First the players:
Ex - my ex-wife
M - her daughter
JT - an old friend of mine
FT - his wife and old friend of Ex who hooked me up with Ex
Me and the Ex were married for almost 12 years. In the early part of 2007, I would notice that the Ex was quick to turn off her cell phone when I entered the room. I mentioned this to her and she dismissed it as paranoia. My paranoid instincts had paid off in the past and I couldn’t let it go. Something told me there were problems amiss. I asked the Ex if there was something wrong and she says no. On June 12, I had to take her to get surgery done on her shoulder. On June 14, when I came home from work, she says, “We need to talk.”
In the history of all time and matter, this is never a good thing.
She tells me she “can’t go on living like this”. She explains that we have been growing apart of late (which was true). but specifically the past year, and she wants a divorce. I am stunned. She refuses to discuss the matter any further and didn’t want to get counseling. Too dumbfounded to repsond, I agree. Over the course of the next few weeks, I pack up my shit and leave. Fast forward to yesterday. I was looking at JT’s MySpace page. Since he lives in another state, we don’t communicate much. In order to get his email address, I have to join MySpace. I send him an email and he calls me immediately expressing his own shock at my situation.
FT is back in my hometown taking care of her ailing parents. In February of this year, she runs into M at the mall and M tells FT what happened. She, too, is shocked. M then goes on to say that Ex is getting married in June or July!
This is news to me, but I don’t expect the Ex to keep me up-to-date about her current life. While talking to JT, I text the Ex (which is the only she’ll talk to me):
Me: I hear congrats are in order
Me: I hear you’re getting married
Ex: Yes. How did you find out?
Me: I have my ways. Do I know him?
Me: Were you seeing him before we split? You can be honest now. (She had lied to my face for the last 3 months of our marriage)
Ex: I’m not dicussing this with you. Move on. I have.
Call me crazy, but I’d call this a yes. I’d asked during the time I was moving if there was another man. She, of course, said no.
Back in 2007, I suspected she might be screwing around, but I just didn’t want to believe it. I even contemplated putting a GPS tracker in her car. I scoured her cell phone records (she’s not computer-savvy, so I handled all the bill paying online). I found one number that she’d been calling a lot (anywhere from 15 minutes to 2.5 hours at a time and at odd hours - usually in the AM of late at night when I was asleep). I tried calling the number but never got anywhere. I was also considering a telephone recording device for the times she used the home phone.
I wish I had done it now.
The house we lived in was in her name, but the mortgage was in both names (another mistake I’d made). Had I known she was screwing around, I could have fought the divorce.