OK, here is chicken for lazy folks, on the BBQ grill.
Chop up onions, a small one for every chicken, one chicken for every two big people, or every four small children. Grind up black pepper corns. A lot of it. A bit more. OK, now melt enough butter to piss off your insurance agent, with the onions and pepper in it. Add salt enough that your are pretty sure you overdid it a bit.
Charcoal: Get a big tall juice can. Cut the bottom and the top out of it, and then take a punch type of can opener, and use it to make triangular holes all along one end of the side of the can. Turn it over, and you have a chimney, with air inlets at the bottom. Put that in the bottom of your bbq grill, (which you might consider lining on the bottom with sand, but whatever) Ball up one sheet of newspapaer and put it in, making sure that it is right next to the holes in a couple of places. Heap ordinary charcoal pieces into the can, as much as will fit. Light the paper on three or more places. Leave it alone for 10 to 15 minutes, and it will have flames shooting out of the top.
Take a chicken, hold it very firmly by one wing, with the back toward you. Get a boning knife, or a chef’s knife, and insert it on the side of the neck opposite your hand, and slice sharply down along the backbone, aiming for the spot where the thigh joint ends. If you do it right, you can make it with one slice. Now move over to the other side of the neck joint, and do the same, and you will have cut the backbone out, leaving very little meat on it. Put those in the freezer, to make soup out of.
Use pliers or tongs to grab the can, and swirl it around the bottom as you pick it up. The charcoal is ready to cook. Put the grill back on, and then lay the whole chickens, skin side down, on the grill. Slather those suckers with the butter and onion stuff. Close the grill, and shut down the holes enough make the fire burn slowly.
Go away. Drink beer; flirt with your spouse. Flirt with the guests. Come back in twenty minutes and turn the chicken over, slather the stuff again, and then wait, if you must to be sure the coals all get going well before you shut it up again. Go away again. Tell lies to your friends about the African Chieftain who taught you how to cook outdoors. Don’t drink any more until the chicken is ready for a second turn. Repeat until they are done, usually two turns is enough, giving you up to an hour on the grill. Corn, taters, and such can be added at either turn, as needed, just crowd them around the edges.
The take the chickens out, and whack them once down the center of the breastbone, then across the border between the legs, and the white meat part. Do this on a board, with a great big chef’s knife, while wearing a stupid hat, and apron. Chant unintelligibley as you do this, maybe dancing a little.
Serve, and eat. You will run out.
Tris