I have had clinical depression since adolescence.
Get outdoors & excercise.
I hated exercise, but long walks & bicycling really, really helps.
said it once before but it bears repeating, now
Glad to hear you had some good days. One thing to keep in mind is realistic expectations - so-called “normal” people don’t feel great every day, either. I think it was Dr. David Burns I read that said if you can get about four or five good days out of each week, you’re doing just fine. Don’t get too worried if you don’t feel wonderful every single day.
Has your therapist gotten into positive self-talk yet? This is absolutely critical to learning how to not stay in anxiety and depression forever. If you’re having a down day, the talk in your head should go like this, “Well, I don’t feel great today, but I’ll do a few things for myself, and I’ll feel better tomorrow,” not like this, “OHMYGOD!!! I feel lousy today, so that means my meds aren’t working, and my therapy isn’t working, and I’ll never feel better and my life is ruined and everyone hates me!!!1!!”
Do you see the difference? 
(By the way, positive thoughts stimulate the same part of the brain as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRI’s). Give yourself a quick and easy boost and start finding ways to think positive.)
I’ve generally been better, I think. There’s a noticeable period where the Xanax XR wears off and I get a little jittery, but as soon as I’m on it again, I’m stable and feel good.
There’s only one thing - I’ve been hyper-super-mega-aware of all the physical sensations in my body. Little tingling feelings, pins-and-needles on my legs and arms, the feeling of something hot or cold poking me in certain places. Never lasts longer than a second, and sometimes I’m not even sure if it’s happening or not, but I’ve just become super aware of every tiny tactile sensation on my body. So in my more hypochondriac moments, I’m convinced that I have either vCJD (Mad Cow Disease,) or Parkinson’s. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the fear can be very real. Are these physical symptoms (Paresthesia) a normal part of depression/anxiety? Both my parents assure me that they are, but I still worry.
I’d say most of the symptoms of my depression have noticeably faded, except for the hypochondria.
I’ve had some sever bouts of depression as well, including times where I really wished I weren’t around to see the next day.
A couple of things from my experiences.
If your parents both have depressions or other problems, (as my did) then there’s a good chance you got a double dose of both nature and nurture. Depression can run in families, and if they had depression while you grew up, you could have been trained in ineffective methods of dealing with life. This is another good reason to combine medication and therapy.
A lot of people feel better comparing their treatment of depression to treating other physical deceases, such as diabetes. No one thinks that diabetics should just “tough it out” or are weak, and that’s why they need insulin.
My bother is susceptible to getting bronchitis. When he get it, he lowers his expectations, rests a lot and recovers much quicker than if he tries to push things though. Depression can be similar. If things get too tough, figure out what is absolutely necessary and drop the rest. You can talk to your school about various options, for example. I’ve been in kind of a funk for a week, and have let a lot of thing go. Now I’m feeling better, I’ll pick up more.
A beer or two when you aren’t feeling really depressed won’t hurt that much, but don’t try it every night.
At your age, many people find themselves going through a lot of changes. Interests change and it’s easy to wonder about girlfriends. I wouldn’t worry too much if you find yourself thinking about other girls. That may not be related to the depression.
It’s not abnormal when depressed to worry about your health, or to be convinced that something is wrong. Your mind is trying to make sense of a new situation, and is working overtime to find things which could be the cause.
For the paresthesia, talk to your therapist and your regular doctor. The doctor can assure you that you’re fine, and then your therapist can help you learn self-talk to counter your fears.
Good luck. Feel free to email me if you want to talk to someone who has been there.
My sister, who also has an anxiety disorder, has the same thing - she is a hypochondriac, and her extremities go numb, and she has to convince herself that it’s just a side effect of the anxiety, not anything serious. A lot of what happens when you are experiencing an anxiety disorder comes from lowered self-confidence. Part of this can be related to your hypochondria; you don’t trust that you are healthy and you can stop worrying about every little ache and twinge, or that if you had something seriously wrong with you, you’d know it, and you would deal with it. A large part of recovery is learning to trust yourself again.
When you are deep into an anxiety disorder, you are so hyper-aware of your body that you can practically feel the blood cells in your veins; part of this is that one of the causes of anxiety disorder is being a very sensitive person to start with, and part of it is that your body, your thoughts, and your feelings have become your whole world. Another part of recovery is not letting yourself just dwell on your fears, and ruminate on them over and over. You learn how to turn away from those obsessive thoughts and think about something else.
