I pit everybody (well, a number of people) in this thread

The BBQ Pit
21

No, not every student knows what a condom is. For that matter, even though it’s been a requirement in the state I grew up in that Sex ed be taught, I managed to miss it completely - not through an deliberate effort, simply by changing schools for other reasons so I left one school system that didn’t do it til 7th grade, then going to a school that had taken care of it in fifth or sixth grade.

And the whole demonstration with the banana thing? The closest I ever came to seeing that IRL was when John Constantine assisted Death in talking about safe sex. Which was something I read in my mid-twenties.

Do not assume your personal experience is identical to everyone else’s.

22

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
. . . And the whole demonstration with the banana thing? . . . . Do not assume your personal experience is identical to everyone else’s.
[/QUOTE]
Also, if you’re demonstrating with a banana to sixth graders, most could assume that big old rubber thing that fits on a banana is not for them. :smiley:

23

I agree that many of the responses in the thread were snarky, and possibly unhelpful.

However, I wanted to pit the kid for the oh-so-charming “so I stuck it in her.” What a lucky girlfriend! Honestly, this is what 17 year olds say? Sounds about ten years younger to me.

24

So is the guy a troll or an idiot? Or both? HowieReynolds posted a link about pre-ejaculate which clearly and succinctly described it, and unbrokenpeepee responded with this:

Ten minutes later, he seems to have forgotten all about it, and posted this:

He repeated the question he had just acknowledged reading an answer to, and repeating the dubious claim that he never masturbated. Troll ahoy.

25

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
No, not every student knows what a condom is.
[/QUOTE]

Except for the one we’re talking about – he did. We covered this. And he had sex-ed. He acknowledged that. We covered that too. So I guess we can all stop with the “but he might not have had sex ed,” “but he might not know what a condom is” crap, huh?

And no one yet has come up with a more factually accurate answer to the OP than the one I gave in the first reply…go figure.

26

Originally posted by Otakuloki

I find it hard to believe a guy could graduate from HS without knowing what a rubber was. Unbrok3npp knew what one was. (See Kozmik’s post #119 in the related thread.)
I smell a rat. :dubious:

27

Garfield226, and Morgenstern, I’m not making a judgement about whether the OP in the linked thread is a jerk, or a troll, or simply clueless.

I was simply offering my own, admittedly exceptional, personal experience to counter Morgenstern’s assertion that all HS students know about condoms, and how to properly apply one.

I knew of condoms by the time I finished HS. That they were some kind of rubber sheath for one’s penis. That’s it. Size, varieties, use, effectiveness, how reliable they were - only the vaguest of clues.

28

Gee, Morgenstern I’m glad you’ve never used bad judgment EVER, or did anything bad for you even though somewhere in your head you “knew better.”

I find it very, very possible that he doesn’t know the mechanics of his own reproductive system, much less how to aquire/use a condom. Until you have met people raised in a superstrict religious community you shouldn’t go around asserting that such things are impossible. It doesn’t even take that, actually. Some parents think “ignorance is bliss” – in a some school districts parents can “opt out” of sexual education – in other words it is not mandatory.

29

[QUOTE=Garfield226]
Except for the one we’re talking about – he did. We covered this. And he had sex-ed. He acknowledged that. We covered that too. So I guess we can all stop with the “but he might not have had sex ed,” “but he might not know what a condom is” crap, huh?

And no one yet has come up with a more factually accurate answer to the OP than the one I gave in the first reply…go figure.
[/QUOTE]

Well, you could have given him some numbers. “Unlikely” is one thing when you’re 17 and scared and another when you’re stable and trying to conceive. And I’m not sure the scold about learning about reproduction was appropriate for GQ, or, in retrospect, entirely accurate, since you’re now telling us he did learn about reproduction.

