Ok, I’m two decades old now, a full time engineering student, and I work in a huge international corporate office… But I can still enjoy being a dumbass to older people every now and then, and probably will continue to do so for many decades to come.
Here’s the story: My two best friends here in town and I are going to eat at the Outback, and we’re in our nice clothes. I’m in a jolly mood because we’re blasting They Might Be Giants’ “Apolli 18,” and Mammal just came on… It’s one of my favorites. We’re about to get off US75 at 15th when this idiot in an Explorer who had been in our blind spot for apparently several seconds (we still don’t know if he had his blinker on) almost rams us into the wall. So, from our point of view, we’ve just narrowly escaped being killed by a moron.
But we take it in stride… However, the guy zooms by us after we exit and flips us off. So now not only has this guy almost turned us into graffiti, he’s decided to make a fool of himself by making it certain that we know he thinks it’s our fault.
Well, two can play at this game; I tell Emily to drive up next to him. I then smile, wave, and turn around to reveal my bare ass to him, slapping it playfully at him.
The guys goes NUTS. He rolls down the window, shaking a roller up poster at us and yells at us to pull over so that he can “kick our fucking asses.” I point to the guy’s “Real Men Love Jesus” bumper sticker, laugh, and as if on queue, the three of us return his one-finger salute. We go straight, he turns, still yelling.
I think he was yelling that he had his kids in the back seat with him… I hope so. I hope they saw just how much of a shitbag their daddy was.
Wow, that’s almost like what happened to me once. I was in Monterey driving towards this tunnel (it goes under several buildings and a walkway), anyway, this guy in the lane next to me starts to pull up near me. I see him, and I know he sees me (he looked right at me), then for some stupid reason he starts to merge into my lane right next to me. This causes me to swerve a bit. Fortunately this happened before I got to the cement wall where the tunnel starts (the road forks, and I had fortunately gotten into the small open area between the fork). Anyway, i get back on the road (he had swerved back into his lane), and I speed up. I look at him, he looks at me, with guilt in his eyes. Suddenly he speeds up and then gets into the turn lane to get to the Monterey Wharf. I think he was afraid i would have done something mean to him had I cornered him and caught his dumb ass.
I couldn’t have mooned the asshole cause I was the only one driving, but anyway ;)…
Hell, I’ve mooned people while driving… WITHOUT cruise-control. One of these days, I’ll get a car with cruise, and I’m sure it’ll become a regular practice. It truly is a great way to tell freeway jerks just how much you care.
So, while you’re undoing and dropping your drawers then getting up on the seat so your butt will be against the window, how do you steer, control the gas, and generally keep from going out of control?
Coldy: Like Dustin “Raymond” Hoffman said, “I’m an excellent driver…” I care about my life very much, but I also enjoy upsetting those who take it upon themselves to be total jerks on the road. It’s quite amazing that assholes really get pissed up when they see mine.
Crunchy: Keep my foot on the pedal while I remove the belt and whatnot, wait until I have a chance to slow down (red light, speed zone), then just take my foot off the gas and stand in the seat (hand on the wheel) for a good 3 or 4 seconds.
Great, another backpeddler… dude, you SAID you did it whilst driving. You even commented on getting cruise control because it would facilitate a good mooning.
Don’t give me that traffic light crap now. You were serious about this.
I hate to be moralistic about it, but I hate people who think driving is a game. It isn’t. A car can be a very dangerous weapon. And rest assured, driving with your ass out of the window doesn’t exactly put you in a position where you’re in control of your vehicle.
What brand of cereal did you find that drivers license of yours in?
Fuck off dude, I didn’t backpeddle anything. I was having fun with my post, and I never said I had done it while driving 60 down the freeway, only that I WOULD if I had cruise.
Cold Fire - I wasn’t insulting you, I was asking you (admittedly very crudely) to leave me alone… I have not retracted anything… And now, to argue about something totally ridiculous:
YES I’ve exposed my ass to people while DRIVING… I don’t know about in Europe, but over here even when you’re slowing down you’re still DRIVING. Nowhere in any of my posts did I say I had my foot on the pedal while I mooned people… And I HAVE done it while stopped, but also while moving with my foot off the pedal a few moments.
Now, if you have some argument against the fact that even when your vehicle has no positive acceleration you’re still driving, be my guest and argue some more… If not, please (and I’ll ask nicely this time) don’t argue with my posts any more… Here’s a run down:
I mooned a guy last week.
I thought it was a funny story.
A few people agreed.
Someone mentioned mooning while driving.
I said I’ve done it.
Someone asked for details on how I did that.
I said that it’s easier to do when your foot’s not on the pedal, e.g. when you’re slowing down or on cruise control.
I’ve only done the former, having never owned a car with CC.
Man, this storyline keeps changing, look at it, sheesh. It might not be backpedeling(SP) Coldie, it sounds like BS. People who drive like that, who think it is a game, need to be forced off the road, preferably at high speeds into a tree, or off a cliff. We must keep out roads safe, and what better way than ram all the bad drivers off a cliff?
I totally agree… You don’t seem to understand that I actually drive very well, and only do these things as an immarture but very satisfying way of exacting revenge upon the assholes who take it in part to act like they own the road.