The really funny(sad? incredible?) part is that the terrible unbelievable stories follow such a fixed pattern. As long as I’ve been reading the boards there’s always been a thread started by a first time poster detailing a lurid personal problem designed to elicit a reaction. And it always gets it.
However, it can’t be seen from the moon.
That’s true.
Hey - I got an apostrophe right!
FTT? First-time-through? I *have[i/] to calculate this shit. Dollars and Bhat and Rupees and RMB depend on it!
No! No! Please don’t go! If this is the quality of what you have to say, the SDMB desperately needs you! How can you think to deprive the board of such sagacity?
Everything I have ever said on this board was absolutely 100% sincere.
Fair enough.
I also tend to think that baby killers are bad. And askholes. This board is full of askholes.
Fart out a cat! What do you have against bad ass babies who don’t take no guff from nobody? Did you get killed by a baby? Fuck a cactus, Katniss, and bat jizz.
You’ve got rhythm, but aint got no jive.
… and the angels of Straight Dope Message Board Heaven sing Hallelujah … 
You are welcome Vita 
Did I mention that the mods around this place are absolutely fabulous?
So a Pit thread ends on a note of joy !
I would reply to the OP, but I’m afraid of being an FTTer.
Fast Fourier Transformer?
ETA: wait, that’s an FFT. Sorry. 
Wired has a very interesting, related story today.
Basically, you can’t win against trolls. If you ignore them, they win. If you engage them, they win. Because their trolling isn’t really about you, but more to do with their competition against *other *trolls in trolling you. They’re trying to out-troll each other.
Best to hunt them down and string 'em up.
Maybe we need like, a Troll Alert System?
“And he piled upon the troll’s tiny hump the sum of all the rage and hate felt by his whole internet session. If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it!”
/Picard