But yeah, yours was certainly the best answer on page one, I’ll give you that.
As for the quality of his education, I’m compelled once again to point out that we have adult, sexually active Dopers who have admitted in past threads to not knowing that women have “three holes down there” or that urine does not come out of the vagina, nor babies out the anus. Do not misunderestimate the abysmal state of sex ed in our country.

And, while I’m at it, in case **unbrok3npp **decides to read this thread, I’ll recommend he pick up two copies of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, an excellent book on fertility awareness, with methods of contraception that are both effective and in line with Catholic teachings - as long as you abstain from sex a few days a month instead of using a condom or other barrier or chemical method of birth control. Two copies, of course, so he can give one to his girlfriend and read the other himself.

30

Originally posted by Hello Again

Gee, I didn’t get thought out of my post. As for bad judgment, I stopped counting 'em at 100.
The underlying purpose of my post is this; I think unbrok3npp is playing a little game, with the board, not his girlfriend.

31

I can’t get behind this Pitting.

Of course there was snark. There usually is because this is the Dope. You get responses based on what you put in the OP and this OP didn’t scream “I’m 17, a virgin, and just now for the first time ever ejaculated and my girlfriend was there and What Does This Mean?!?” It came across more as, “I’m an idiot and wonder could I have gotten this girl pregnant?”

unbrok3npp was given information–it was unlikely that this situation caused pregnancy but not impossible; if you want to find out for sure go see a doctor or Planned Parenthood; and by the way, you should become more educated that you are now, because what you know now isn’t cutting it.

If unbrok3npp wasn’t enjoying the snark, he should have acknowledged the good info, indicated he was satisfied with the kind responses he received but disappointed in the slightly snarky ones, and then left the thread. Instead, IMO, he gave the impression that he wasn’t paying attention to the good responses and that he hadn’t learned anything.

If he’s going to college in a few months, I hope he bones up on his writing skills and reading comprehension because it appears he didn’t pay any better attention in those classes than in sex ed.

32

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Well, you could have given him some numbers. “Unlikely” is one thing when you’re 17 and scared and another when you’re stable and trying to conceive. And I’m not sure the scold about learning about reproduction was appropriate for GQ, or, in retrospect, entirely accurate, since you’re now telling us he did learn about reproduction.
[/QUOTE]

Not enough, apparently.

And I don’t think there are really any meaningful numbers you could give with the information contained in the OP. Had he mentioned that it was the day after her period, and gone into slightly more detail (slightly. Please…only slightly) about what “stuck myself in her” meant, and how long “a little later” when he “put it back in” was. What numbers would YOU assign to that and how accurate would you guess them to be? I say that any numbers you could give with that vague information (and keep in mind, now he’s not even sure he ejaculated at all) would be meaningless.

33

[QUOTE=Brain Wreck]
Fucking dickheads. I hope your cocks fall off.
[/QUOTE]
If I had a dick on my head, I’d want it to fall off.

34

[QUOTE=Staggerlee]
If I had a dick on my head, I’d want it to fall off.
[/QUOTE]

I can see your OP now…

*The other day my girlfriend and I were messing around and I stuck my headdick in her and it fell off. Could I have gotten an STD even though we really didn’t have sex? *

35

[QUOTE=Garfield226]
Not enough, apparently.

And I don’t think there are really any meaningful numbers you could give with the information contained in the OP. Had he mentioned that it was the day after her period, and gone into slightly more detail (slightly. Please…only slightly) about what “stuck myself in her” meant, and how long “a little later” when he “put it back in” was. What numbers would YOU assign to that and how accurate would you guess them to be? I say that any numbers you could give with that vague information (and keep in mind, now he’s not even sure he ejaculated at all) would be meaningless.
[/QUOTE]

I’d start with the numbers I gave here. Here’s what I was composing in my head. I answer this question, or ones nearly just like it, every friggin’ day on Yahoo answers, and I have pretty much a template by now:

No method of contraception at all yields 85 babies for every 100 women each year. Withdrawal before ejaculation yields 20-30 babies for every 100 women each year. We can see from this that it’s obvious withdrawal has some effect, but it’s not quite as effective as a condom (15 babies for 100 women a year) or fertility awareness using fertility signs (2-5 babies for 100 women a year) or hormonal birth control like the pill, patch or ring (2 babies for 100 women a year). Putting the penis back in the vagina after ejaculation raises the risk from the baseline withdrawal method a bit, but I’m not sure how much.

