Something has happened in my family and I don’t know why. If I had to pinpoint a catalyst, I suppose it started with his gastric bypass surgery a couple of years ago. About a year after losing weight, he was pretty much forced to quit his job of 20 plus years. Since that time he has decided to stop paying all his bills, divorce my mother after 30 some years of marriage, and leave us all in jeopardy of homelessness due to pending bankruptcy and foreclosure. I should also note that by us, I mean myself, my parents and my grandparents who are in their late 70s. I am an only child and am therefore usually placed between my two parents. Things are not going well here. I am constantly sick due to stress and I am at my wits end as to where to turn. I would like to be able to at least support myself and my grandparents, however, my business is in the start-up phase, and I can barely make my own ends meet.
So, to whatever demon has convinced my father to turn into this illogical stranger, I say, damn you. Damn you to hell.
Did he undergo counselling after the operation? If not, will he?
No. He went through the psych evaluation before the surgery. But I doubt he’d even consider it now. This is ‘high times’ for him. He’s never felt more free.
I have an evil, cynical, dirty mind, so what pops into it as the immediately obvious (to me) name for the Demon is Woman. IOW, a girlfriend. Is there?
It would explain a lot.
I don’t think damning a demon to hell is a very good punishment. How 'bout, bless him to heaven?
Duck Duck Goose That’s a good question. Supposedly the answer is NO. But it’s really hard to tell. We pretty much have no idea where he is or what he’s doing most of the time lately.
Argent Towers That’s an excellent suggestion. Bless him! And related to Duck’s question, he has the ‘friends’ that he hangs out with now that he met at some church that he decided to go to on the spur of the moment one day. I think that one of them is his girlfriend, but he won’t admit it. Bless them all!
First of all, I’d like to say I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is very hard as a child/young adult to have to deal with a parent suddenly deciding they don’t want to be a parent/spouse/responsible human being. No matter what the reasons for that decision.
Second of all, you may very seriously be right in that his gastric bypass was the catalyst for his current behaviour. I also had RNY (two years ago on the 18th), and like to think I have a bit of insight. Depression is very common post-weight loss. It’s a hormonal thing. What is going on with your father sounds a lot to me like the depression that many of my (WLS patient) friends have gone through. He lost the weight, and is suddenly a different person, but probably still sees himself as the old, fat person. He lost his job. Wow. That’s a lot to deal with. Suddenly not paying bills when he had always been responsible before? Sounds like depression to me.
For people who have always been heavy, losing weight is a huge upheaval. They become someone they have never known. Could he be having (or wanting to have) an affair? Possibly. Many heavy people “settle” or feel that they have “settled” with someone who doesn’t necessarily make them happy.
I don’t really have any advice other than trying to get him into counseling. He needs to face this shit on his own, but he needs support of his loved ones, too. I really hope that he comes to his senses soon – not just for his sake, but all of your family’s too! It is really hard to see someone self-destruct. You might want to encourage him to start going to support groups for weight loss surgery patients (if he’s not already in one) – he could talk to other people who have been where he is now, and may have insight for him.
Good luck!