I only came in here to pee. You didn't need to scar me emotionally.

[El_Cid_Viscoso]

@Excalibre

Then I’m utterly mystified as to what he could possibly be talking about.

Which part mystifies you? The fact that I burned you, or the fact that you burned yourself trying to understand the burn of the first part?

[Kalhoun]

@gigi

This reminds me of the time I went over to a friend’s house. He was living in a crack shack that he was slowing fixing up to be basically livable, though it would never be House Beautiful. So I’m sitting in the kitchen which was one doorless opening away from the room where he had set up an uncontained pot. It clearly was an urgent matter when he excused himself during a dinner of just us, dead silence except for the usual, and the stink. No one would have batted an eye if he had gone in the woods in that neighborhood, a much better choice with someone ten feet away with no barrier.

Now, see…why didn’t he crank the stereo? I mean, it’s the obvious answer!

[Kalhoun]

(Pssssst…those of you who still think this was a serious rant and think you have a sense of humor…don’t)

[Excalibre]

@El Cid Viscoso

Which part mystifies you? The fact that I burned you, or the fact that you burned yourself trying to understand the burn of the first part?

You think you managed to insult me? That’s actually sorta cute . . . . And you actually think I should feel embarrassed for not knowing your slang term? That’s just puzzling. Why would anyone be embarrassed about that? (“Quiet tongue”? Jeez, you kids today aren’t even trying.)

What’s your deal, anyway?

[Excalibre]

@Kalhoun

(Pssssst…those of you who still think this was a serious rant and think you have a sense of humor…don’t)

Sweetie, finding things funny that aren’t actually funny isn’t usually considered a mark of a good sense of humor.

[Creaky]

@jay-c

Thank you for taking it in the spirit in which it was intended. Poop humor is pretty commonplace in my family…

Excellent! Why the hell not laugh if you think it’s funny? Life’s short.

As children, we referred to our digestive systems as “the rocket sled”, as that’s roughly equivalent to the speed at which most foods exit our asses.

See, this is funny. I’m actually laughing out loud, which doesn’t happen nearly enough with what I read on this board.

I’m truly, seriously ill, and go out of my way as much as possible to avoid that happening. Perhaps that’s a neurosis, perhaps that’s courtesy for my coworkers. Call it what you will.

No worries. No need to explain. It was a rant, it was funny, it was good. Th’ hell with the humorless goofballs, baby!

[El_Cid_Viscoso]

@Excalibre

You think you managed to insult me? That’s actually sorta cute . . . . And you actually think I should feel embarrassed for not knowing your slang term? That’s just puzzling. Why would anyone be embarrassed about that? (“Quiet tongue”? Jeez, you kids today aren’t even trying.)

What’s your deal, anyway?

Wow, that’s not how I thought you’d react at all and a “burn” is not by any means to be construed an insult.

QT is vintage stage and screen for “shhhhh, it’s a secret.” I was, and am riffing on your response to Eve, which I think was actually pretty much a class-act thing to do, even though it took you two whole minutes to post it. That you choose to hyperventilate is your own business.

[Excalibre]

@El Cid Viscoso

Wow, that’s not how I thought you’d react at all and a “burn” is not by any means to be construed an insult.

QT is vintage stage and screen for “shhhhh, it’s a secret.” I was, and am riffing on your response to Eve, which I think was actually pretty much a class-act thing to do, even though it took you two whole minutes to post it. That you choose to hyperventilate is your own business.

Sorry, but you skewed a bit sphinxish in the delivery.

[El_Cid_Viscoso]

@Excalibre

Sorry, but you skewed a bit sphinxish in the delivery.

You’re not playing possum?

[Guinastasia]

@Rick

You might find this book helpful.
Deal with it.

Every time I hear the title of that, I think of that Sesame Street song and montage called “Everybody sleeps”.

I don’t know if I’d want to see the montage that would go along with this version.

[Excalibre]

@El Cid Viscoso

You’re not playing possum?

The raven cries at midnight!

[username_taken]

I thought the post was hilarious. Very well done jay-c! I can’t believe anyone would take it as anything other than a simple rant. By the way, I am a sometimes Offender of the Work Bathroom tm, and I can still totally relate with this. The other day I went to take a leak and opened the door to a smell that is quite possibly the second worse smell I have ever experienced. Needless to say I turned 180 degrees on my heels and decided to hold it until I could make my way to the bathroom on the next floor. And by the way, someone mentioned how simple it is to vent bathrooms. Our bathroom at work is usually around 80 to 85 degrees, and with 0 air movement. Taking a dump in that place is like going in a sauna- a very smelly sauna. Nothing having all that sweat on you for other people’s poop spores to stick to. Yuck.

[Guinastasia]

@Zsofia

She was probably in a good mood! Aren’t you in a good mood when you take a really good dump? Lose ten pounds, feel free as a bird? Leave with a smile on your face?

“You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better?” -Ron “Tater Salad” White

[shamrock227]

@Guinastasia

“You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better?” -Ron “Tater Salad” White

Now that’s funny.

[auntie_em]

@Guinastasia

Every time I hear the title of that, I think of that Sesame Street song and montage called “Everybody sleeps”.

I don’t know if I’d want to see the montage that would go along with this version.

*Ev’rybody poops…
Ev’rybody poops…
Ev’ry day we blast a bomb…
into our porcelain hoops…
*

As for the OP… loved it! Sister, you should work where I do - I’m loving life since my coworker hipped me to The Secret Loo near the corporate entrance. It’s a lovely lounge area leading to ONE STALL, with a full floor-to-ceiling door.

Sometimes I sing in there.

[jay-c]

@El Cid Viscoso

As for the OP, from what I’ve seen she’s a biscuit. Hot chicks can always get away with this kind of stuff.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Not being familiar with the term “biscuit”, I’ll infer from the rest of your statement that it’s a good thing, so thanks! I wondered if posting my picture in the MPSIMS thread would end up biting me in the ass, as my face is now forever associated with poop in most Dopers’ minds. Hell, there are plenty of Dopers in my city, most likely a couple in my workplace, and I just outed myself as the girl with the shy sphincter. :eek:

[Surly_Chick]

@Nava

Among other jobs I’ve held: Cook in a summer camp where the B-rooms were dug trenches !

Good God! What kind of sadist would send their children to a camp that primative? I would have run away from home rather than endure that.

[tdn]

@Excalibre

And you actually think I should feel embarrassed for not knowing your slang term?

I’m surprised that you’ve never heard of “QT” before. Ever heard of keeping things on the down low? Or mum’s the word? How about hush hush? Tickalock?

You’re response does crack me up. Dang whippersnappers, with all their newfangled slang, like “cool”, “man”, and “the.”

[tdn]

@jay-c

Not being familiar with the term “biscuit”, I’ll infer from the rest of your statement that it’s a good thing, so thanks!

The term I would have used is QT3.14159.

[Excalibre]

@tdn

I’m surprised that you’ve never heard of “QT” before. Ever heard of keeping things on the down low? Or mum’s the word? How about hush hush? Tickalock?

The down low? You mean like how every black man in the world is secretly having sex with other black men and not telling his wife? I learned all about it on Oprah.

Anyway, get off of my lawn. You young whippersnappers, always using words in a fashion inconsistent with their traditional definitions, and wearing your pants at the waist instead of at the armpit like normal people.