I’m a Blood Traitor.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have decided that my mother was the inspiration for Sirius Black’s Mad Mother.

My mother isn’t happy with me, which is nothing new. Over a month ago, I made it clear to her that she was not to be present at the birth of our child. If she did not comply with my wishes, I would do everything in my power to shut her out of my family. It was difficult, but Mother is unpredictable, and sometimes violent. I do not want the Mouseling or my husband to be harmed by a (IMHO) deranged woman.

Now, I’m a traitor and deserve the label.

My brother is fighting with his ex-girlfriend over custody of their 11 year-old son. The ex-girlfiend, Terra, is a friend of mine. Frankly, I think she is a better parent than my sibling.

Brother called me last night. “Could you tell me why Terra is being a fucking bitch?”

I haven’t talked to Terra in a while, and had no idea what was going on. After Brother told me his side, and vented his anger, I told him that I had no insight on the situation.

“She won’t let me see Nephew during the week!”

“Nephew is in middle school now. He may need more structure.”

“And I don’t provide that?”

Oh shit, me and my big mouth. “You work nights and your social activities are not conducive to studying.”

“Like what?”

Oh well, I’m in trouble already, may as well say my piece. “You stay up late drinking and smoking weed. The TV is always on at your place. Hell, when I’ve visited, you wouldn’t even turn down the volume so we can have a conversation. Can you shut off the idiot box so your son can do his homework?”

Brother was understandably pissed at me. After a few choice words (up-tight fucking bitch, etc.) he hung up.

Not long after that, Mother called me. I got the usual spiel about how Brother needs support and that I’m awful for taking Terra’s side. I’m also a cold, distant person who doesn’t care about her family and my daughter will suffer because of this. :rolleyes: In my mind, I had the image of my mother as a Portrait screaming “Blood traitor! Product of filth and vermin!” I stifled a giggle. (Either I am cold and distant or the Zoloft I’ve been taking is working.)

Ah, well. The sun raises and sets. The moon waxes and wanes. My family and I are a bunch of loons. Sorry Baby, hopefully you will be kept out of all of this.

2

Being Sirius Black is not so bad…except for that dying part.

But seriously, it sounds like you have a good head and I don’t blame you for wanting to shelter your child from crazy people. It’s a shame that the crazy people are in your family, but we don’t get to choose our relatives. Good luck!

–FCOD

3

If you think she is a better parent than your sibling, then I think you should rain hellfire and damnation on your brother until he is reduced to a squeaking little gopher.

For the sake of your nephew.

Let him have it with both barrels. If you’re right, you’re right.

Again, for the sake of the nephew.

4

So you really have a flying motorbike and a Hippogriff? Cool!

(Seriously, sucky situation. snugs I can only recommend being there for your nephew as much as possible…)

5

The next time one of them calls you up and asks such leading questions, inquire if they are really interested in your opinion, or just in hearing that they are in the right?

If they baulk, point out that last time they asked you something and didn’t like the answer, they screamed at you and hung up. As in, don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to hear the answer to.

Point out this isn’t healthy for any relationship and you only want them to be happy. So if what they are seeking is confirmation only of their view they should seek it elsewhere. Tell them you just don’t want to fight with, or be confrontational with them anymore.

And I am going to have to take HUGE issue with this statement; “My family and I are a bunch of loons.” Every time you say this you are, in part, creating your future. Better to say, “My family are a bunch of loons, but I’m hoping to not be!” As you define yourself, so shall you be. Words are extremely powerful things, choose them with care.

6

M_M, for the past year, I’ve been reading your threads with amusement, bemusement and horror…I have to say, you could amend that statement to leave yourself out of it.
You may come from loons, but it truly seems that you are not one.

As the partner of a certified loon who comes from an abusive background, please let me say that from what I’ve seen here, you have the intelligence, drive, common sense and spousal support to break the cycle of abuse that seems to be present in your family. Mouseling will most likely grow up (relatively) well-adjusted and as confounded by your family as you are.

