I need SDMB advice

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, my lifestyle changes a lot. Sometimes I live at home, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I have a computer, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I’m employed, sometimes I’m not. So my SDMB posting habits change a lot, and I take long breaks. It’s not unusual for me to go a few months without posting at all and reading only rarely, and then I’ll go a month or two where I make upwards of 10 posts a day. Usually this isn’t for any reason related to the board, just because of changing aspects of my life.

Coming back from the fake board today, I thought it would be neat to have a look at the most recent posts I made before last December where the archives get cut off or whatever. What followed was a most unpleasant experience. I came across some posts I made a few months ago on a topic that many people, including myself, feel strongly about, wherein I expressed an unpopular opinion. One post of mine also contained a hastily worded unpopular opinion that very many posters took exception to. Many posters disagreed with me, and one person even emailed me about it. I responded to the email and came back to the thread to apologize briefly to that person. Subsequent to this post, the thread was moved, and I was berated, called names, and made fun of, especially since I never came back to the thread to explain myself – none of which I saw. After this I didn’t post for a couple months. It’s possible that I got frustrated and intimidated by the response to my opinions and decided just to lump it.

I’ve been posting again since January, and I’ve only just discovered this thread and all these posts directed at me that I’ve never seen before. Now I find out that there are all these posters out there, most of which are still active on the boards, and who, at least at one point, have had a really bad opinion of me. I realize that a lot of people don’t hold grudges, and most people probably don’t even remember me, but it makes me very uncomfortable to know that this happened and just go on posting like it’s nothing. To me it doesn’t seem like nothing. Maybe I’m overreacting. I don’t like thinking that people think I’m a jerk, or an idiot. I really don’t like thinking that people think I did any of this on purpose, and began posting again knowing what had happened and just hoping everyone had forgotten about it.

So I need your help. If this were you, what would you do? Would you respond to the thread now, so many months later, or would you let sleeping dogs lie? Would you try to make amends and explain yourself, or hope that people have had the opportunity in the interim to form a more balanced opinion of you?

I know that the fact that I’m posting this changes things. I know that anyone interested in seeing me look like a fool can easily do a search to find the thread I’m talking about. But I’m kind of ashamed, and I’d like to do what’s right. Maybe I feel a little bit like it would be best to just let it go, but just in case there are people out there who despise me, maybe I’m making this post in the hope that they’ll see it and reconsider. On preview, that is looking more and more likely. Maybe if there’s anyone out there who remembers what I’m talking about, maybe they’re willing to give me another chance. I dunno. Maybe it really doesn’t matter all that much.

2

Having explained your position and changing lifestyle, I’d let it go. Most people don’t remember what was posted yesterday, much less months ago. You’ve made an honest effort with this thread to state your situation. I would make it a habit, though, if you are gonna be away from the computer for a while and you are involved with a thread, that you inform posters in the thread that you will not be posting again for reasons beyond your control. That should about do it.

3

I went and found the thread in question–the things I’ll lose sleep for. I won’t get into my opinion of what you wrote there–suffice it to say I agree with the others–and I won’t link to it, though somebody else is liable to.

I would say that most of the participants in that thread will have forgotten it by now. But if you want to be 100% sure that nobody has you on their asshole list over it–and if it’s left on, we can now make those on our asshole lists effectively disappear–you’re gonna have to deal with it. The only way I see to do that is to post to the old thread, link to this one, and mitigate or defend however you want.

That’s part of the fun of this format: everything we say can and probably will be used against us. :smiley:

4

I’d say let it go. This board feels like a new start for everything.

5

Yeah, I would just let it go. Does give one pause to think, though. If that bonkin’ smiley had been moved back here with us, you could have thrashed yourself forever, for all to see…

New start, I say!

6

Rollin’… Rollin’…Rollin… You gotta let it rool off you man. People are way more concerned about what others think of them to spend time thinkin’ about you. Water over the Dam, the Horse is out of the barn… (insert cliche’ of your choice here). For the future, if you think twice before you speak you’ll find you say a lot less.

7

I’ll bet a lot of peeps (me included) were never aware the thread existed in the first place. By mentioning it, you made a few curious individuals investigate it, and in so doing, made more people than before think you might be an asshole.

It’s like when one of the Baldwin brothers (don’t remember who, they’re all the same anyway) called Howard Stern to alert the listeners that there was a food critic who gave a bad review of his restaurant. I guess he wanted to expose this critic in front of a national audience for being a jerk. Stern told him he just made things worse for himself, because before, nobody knew who this guy was. Now, thanks to Baldwin’s free publicity, everybody knows.

The past is the past. Maintain a dignified silence and let it go.

8

I was aware of you.
I thought you to be a jerk.

I appreciate the clarification you posted here.

Does that help?

:wink:

9

Once I was in a Pit thread that got very heated very quickly. I had the very unpopular opinion in the debate and I was so mad that I could’nt write out my points clearly which led to more hatred of me.

It was already planned to have a mini doper get together and one of the people I was argueing with was going to be there!

But it was completly cool. You should know that quite of few of the people here just love to have spirited debates. If someone can argue the other side of an arguement at say 99% ability of I have to argue my side then that is the best thing. It’s when it gets lopsided that many dopers get frustrated.

So I wouldn’t worry about it. Just get back in there.

10

Don’t worry, I don’t have an opinion of you at all. :stuck_out_tongue: And presumably you of me. Take care.

11

Yeah, well, I knew it’d happen. Oh well. And ‘dignified silence’ for me isn’t really an option anyway. Oh well.

Yes. This is the best result that I could have hoped for. Thank you.
You know, it just occurred to me, seeing this old thread, that it was entirely possible that the only impression I have ever made on this board was a negative one, and that really doesn’t sit right with me. I try to be a nice person and everything. I guess another goal of this thread here was to try to flush out anyone that did have me on their ‘asshole list.’ I’m one of those people who’d rather know a thing like that than live in ignorance.

I mean, the only reason to post here is the community. You don’t register and post in order to learn, you read in order to learn. You post in order to get recognition and acceptance. And I’ve made 600 posts and I’m still loitering around on the fringes, then something like this comes along, it gives me grave doubts about my value to the community. And it kind of makes you think. Well, at any rate, it makes me think.

Actually, forget all that. I just don’t want people to dislike me.

I’m cool! Like me!

I’d delete the crappiness above and just leave the Ayer-isms as my entire post, but I wouldn’t want people to think I was being flippant, since a lot of thought on my part has gone into deciding what to say in this thread. Besides, this way someday I can look back on this thread and get really embarrassed, right?

Thanks to those who have responded so far for your input.

12

I’m new here. I never read your post,so I don’t know what you said. I’m kinda curious, but i won’t look. everybody else has probably forgotten… but i think that if you feel you need to clarifly yourself to make yourself feel better and have your opinion more understood, then perhaps you should.
sometimes, when you go to type out your feelings it’s hard to express your original idea… or it is for me anyway.

13

Okay, on third and fourth thoughts, this is another hastily expressed opinion. Some people post because they feel inclined to make their voice heard. Some people post in order to contribute their knowledge to a discussion or to help someone with a problem, and some people may even post in the interest of (gasp!) fighting ignorance.

Thanks, secretkeeper78. I have that same problem. These ‘words’ are so clumsy and vague.