I pit jarred alfredo sauce

Inspired by this thread, but aimed at all you suckers who are spending $4/bottle for shitty paste-y icky jarred alfredo sauce.

Alfredo sauce is, without a doubt, one of the EASIEST fuckin’ things to make on the face of the planet. About the ONLY difficult or time-consuming part of it is grating the parmesan, and if you can’t even handle that, you can buy good quality pre-grated parmesan at just about any deli. I know this is true, because I can get it in the far north middle-of-nowhere town that I live in.

Do yourself a favor and chuck ALL those jars of alfredo you have lurking in your cupboard and do this instead:

  • boil a pound of pasta. Doesn’t matter which, but fettucine is the classic.
  • Heat one large frying pan. Add 1/2 stick of butter. When it’s melty, add 1 cup of cream. No, don’t try making this lo-fat by using no butter or fake butter and milk. If you’re going to eat alfredo just bite the bullet and go to the gym earlier in the day or eat lettuce for a week or something.
  • when cream is hot, add about half the parmesan, and give it a stir. Drop the cooked pasta into the frying pan. Mix. Add the rest of the parmesan. Mix more. Add salt and pepper. Put onto plate. Eat, and rejoice.
    Yes, I’m a food snob. I’ve been staring at those stupid jars of alfredo in the grocery store for months thinking how dumb they were. Add in the above thread about someone who had SIX FOOKIN’ bottles of the stuff in their cupboard and I just have to speak up. Deal with it.

If you’re feeling daring, mince up a few cloves of garlic and toss 'em in the pan with the butter. Mmm, garlic.

Oh yeah, that’s wonderful, too. There’s a ton of good additions, but I wanted to make it simple for the crowd who think jarred alfredo is an acceptable food choice.

Looks like Northern Michigan wins for Good Taste in Alfredo Sauce. Sure, you may think we’re hicks, but we make damn good pasta. It’s handy for building that layer of fat necessary to go outside in February.

If you want a true Alfredo sauce, you can add some eggs to the mix. You just have to reduce some of the other ingredients.

Tons of receipts out there.

Garlic makes just about anything better.

Even garlic.

But don’t put it in your applesauce. That’s just nasty.

Just a question, because there seems to be some expertise here; does one ever add wine to the sauce?

Also, if the recipe is that simple, why do the commercial products vary so widely? I’ve used some that are acceptable (but not great) and others that are pretty bad. I’m guessing here, because I have no lables at hand, that the commercial products use some kind of hydrogenated oils instead of butter, and probably some dried product insted of fresh parmesan.

Whatever, I’m going to make my own next time. Thanks, Athena.

You’re kidding, right?

Every time, and I mean EVERY time, I try to make it, it never, EVER turns out right. Either it’s basically warmed-up cream, or it’s some other substance that’s NOT alfredo sauce by the time I finish cooking it. Either way, it’s extremely runny, and does not stick at all to the pasta, running to the bottom of the pot. When it reheats, it reheats as this unappetizing dairy/butter-like film. Trying to cook alfredo sauce has brought me nothing but aggravation and disappointment.

Easiest thing to make on the face of the planet indeed. snort

Actually, the “true” alfredo sauce is simply butter and parmesan cheese - no cream or eggs or nutmeg (another common addition) at all. Site here.

I go with a 50/50 parmesan and romano mix for my alfredo. Very good stuff.

Did you do it the way I described?

The first thing I can think of that would cause what you describe is that you’re not putting the pasta in the pan with the sauce immediately after you add the first dose of parmesan, and then adding the final bit of parmesan and mixing it with the pasta. If you try to “make a sauce” and then pour it over cooked noodles, it’s very easy to overcook and end up with basically cream with chunks of melted parmesan in it. In fact, I don’t think you can do it that way - putting the pasta in the pan and finishing it off over a bit of heat is integral.

The second thing I can think of is you’re trying to use that paremesan in the green can, which is NOT parmesan. You have to buy real parmesan for this recipe. Green can sawdust will not work.

Oh, and you can’t “reheat” this sauce. You make it as described, with the pasta, and eat it. Reheating the sauce alone without the pasta would be a disaster. Reheating them both together (like the next day if you have leftovers) kinda works, but it’s not nearly as good as it is fresh.

Glad it’s not aimed at me. I buy the $1.99 stuff. :stuck_out_tongue:

So what about the recipies I’ve been trying to work off of, like this one and this one? Obviously SOME people can make it work without the method you described. Why the hell can’t I? It can’t be THAT easy if I can’t.

As for the parmesan, not only am I NOT using the canned stuff, I’m using actual Italian parmesan. And it STILL never works.

When you’re done pitting Jarred Alfredo, you can pit Alfred Jarry.

Read the intoductory sentence carefully:

(bolding mine–ed.)

The invention of pasta Alfredo almost certainly was from the chef in Rome. He existed, I can give you contemporary cites(1928) that indicate he was perhaps the finest Italian chef in the world at that time.

But did that stuff about the preggers wife, etc. happen? It makes a great story.

I read the OP three times but can’t seem to find the amount of parmesan cheese to use.

Mornay sauce tastes every bit as good, survives reheating, and is easier to adjust for desired consistency.

Mornay sauce is basically just white sauce with parmesan cheese and pepper added. White sauce is basically just roux with milk or cream added. Roux is just butter and flour.

These are the ingredients from marcella Hazan’s The Classic Italian Cookbook:[ul][li]1 cup heavy cream[/li][li]3 tablespoons butter [a half-stick of butter, as the OP specifies, equals 4 tablespoons, so these two recipes are roughly equivalent][/li][li]2/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese[/li][li]1/2 teaspoon salt[/li][li]Freshly ground pepper, 4 to 6 twists of the mill[/li][li]A very tiny grating of nutmeg[/ul][/li]I’ll have to add here that you may need to experiment with the quantity of cheese yourself, as the volume/mass ratio will vary depending on the type of grater you use – a Microplane-style grater yields fluffier results than a traditional box grater with the punched-out spikes. Oh, I’ve also never used any nutmeg myself. Still good.

Who the hell pays $4 a jar? I got them for $1.50 and a “buy one, get one free” sale at the same time (forgetting I already hit the sale earlier in the week). Open up a jar, dollop out a couple of tablespoons, add some peas, and I have just enough for me, and some leftover for lunch the next day. I tried asparagus, but it didn’t work as well as the peas.

Besides, you’ve never had my homemade cooking. Not. Tasty. At. All. :eek:

(First time I’ve ever seen a Pit Thread turn into “The Joy of Cooking”.)

As much as I enjoy a good roux (mmm Welsh rarebit) I despise it with pasta. And I get really cranky when restaurants promise alfredo and deliver pasta with a really bad white sauce. Gah.

White sauce, all on its lonesome, unmodified, tastes very much like glue, I will admit.