7

It’s for the kid. God, I am starting to think my parents were normal, loving kind parents (not) from reading your threads.

You did fine.

8

:dubious:
So who in your family is Kreacher? :stuck_out_tongue:

9

Next time ask him “How goes the war against Terra?” :smiley:

10

But you’re Andromeda Tonks.

11

So how old is your brother? Does he run home and tattle to Mommy every time something doesn’t go his way?

I keep hoping you will report that your mother has done the big dramatic scene where she casts you forth from her bosom so you don’t have to deal with her anymore. I do not see her calming down once the Mousling arrives. I hope you have the restraining orders ready.

12

Heh, my parents have no sense of entitlement as it comes to my attention. They are so grateful that I speak to them that our relationship is pretty good. They love my daughter and are great grandparents with low stress and drama because I took a number of years and barely spoke to them.

13

Mousie, m’dear, I know it’s one of the hardest things you may ever do, but SCRAPE THEM OFF!
I came from a twisted, crazy family too, and while I’m not Mother Theresa, or Clara Barton, I am an intelligent, well educated, fairly centered woman. The only way I was able to achieve that, was to divorce my negative, ranting family.
I was the first to graduate college, even thought I was “stupid and lazy.” I broke the chain of child abuse, even with my “stuborn, angry” personality.

Mousling will be fine, never knowing her grandmother or uncle. You owe it to her, and even more to yourself, to find your way out from under.

{{{Good Luck}}} But, you don’t actually need it. You’re strong and smart. You can do anything.
M.

14

Your husband and child - they’re your family. Those other, crazy people? They’re just relatives.

15

Nicely put! That sums up so many diverse thoughts and responses in one neat package.

16

Very well said.

17

As soon as I saw this, I went, “Yes!”
Purple hair and all.
But, yanno, I do want to say one thing.

When I saw this, I thought his offenses would be, I dunno, carving “SATAN” into his forearms and painting smilie faces all over the walls with blood or something. So to read that his egregious parenting offenses are apparently…

  1. Staying up late.
  2. Smoking weed.
  3. Having the TV on too loud, and at the wrong times.

…I hadda go, “Bwah?”

Because, in comparison with some of the parenting failures I see every day on cnn.com (“Man punishes toddler in dryer” was today’s headline), your bro’s trespasses seem pretty tame.

My experience is that, barring actual abuse such as starving, molestation, or beatings, kids tend to cope pretty well with the fact that Dad smokes a little weed, or that the TV is on when they’re trying to do homework, or that they’re allowed to stay up till 1 a.m. because Dad’s up, too, and it doesn’t occur to him to tell them to go to bed, so they don’t.

The important things in parenting are:

  1. Love, which means “simple kindness”, too, not just some kind of all-encompassing surge of endocrinal emotion.

  2. Like. Sometimes I love my kids but don’t like them very much, and conversely, it’s possible to not love a kid but to like him very much. As long as you’ve got either “love” or “like” in the relationship, then odds are the kid will turn out okay, no matter how much weed Dad smokes.

  3. Consistency, which also means “commitment”. Rules are always the same. Dad cannot be bribed or finessed.

  4. Authority. Dad is not God, but then neither is he “one of the boys”. He’s Dad. An adult authority figure at all times, and moreover, one who is comfortable and secure in that role.

  5. Role modeling. If Dad is overall a good neighbor, a decent co-worker, and a good citizen to the State, then his kid will be, too, no matter how loud the TV is.

  6. Consideration, which means the same politesse you’d grant to any stranger in line next to you at the gas pump.
    So, question: How does your brother stack up here? He may be confrontational and bitter to you about his breakup, but is he “Dad” to his son?

18

That would be Nympadora.

19

No, Andromeda is Nymphadora’s mother. She’s the one that broke off with the Black family because she wasn’t crazy.

20

Ahh, that’s right. My only defense is that it was only 844 am when I posted that. Quartz was right, I was wrong…sorry.