No not in that sort of way.
I need help with names!
No not in that way either.
Bastards.
I’m trying to flesh out a short story that keeps getting longer and longer. Its a parody of the ‘classic’ fantasy story… Ya know king dies, young long lost scion comes back gets the evil people out of the kingdom and then saves the kingdom from the evil empire… blah blah blah.
Basic plot synopsis:
Wealthy costal port city, once ruled by the Mad Necromancer Wilhmer Haldstav (ok ok random name generator). He wasn’t really evil, he had his underarmy act as the city’s police force. A totally unbribable, incorruptable police force that never slept. So there was no crime, and since they were undead they were free. Which equated to low taxes.
He was assassinated/accidently killed in an experiment.
So the City Council took over. And they got the bright idea to expand their borders by cooking up a plant. A cunning plan. Basically, they offered a reward to the group of adventurers who found the long lost heir, the kid who should have been ruling instead of the Necromancer. They can then have him rule and lead them on a holy war to fight back the evil empire ™ threatening their way of life.
And everyone bought it.
The story focuses on the last group of adventurers who are sent out of the city on this quest. They are the dregs of adventuring society, the loosers, the hopeless, the pathetically inept.
We have:
Falistad <Need last name!> the Narcolyptic (a theif who falls asleep at the job too often)
Thor <need another last name!> Gnome, warrior, owner of a suit of magic plate armor 6’7" but is only 3’ tall himself. He operates his armor with a complex series of pullys and levers.
Sir <I need a first name!> Hazlehoff, Paladin for the Holy Order for the LOVE of all MEN. His order runs gay nightclubs throughout the land. He’s not too bright, but good looking and can’t figure out why his brothers keep trying to get … close… in the showers.
Sarah of <I need a place name>, Elvish archer. She’s short, slightly overweight, and wears lime green and pink. One of the rare drab elves. This race of elves has no sense of fashion or colour coordination. She was cast out of her village for trying to redecorate her house in a fluffy bunny in mauve and neon orange wallpaper. Even they have standards.
Brother Jerald Lockes, priest of the feared Tri-Dieties, Dewey, Cheethum and Howe–Gods of copywrite/patent law. Cursed by those who would ever dare to use a copywrited or trademarked slogan without asking for permission first. Unfortunatly, nobody knows what a copywrite is so his priests are suck with searching the globe trying to figure out what’s a Martini and why they must have 3 of them for lunch.
Majestyk, Illusionist of the Hidden World. aka Dick Smally. Speaks two dozen languages, unfortunatly only the local equivelent of ‘gutter slang’.
Keleric <Not even sure I should give him a last name>. Nephew of the Mad Necromancer, technically he’s the long lost heir to the throne. Part vampire, but mostly Apathy, a powerful necromancer who got sent by his parents out of the city by his father because, ‘look at the lad, he’s so pale and scrawny! He needs some sun and healthy farm work!’ Grabbed by the intrepid adventurers because all lost heirs to whatever are working menial jobs. And nothing is more menial than slopping out the animals from Big Bika’s Budget Magical Animal Emporium and Petting Zoo. He was finally kicked out of the family tower after the incident when he invited his GF’s mom over for dinner…
As you can guess, I need either first or last names for the characters…
I’ll take any suggestions! I just really need some suggestions to get the imagination working again… I’ve exhausted my name list… (I made up a list of 400 names to use in short stories and the few that are unused all sound… wrong)