Sex without a condom is risky not only because of pregnancy, but STD’s, and even a virgin can have herpes or HPV, the virus that causes warts. You can reduce your risks by wearing a condom. If a condom breaks, get emergency contraception from the pharmacist - you don’t need a prescription, but it’s kept behind the counter - within 72 hours of the break, the sooner the better. You should also get tested for STD’s at a doctor or Planned Parenthood, since no condom or a condom break puts you at greater risk.

As for this time, you can pray a lot, but you won’t really know what you’re in for until the day she misses her period. The day after her period is due, a home pregnancy test (available at the dollar store) is 99% accurate for a positive result, and somewhere in the 80’s for a negative. If she tests negative but still doesn’t get her period, test again in two weeks - sometimes it takes a while for the hormone to build up enough for the test to read it. If she still tests negative, she needs to see a doctor anyway. She’s not pregnant, but she needs to find out why she’s not getting her period. If she tests positive, she’s pregnant, and needs to see a doctor or midwife.

True, most of that information was eventually conveyed somewhere in the thread, but it’s possible to get it all out without any judgment or snark at all, and that’s what a GQ thread should look like, IMHO.

I LOVE snark, don’t get me wrong. It’s part of why I’m here. It just felt inappropriate and not useful in that situation.

36

Doesn’t matter how educated a kid is if he has been raised in a household with fundamental religious values. He may have simply gotten carried away, which happens to well-educated adults, or he may be in denial. There are a handful of fundamental Christian denominations that preach unconditional abstinence in both actions *and * thoughts, and whose teachings and literature forbid impure thoughts, masturbation, and even the discussion of sex among peers. In my opinion shame is the most powerful emotion that is wielded by man, and no entity shames with impunity like strict, fundamentalist Christian parents. “Chastity Contracts” are a popular concept here in the South- youth are encouraged to sign a formal contract promising chastity in a ceremony in front of the congregation. That is a pretty heavy commitment (burden) to carry around when you spend 90% of your day squelching impure thoughts.

If you feel sick and ashamed just by thinking about sex, how are you supposed to carry a condom around? If you are completely opposed to masturbation, how are you supposed to learn how your penis works? Yeah, kid admits to being willfully stupid about matters of reproduction. But we don’t know how many years of shame and brainwashing have been used to prevent him from admitting to himself that sexuality is a natural, biological process that no one is immune to.

(I am *not * endorsing pre-marital sex. I support the Chuch’s teachings that abstinence until marriage is the smartest conduct; however- a lack of knowledge and communication can lead to mistakes, and it simply isn’t realistic to expect kids to deny every aspect of sexuality when teen hormones are plotting a mad conspiracy to mix genetic material.)

From the Watchtower: “… the fact that autoeroticism or masturbation is no mere innocent pastime but rather a practice that can lead to homosexual acts. How so? In that self-induced masturbation may make it easier and more tempting for one to engage in mutual masturbation, which is a form of homosexuality. Sincerely striving against this practice will go far to protect a youth.”

And on premarital sex:
“To act upon every sexual desire would be, in a sense, as foolish as hitting someone each time you felt anger.”

From the LDS website: “Latter-day Saints subscribe to a total morality.” and “Control our thoughts. No one commits sexual sin in an instant. Immoral acts always begin with impure thoughts. If we allow our thoughts to linger on obscene or immoral things, we have already taken the first step toward immorality. We must flee immediately from situations that may lead to sin and pray for constant strength to resist temptation and control our thoughts.”

