a reflex to hit space X send at the end…)