I’m late to the question, but as far as drinking, I haven’t had any issues with having a couple of drinks while on Paxil/Celexa/Lexapro. I’m on a low dosage, though, and have been on it for some time, so take that for what it’s worth. My brother had a weird/bad time on Wellbutrin + alcohol, however.
I was hospitalized with clinical depression, a long time ago.
Take your meds.
Don’t expect the meds to make it all better, but take them anyway. Chemistry can interrupt a cycle of emotions and behavior that are self reinforcing, and destructive. It can make it possible to do the things that will make the changes that start you on the road up and out. Drugs alone are not enough, but “getting over it” isn’t gonna happen soon enough to keep the psyche from bleeding itself weak.
For me it was the hospital that started me coming back. Mine was very reality based, my life really did suck. Just laying around suffering from it was an inadequate strategy, but in the worst of it I had some other psychological problems on top of suicidal depression, such as hallucinatory and delusional perseveration. Drug problems, like pot, and some fairly strong psychedelics were probably not a good idea either, but even at the very bottom I had really good drug connections. In the end I had to get to the point that I couldn’t even talk coherently before anyone noticed that “That boy is just not right.”
So, the hard lessons: Take your meds. You won’t be competent to decide when to stop taking them until you have already been over the big hill, and it always seems that “They don’t do anything.” They don’t, but they do help you not do some shit you really do not need to be doing.
Get someone sensible, even a Psychologist, who either knows you well, or will spend the time to get to know you well, and won’t mind telling you the stuff that needs to be said. As soon as you get to the point that you are really sure that you have dealt with everything that person can possible offer you, you are ready to really get into the important stuff about therapy.
How is it going to change? Who can change it? How can they do that? When should they start actually doing it? Why not today? Well, why not first thing in the morning, then?
Nagging is good, if the point of it is that depression ends with action.
Lots of love to you. That won’t be enough, but it really does help.
I was nearly motionless, totally uncommunicative, actively delusional, angry, bitter, sad and lonely. Suicide looked really good, since a year and a half of homelessness and a long list of life crashes were getting really boring. Luckily the cops thought it was inappropriate for me to just lie there in a public thoroughfare waiting to die.
But, it is over now. Yeah, it’s thirty years later. I don’t know at exactly what point I realized that I really am not depressed, clinically, or even otherwise. I am also not stoned, not drunk, not homeless, not unemployed, and not trying to get anyone to fuck over my mind and heart. I am not sure when I stopped doing most of those, except the drugs, which were over in 1993. It didn’t happen quick, but it did happen.
The important thing to remember is that it can happen to you!
Tris
I’m glad you bumped this because I want this thread to be an ongoing process. Since what I’m going through may take a while, I want to be able to continue this discourse without starting new threads.
Well, Tris, that made me feel a lot better, because I’m thankful that what I’m going through is not as bad as what you had to deal with. Congrats on your recovery.
As for me: well, I’ve been lately getting sporadic tingling/pricking sensations, primarily in my legs but sometimes in my upper body also. They go on and off, and they’re much more noticeable during the mid to late afternoon (the window of time where the Xanax XR has worn off.) I’ve read that this can be a side effect of Xanax, and also a symptom of withdrawal from Xanax - but I’m a super hypochondriac and when the Xanax isn’t in me, I’m convinced that it’s MS, Parkinson’s, what have you, and that I’m at death’s door. I’m seeing my doctor tomorrow and I’m going to report these symptoms to him - I wonder what he’ll say.
Many of the problems, though, have faded. My relationship with my girlfriend has gotten better and we’ve been spending more quality time together. I’m eating more, though I can never really eat with any enthusiasm until late at night when the Xanax XR is in full force. And I’ve been sleeping pretty well.
Today was kind of rough, though. I woke up early because my mom wanted me to be at her house for the carpet cleaning guys (she had to go to work.) After they left, at 10:30 or so, I fell asleep and took a nap during which I had the most vivid and unnerving dreams ever. In one dream, Jon Voight was running for president (no doubt because I read that Deliverance thread earlier in the day.) In another, I was in a grassy meadow with enormous concrete walls all around, and Tom Petty was playing. I can’t remember what song, maybe American Girl. And in the third, I was playing some kind of video game with weird creatures, and one of the creatures had a funny name that made me wake up laughing. But then I was very unnerved at how real and vivid the dreams were, and it bothered me. I started getting the pins-and-needles and pricking feelings in my legs, got nervous, and went to my one class of the day. I sat in the back and was a little jittery (I could feel the XR wearing off) although I was able to raise my hand and make a comment about sex with horses that made the whole class erupt in laughter and gave me a little ego boost. (The class was on deviant sexuality - so it was appropriate in that context.)
