My husband and I have been separated for the past couple of months. Divorce is on the horizon, and I need some legal advice. He is offering to draw up papers, with the help of his attorney, that would give me somewhat less than the state of TX allows as to child support. (We have two kiddos, 6 & 8 yrs old.) I make more than him (probably 60%/40%), but don’t want to spend a ton of money on attorney bills.
I gather that I should consult an attorney, but does anyone know how much an initial consulation would cost me? I really want to get this over with quickly and painlessly.
I can’t give you any advice about cost, but you need to have your own lawyer. Your husband’s lawyer is just that, your husband’s. He has your husband’s interests to look after, which means he is going to take every advantage he can for your husband. Good luck with everything.
Don’t cheap it out on a divorce lawyer, especially since there are kids involved. As Lok pointed out, your husband’s lawyer isn’t going to do you any favors. If you can truly afford it, find a lawyer who specializes in divorce issues who will look out for your interests.
That said, it is possible to negotiate a divorce settlement on your own, but this isn’t recommended.
I agree with the other posters: this is not the time to think about economizing. Talk to a lawyer! Your husband’s lawyer will only pursue the interests of his client.
I’m in a similar situation and have been given the suggestion of finding a mediating service. Not sure if the same thing is true for your location, but I understand that by going through a mediation service, you can get a lot of the legal legwork done including child support, visitation, asset division with trained mediators to guide you and your soon to be ex through the process and then it’s ready to present and goes through faster and ends up costing less than doing it privately with a lawyer. You still need a lawyer to present your case to the court, but because you and your spouse have already worked out the issues with a mediator, you eliminate the “have my lawyer call your lawyer” stuff which can get very costly. As I said, I’m not sure if it’s the same in other states and I haven’t looked into it enough to be any kind of advice giver! As a matter of fact it’s one of my tasks for today. I’ll post back if I find out anything more that would be relevant. I, too, just want this over as quickly and painlessly as possible. My spouse isn’t too happy about this and even though we’ve been separated for nearly 5 months, is still living here. He’s supposedly finding an apartment now, but I’m not seeing a lot of movement in that direction. Are you and your spouse in agreement about getting divorced? That will help speed things up.
I agree with everyone else in saying you should definately get your own Lawyer.
I had a friend who went through a nasty divorce. He has 3 kids and also was not the bread winner of the household due to some major health problems. So when the divorce proceedings started, he ended up doing what her Lawyer recommended, and ended up getting screwed big time. He had no money and no job, but still got a judgement to pay child support to her. He did manage to get visitation rights.
Today he is gainfully employed and is working to get custody of his kids, but it was a long time for him (4 yrs) to recover from that one bad decision.
First find a reputable lawyer. If you don’t know one, ask around or call the local bar association. Get the names of 2 or 3 lawyers and call them. The receptionist probably won’t give you any prices over the phone and will say that the initial consultation is free. That means that he/she will wait til you’re seated in front of you to give you the payment schedule. My advice is to not sign anything at that initial visit because you may want to shop around. My husband and I made a mistake and signed up with one attorney without shopping around and we ended up paying triple the standard rate for a very simple will. You don’t want to skimp on an attorney but you don’t want to get screwed either.
Other advice: Be sure you “click” with your attorney and be sure to ask what fees you are liable for in addition to their quoted fee – some lawyers make you pay a la carte for every copy they run or every trip they make to the courthouse to file papers, for instance.
Yes, yes, yes, get your own lawyer. You need someone who will look after your interests. In the state where I live, child support guidelines are based on income and take the ratio of income into consideration. There’s usually a formula, let your lawyer figure it out for you. You never know what’s coming down the road and some day you may not make more than him and need the money to take care of the children.
Make sure, even if you’re amicable and agreeable with the ex, that the custody and visitation is specifically spelled out in the agreement. That way, if there’s a question later, you have something to refer back to. I mean specific: On odd years he gets her Christmas Day, on even years I do. Visa Versa for Thanksgiving. Mother’s day is always with me even if it’s “his” weekend and likewise with Father’s day. We’ve always remained friendly and haven’t strictly adhered to this but I have friends who’s agreements didn’t spell things out and things got ugly regarding whose turn it was.
Make sure your agreement specifies who gets to claim your kids as dependants. Is it you or him or one each or every other year? (My ex and I trade off years claiming my daughter).
In my state the child support payments can be made directly or through the Clerk of the Court. I prefer the Clerk’s office because they keep track and I don’t have to hunt him down begging for a check if he’s late.
Blonde, I don’t have anything useful to add on the subject, but just wanted to offer my condolensces. I hope everything works out … well, I guess I can’t say “for the best” under the circumstances, but as well as can be expected. You have my thoughts and prayers.
Get a lawyer, you’ll need one even though it sounds like you will avoid court.
Perhaps your ex will agree to raise up the child support a little. If you can negotiate with him, great. Show everything to a lawyer just to make sure it is a good deal. The advantage of working this out together is that you’re both more likely to stick to it.
If you can’t negotiate with your ex, seek out mediation.
Sadly I’m going through a long and messy divorce with adversarial lawyers on both sides… after having tried working it out together and mediation. My ex has no incentive to settle with me, because he’d have to pay spousal support. I had been home raising our four kids for 13 years and my youngest had just turned three at the time my ex left for another woman. He was also abusive toward me after the kids came along. It’s complicated.
With the exception of cases involving spousal abuse or extreme acrimony, most couples should be able to work out a deal by themselves or with mediation, have it checked out with a lawyer and sign.
As someone going through the same thing right now, I know it’s tough. I have to agree with everyone who has said don’t skimp on the price of a lawyer, it may hurt you in the long run. I have already talked to an attorney and got a few of the facts. Even this attorney suggested that my SO have his own representation so that he protects himself. Of course we want to make this as painless as possible on the kids and we only want what’s best for them, but we both know that things always have the possibility of getting nasty. Try to stay on speaking terms with your soon-to-be-Ex, so that your children aren’t traumatized by this any more than they may already be. It makes it a lot easier on everyone. I hope that things turn out well for you and that you are happy with the new guy that you mentioned a few weeks back.
