My husband and I have been separated for five months and it’s time to get the ball rolling along in the divorce direction. Actually it’s past time, but I’ve tried to let him settle into this, idiot sucker that I am. Anyway, Someone told me about Divorce Mediation and I found someone who is local and she is sending us packets of information. According to her website and in speaking with her, she helps couples negoatiate all of the issues and decisions that need to be made in regards to the kids, support, asset division, etc. and then helps you fill out the paperwork. At any point in the process you each can see your own lawyer along with or instead of seeing her. She said that often couples will do all of the paperwork with her and then each will consult with a lawyer when the final documents are drawn up. She says she charges between $120 and 180 per hour, depending on your finances and that on average it takes ten hours of work in the office. Less if you do some of it on your own time, more if it gets complicated. I have not seen her credentials as yet. I think I’m also going to ask for references form former clients.
Overall it sounds a lot less expensive than going through attorneys and a better way to come to decisions regarding the kids. Anyone have any experience with this?
My mum was a divorce mediator for a long time. Before that, she was a family law solicitor. In other words, she’s seen both sides of the equation.
This is all second-hand information, so take it with a grain of salt.
She was a lot happier as a divorce mediator than as a divorce lawyer. She felt it encouraged people to make better decisions when it came to division of property and custody arrangements. The process of negotiation was smoother when the rabid lawyers weren’t involved. Most couples saw their petty “I’m taking everything I can get, and then some” attitudes for what they were, and ended up making educated decisions that resulted in fair and equitable distribution of assets.
Particularly, custody arrangements became less stressful for all concerned. This is a good thing!
At the end of it all, the lawyers would come in and turn the informal agreement into legalese, and most clients were happy with the outcome. This is in stark contrast to using lawyers to perform the negotiation phase, which inevitably led to protracted disputes about things that ultimately didn’t matter. The mediation route usually leads to less (or no) bitterness about the experience (and the outcome).
Personally, I think it’s a good thing you’re thinking about this path. Breakups suck, but there’s no reason to turn it into a free-for-all. Your kids will probably end up better off using this route too.
My ex and I used a mediator when we divorced a few years ago. I would highly recommend it to anyone, especially if you are still on reasonable speaking terms with your ex, which it sounds like you are. Th entire process, from our first meeting to the court appearance, took only a couple of months, and the total fee we paid the mediator was slightly over $1000, as I recall. Our mediator was also an attorney, and did all the paperwork, but some are not attorneys and have someone else do the paperwork at the end.
I’ve heard some horror stories about people who used separate attorneys, it sounds like even if the couple is relatively on the same wavelength, sometimes the attorneys start getting combative, and it ends up making things worse.
Thanks so much for your input. It makes me feel a lot more comfortable with it. I think that as difficult as it will be, it will be easier to work together for the sake of the kids. We actually had a civil conversation about this just this morning and he said he wanted to make things as easy as possible for them. I’m not a cut throat, give me everything you’ve got kind of person. I don’t want anything more than his fair share of help with the kids, whatever we can work out with the house and my freedom from him. Actually when we were talking today, it was really sad. I still care about him and I honestly hate to see him hurting, knowing that I’m the one hurting him. Unfortunately, he’s not always so civil and caring and too much damage has been done. Anyway, thanks again for the information, it’s really helpful.