Even though the divorce is long done?
The divorce attorney will be used to dealing with issues of dividing up property and making sure that the ex-spouses won’t have any future entanglements.
I’m sure a real estate attorney could help you get off the mortgage, but this sort of thing is what divorce attorneys do all day every day.
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Call the mortgage company and see what THEY say about taking you off of the note. See what documentation they require, etc.
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Depending on how they answer, you will know if you need to get a signature from your ex, or if she just needs to re-fi, or whatever. If she still gives you the old, “move on” BULLSHIT get an attorney. You are right now in a position to get FUCKED. She could walk away from the note, and leave you high and dry.
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Get a meeting with a divorce attorney. Who filed your divorce paperwork? How were the assets divided? Is their equity in the house that you “gave” her? You should own 50% of the appreciation in value of the house from the time you were married, regardless of the name on the title. That is your leverage in getting the paperwork done to get your name off of the note. If, instead, you were stupid enough to sign legal documents removing your claim to assets WHILE STILL BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEBT, then you need to pay someone to save your ass.
Again - if she fucks up on the note - it is YOUR CREDIT RATING that will get screwed too. As in, you don’t get to buy a house / car / credit car in the future without sounding like that douche on the freecreditreport.com commercials.
Make a note to yourself that the FIRST THING YOU DO ON MONDAY MORNING IS GET YOUR NAME OFF THE NOTE.
This screaming is brought to you by Algher, who has watched more than one friend get screwed by exes with joint credit cards, etc.
In the midst of your screaming fit, you failed to read post #6.
So there was no settlement? Are you actually divorced?
My ranting is still relevant - it sounds like your separation was done half-assed, and you need to hire a professional to protect yourself. I have no great love for the litigious nature of our society, but that does not mean that I am blind to it. When you are dealing things of a legal nature, you hire a legal expert.
It was a no-contest divorce. You cite irreconcillable differences and off you go. A lawyer is not needed. You just fill out a couple of forms and file them in court. Only the spouse who initiated the divorce has to go to court.
The house was willed to her by her grandmother and she’s not going to lose it. Like I said, I was not thinking clearly at the time.
Again - get thee to an attorney. IANLAL…but…
If you made payments on that note and lived in that house, then you own a chunk (albeit small) of that house. How much you own is based on how much you put into the note, and how much it gained (or now lost) in value. That is the leverage you have against the note that you are still legally responsible for.
Bruno the Collection Agent does not care about your divorce if your name is still on the note and your ex stops paying (or falls behind). Marty the mortgage guy does not care if your ex is current when he looks up your credit score and finds out that your are liable for a mortgage already when you come in to buy a new house for yourself.
Get it fixed, or there could be a future pit thread about how you can’t buy a house because you would have too much debt against your income, even though you really have nothing to do with some old mortgage of your ex wife…
Yep, I’d say it’s pretty much a certainty. The math is simple:
suspicion of pre-divorce cheating + abrupt break-up + “I’m not discussing this with you” = “I was banging the bejeezus out of the dude I’m now marrying”.
But it really doesn’t matter. Say she had waited until the day after dumping you until she got together with her now-fiance. How would that make things any better? She’s with him now, you’re rid of her, and you need to try to look forward and not dwell on the past. (Except when you talk to a lawyer to straighten out that whole name-on-the-mortgage thing.)
I have a couple of days off next, so I’ll go lawyer shopping.
She does not have to admit shit to you. why should she. She is gone . You can do nothing to fix it . You have to move on.
Yeah, I think we’ve covered that.
Good. Algher has provided you with some wise advice, my friend.
Something I read once that really stuck with me - “There is no absolute certainty.” Not in anything, really. You will probably never know for sure what she did or didn’t do, but that doesn’t have to affect the rest of your life.
Good luck with the lawyer.
Eric, I understand your pain. You do have a right to be told the truth. You were in a marriage and she broke the vows, and you deserved to at least be told the truth so you could move on with closure, and a clean slate, and the truth, instead of just being left hanging, and in the dark, wondering what went wrong.
All the people saying saying “move on” are being insensitive… It’s not like you’re pining away for her… you’ve been wronged but she is such a coward that she won’t give you the piece of knowledge so you can validate your hurt, and move on.
It’s bad enough to cheat, but not to come clean after the relationship has ended adds insult to injury, because the other person never really knows what happened, and they always will wonder, or wonder if they are somehow to blame. They have a right to know the truth.
Her biggest problem was that she hated confrontations. She would do anything to avoid them. She also suffered from a serious case of martyr syndrome. She always complained about having to do things herself (especially when it came to her children) and that no one would help her. I would have done anything for her and she knew it, but she refused to accept the help.
It got old after awhile.
Like I said, I’m not looking for money out of this mortgage thing (but if a few bucks can come my way…). I just want to be free of her.
Christians don’t claim to be perfect nor do most of them claim that atheists are without morals. That is a misunderstanding.
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In some states it is against the law to record other people’s phone calls – even on hour own phone. You might have gotten into big trouble. Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t.
Didn’t the forms you filled out at the time of your divorce specify who is responsible for each debt? I wouldn’t think that the mortage company would want to take anyone’s name off. Why would they?
We are not being insensitive. He doesn’t have to “validate” his hurt. He is hurting. And of course it is only fair that she tell him the truth. But what if she chooses never to tell him? Should he focus all of his attention on finding out for the next ten years? No. We are suggesting that he will heal more quickly if he doesn’t dwell on this unanswered question and get hungup on it. The more important issue to deal with is that she is gone. What does that mean for him?
Divorces can be hell for everyone. It was two years before I got over mine and I was the person who asked for the divorce. But people do survive them and go on to live happy and fulfilling lives.
Eric, I would agree that all the signs are there that she was unfaithful. That is not a reflection on you, but on her. You can be the most adorable husband in the world and still have this happen to you. Don’t let this undermine your self-confidence. I married my soulmate after my divorce and we’ve been married 22 years. The hurt does fade with time. Enjoy your independence while you have it. And don’t be afraid of loving again.
The majority of church-going, so-called Christians I have encountered all claim their superiority to atheists and most of them have their dirty little secrets. I had an uncle who was a fire & brimstone spouting preacher who’d get drunk and beat his wife on a Saturday night and preach the love of God on Sunday. Hell, the preacher who married us had an affair and had to leave the church (and town!).
If I’m horribly wrong and there is a heaven and hell, at least I’ll be surrounded by familiar company.
As for the recording of phone calls, the device I was looking to buy only recorded incoming & outgoing telephone numbers, time of call, and length of call, but not the actual conversation. As long as I had the number, I’d be able to figure out the rest.
Yes, I would like closure, but, after a good night’s sleep, I figure it ain’t gonna come from her.
Whether or not you know she was cheating, you certainly know you couldn’t trust her. That should be all you need to know, really.
So what if she was actually cheating? Even if you were still married, you’d think she was.
Well, if I had been able to prove it, it would’ve helped when we went to court.
Well, yes, but it seems like you got what you wanted out of it anyway.