But I took my XR at 6:30 and in a few hours felt good. At the moment I’m feeling fine and I’m going to go eat some food.
Does anyone care to chime in about these physical symptoms I’ve described? Have any of you experienced tingling, pricks, or any other paresthesia while on Xanax (or Zoloft?)
Can’t comment on the pins-and-needles feelings, but I’d just like to reinforce that you’re not alone in dealing with depression. It’s great that you seem to be coming out of it. Should you find it sneaking up on you again, don’t despair – it ebbs and flows. Get out, go for walks. Take it on faith that activity will provide some benefits.
On a somewhat related note, I drifted away from virtually everyone I knew over about a six year period. Last year, I sent a Christmas card to someone I hadn’t called in at least four years, and I just said the truth – I’d gone into a multi-year funk and seemed to be coming out of it. The next time he was in town, we got back together, and it was as if no time had passed. I think your good friends will weather the storms, should you withdraw from them. I didn’t want to subject my friends to my constant depression, but I suspect that a good proportion of them would have helped me through it (if I’d let myself ask them).
For me, my depression seemed to come out of nowhere. I’d thought I’d moved way past my childhood traumas, and was busy enjoying life, when suddenly I just hit a wall (around age 30) and realized that I was way more fucked up than I’d ever thought. Fifteen years later, and we’re still peeling back the onion and finding even more bullshit infesting my brain. (I’m very protective of my depression, and react stubbornly when various people, myself included, try to chip away at it).
In any case, things do get better; they did for me, albeit at a glacially slow pace. While I can’t say I’ve felt anything like happiness in the past few years, I can point to various indicators that I’m at least functional. (E.g., work hours, number of walks, telephone calls – they’re all evidence of a person functioning in the world). I’ve got to be satisfied with ‘functional’ for now; I’m still a work in progress.
I can’t speak to the tingling either, but I will say that the meds have made my dreams more vivid and realistic. But again, it’s been awhile and it seems normal now. I know it’s not much comfort when you’re feeling hypochondriacal, but consider everything that’s already going on. The chances that the physical effects are from the new meds are so much higher than that they’re from anything else. But certainly, ask your doc to confirm. And believe what he says, even if you are uncertain.
That’s how you know it’s legitimate depression. I think that the whole “depression = creativity and ispiration” is a stupid myth that’s been built out of this whole cult of the tortured artist. When you’re really depressed, you don’t feel like doing ANYTHING creative. You feel dead. When you’re depressed, you don’t make Pink Moon. You don’t write The Queen is Dead. You don’t even make Unknown Pleasures and Closer. You do those things when you’re sad, when you’re bummed, when you’re upset, when you’re lonely, but not when you’re legitimately depressed.
When you’re legitimately depressed, you watch Frasier reruns and waste your entire day doing nothing.
Of course. They’re one of the most common side effects of any SSRI - I guarantee that it’s the Zoloft, even though I’m not a doctor. Re-read my first response - tingling, a “white hot” feeling over my body, “zaps” like electric shocks…all ridiculously unpleasant and ridiculously common side effects of taking SSRI’s. They were enough to make me go off of the medicine - I was just too uncomfortable.
Alright, I went to the doctor today, and he said that the physical sensations could either be caused by the medication, by “overbreathing,” or by my anxiety disorder itself. But he said that they were nothing to worry about - he said that since the sensations were “migratory,” that would rule out their being caused by a serious neurological condition. I don’t know why that is, but I’ll take his word for it, I guess - he’s a very wise, old, experienced doctor.
Anyway my dose of Zoloft has been upped to 50 mg for the last few days, and it may need to go higher in the coming weeks.
Finding a good therapist may be take time. Just because the first or second therapist you have don’t work out, don’t give up. Therapists have different perspectives and personalities. It may help to ask around cognitive-behavioral training centers if money is an issue or to just get referrals. Though CBT does have research to back it up, there are other types of therapy that may be useful such as psychoanalytic or a general ecletic approach.