There are teenagers who are emotionally and physically prepared for a sexual relationship. There are teenagers who are responsible enough to protect themselves from disease and pregnancy. There are teens who are mature enough to set limits and practice self-control.

The teenager in question does not match the above criteria, and should not have been fooling around. He was not emotionally, spiritually, or physically prepared to deal with the consequences, but I do not feel that this is entirely his fault.

37

mixed feeling on this one. I tried my best to help the OP. I personally thought (think) that better than speculating about the odds, the way to go was to have a pregnancy test at the doctor, and tried to get some attention to that. No such luck.

That said, I am not sure about the OP wanting his ignorance fought. If he isn’t a troll (and I have no reason to think he is), he is blindly casting about in the hopes that someone will say what he wants to hear. That she is not pregnant, that all is well, and that future calamity can be avoided by sheer force of will.

I have not seen any effort on his part to take any advice that goes beyond figuring out whether she is pregnant (by theoretical analysis alone). Maybe not at the beginning, but I think he is fair game now (I will still abstain but that is a personal choice)

I do agree that there was some unwarranted snark at the start of the thread, though. Not that that is not par for the course in GQ, but I found the issue delicate enough that I didn’t find it in me to just jump and make fun of the whole thing.

And the seaman joke was very funny. Sorry.

38

[QUOTE=Sapo]
mixed feeling on this one. I tried my best to help the OP. I personally thought (think) that better than speculating about the odds, the way to go was to have a pregnancy test at the doctor, and tried to get some attention to that. No such luck.
[/QUOTE]

We might have a cultural/health care system difference here. I don’t think that’s a bad idea, but not a single person I know has gone to the doctor for the initial pregnancy test. We just wait two weeks and take a home pregnancy test. It’s both a monetary and privacy decision, I think. With no regular doctor, it would cost me well over $200 for an initial doctor and blood test, not to mention taking a day off work, finding a babysitter and potentially alerting people I wouldn’t want to know about it (my insurance company, in my case, and his parents in his case). I can spare the extra 14 days for $1 and the privacy of my own bathroom. It’s not like you have any “options” for the first two weeks (after the emergency contraception pill, of course) that you don’t have on day 15.

39

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
We might have a cultural/health care system difference here. I don’t think that’s a bad idea, but not a single person I know has gone to the doctor for the initial pregnancy test. We just wait two weeks and take a home pregnancy test. It’s both a monetary and privacy decision, I think. With no regular doctor, it would cost me well over $200 for an initial doctor and blood test, not to mention taking a day off work, finding a babysitter and potentially alerting people I wouldn’t want to know about it (my insurance company, in my case, and his parents in his case). I can spare the extra 14 days for $1 and the privacy of my own bathroom. It’s not like you have any “options” for the first two weeks (after the emergency contraception pill, of course) that you don’t have on day 15.
[/QUOTE]

True. When you are 17 and sweating bullets, though, every minute less that you have to wait is worth gold. I was there (and I was much older than 17).

Will Planned Parenthood or similar entities offer a pregnancy test? Other than a peeing stick, I mean.

40

[QUOTE=Sapo]
True. When you are 17 and sweating bullets, though, every minute less that you have to wait is worth gold. I was there (and I was much older than 17).

Will Planned Parenthood or similar entities offer a pregnancy test? Other than a peeing stick, I mean.
[/QUOTE]

I was 17 a LONG time ago, but they wouldn’t see you and do a blood test - it was pee on a stick back then AFTER you missed a period. Even when I was undergoing infertility treatments, we didn’t do blood tests to find out if I’d caught. It was “pee on a stick” X number of days post ovulation - though that may have been that I was suspected to have implantation issues, not conception issues, so blood tests wouldn’t have done much good except in getting my hopes up.

What has changed is they’ll now offer you the morning after pill - not available back when you used to have to walk uphill to school in the snow both ways.

That month of waiting is hell, but a lot of us have done it.