I pit my fiances white trash dads girlfriend

[catsix]

RTFirefly said:
Well, either her benefits are about to run out, or it’s something other than “welfare” that’s been providing those benefits.

Something’s paying her 2800$/month tax free to sit on her ass and not have a job. It was paying for a four bedroom house for her, but she decided that paying rent out of the handouts was beneath her, so she got evicted. The point is that this one is, whether it’s welfare or some other government hand out, a professional benefit receiver and has been since she was 17 years old. Her kids know no other life. People who game the system are good at it, and they continue to do it as a lifetime occupation.

Catsix, somebody is misrepresenting something to you about the lady you are talking about–CHIP programs cover very low income children on a sliding scale, but children in families with no income qualify for medicaid.

The lady I’m referring to is my best friend’s sister. She’s getting welfare, WIC, and health insurance for her kids, as well as free birth control shots (finally) for herself. The reason that I know the income is 2800$/month is that it was discussed, with me present, when she and her on-again, off-again boyfriend hit up my friend’s mother for a loan to buy a truck despite the fact that neither the sister nor the sometimes boyfriend have a driver’s license.

There was a rather large arugment over the amount of money spent on Christmas presents, at which point the sister whipped out some bank statements with the monthly deposits on them. Most of the money is spent on junk food and cigarettes, except of course the WIC money which has to be spent on the approved list of foods and juices.

Income of 2800$/month means that she’s got an annual income of 33,600$, on which she pays no withholding tax. That’s also the before child support shows up, because each kid has a different father and none of the fathers are the current sometimes boyfriend.

eleanorigby said:
The sad fact of life is that at times, welfare DOES pay more than wages–to me, that’s a reflection on poor paying jobs, not the person who tallies up how her kids can get the most benefit (ie money) and does it.

Exactly what kind of unskilled job that a high-school dropout with no GED or transportation or work history could perform in an economically depressed former steel mill town is there that should have a net income of 33,600$/year?

But I read more judgement and stereotyping in your post than I do comprehension of the vicious cycle of poverty.

This person that I’m talking about has two parents who have both got high school diplomas, are still married to each other, are both employed, own their own home, raised a son who is college educated and gainfully employed, and definitely qualify as middle class.

She’s got no ‘cycle of poverty’ excuse for being a professional benefit receiver, but that’s what she is.

[corkboard]

@teela_brown

Okay, I’ll say it:

Can’t fiance’s father do better than a dirty 300-pound chain smoker on welfare?

Thank you.

[tumbleddown]

@featherlou

That’s a really nice sentiment; at what point do you acknowledge that you’ve done all you can for someone and if they really want to get somewhere they’re going to have to do some of the heavy lifting for themselves? (Serious question, not snark.)

Serious, not snarky answer: When we’re talking about someone who is functionally a family member, I think that point would be after you actually have done everything you can. And I see here that the OP has given the kids some clothes, and has been to the trailer (presumably) to see the condition of it but I don’t see that the OP has offered help in actually fixing the condition of it.

I say that only because my guess is that if she had actually done anything in the trailer, or had taken the woman to the laundromat to attack the mountain of dirty clothes or something, she would’ve mentioned that her work went in vain because the situation went right back to bad afterward.

I know it’s not easy. I’ve seen it myself with my best friend. A mobility-impairing injury which turned into injury + depression which then became Capital-D Depression coupled with things that needed unaffordable repairs in my best friend’s home (also a trailer) had her living in squalor. Not bug infested squalor, only by the grace of G-d. And I mean open the door and say “Holy lord almighty, did someone soil themselves, vomit copiously then die in here six months ago and no one noticed?” levels of funk from the dirty dishes, dirty clothes, lack of dusting/vacuuming, etc.

It wasn’t until a couple of us went around and physically helped her clean up, took her to the laundromat, and prodded her into seeing her doctor about the depression and getting into physical therapy for the injury that things began to turn around for her. And we had to ride her about it for a while, phone calls and visits to check up unexpectedly, that kind of thing. But she turned around. And she didn’t have kids (at the time) to make the situation all the more serious, but she was still worth the effort. And like eleanorigby said, it wasn’t “Oh you poor dear, you’re depressed, let us do this for you.” it was “Okay we know you’re depressed, but get up off your butt, and we’ll help you out with this huge task that has to be dealt with immediately, but you’ve got to do the rest for yourself, with our support.” And that’s what she did.

@catsix

Something’s paying her 2800$/month tax free to sit on her ass and not have a job.

Something but not likely “welfare” as in TANF. All benefit programs are not entitlement programs and only in a lazy shorthand could they all be called “welfare” within the common understanding of what welfare is in America. Maybe she’s receiving some combination of SSI, maybe SSD, maybe some form of private disability, maybe some form of child support, plus Section 8 for housing all rolled together. Barring very special circumstances, (domestic violence, physical or mental disability, participation in education/job training or foster parenting) it is not possible to collect TANF for as long as you claim this woman has been on benefits. And it’s important to know and note that the WIC program of nutrition assistance and the S-CHIP health insurance program serve as many (if not more) working families as not. They are means tested (on a sliding scale for S-CHIP) but one need not be broke, by a long shot, to qualify.

That said, I find it somewhat hinky that you know the details of dollar figures and spending patterns so well, without knowing the actual source of the income you so strongly rail against.

[gonzomax]

If she is getting ADC ,it now has a time limit.
An entry job would not pay for the cost of baby sitting.

[Cat_Whisperer]

tumbleddown, there’s a difference between a friend who has fallen on hard times and someone who is spendng their life working the system, but I agree that some effort would go a long way to figuring out which one this woman is. The next question, I guess, is how much obligation the OP has to his fiancée’s father’s girlfriend.

[eleanorigby]

@catsix

Exactly what kind of unskilled job that a high-school dropout with no GED or transportation or work history could perform in an economically depressed former steel mill town is there that should have a net income of 33,600$/year?

This person that I’m talking about has two parents who have both got high school diplomas, are still married to each other, are both employed, own their own home, raised a son who is college educated and gainfully employed, and definitely qualify as middle class.

She’s got no ‘cycle of poverty’ excuse for being a professional benefit receiver, but that’s what she is.

My post had nothing to do with yours, nor was it in response to the info you posted. I was responding to the OP. Sitting in judgement doesn’t do much for either situation. I see deplorable parenting, bad decisions and poor choices made every day. So do you. I’ve made my share of them. So have you. We can all sit here and tsk tsk about this or the OP can actually try to help those kids–which has a chance of success (ie, changing the situation)?

[tumbleddown]

@featherlou

tumbleddown, there’s a difference between a friend who has fallen on hard times and someone who is spendng their life working the system, but I agree that some effort would go a long way to figuring out which one this woman is.

I’m not sure how much “working the system” has to do with the conditions of the family home. She could be defrauding the system up down left and right and still be depressed, overwhelmed and in need of physical (and emotional) assistance to get her house back to habitable conditions.

The next question, I guess, is how much obligation the OP has to his fiancée’s father’s girlfriend.

I think it’s her fiance (switched genders) but probably not much. But the kids are another matter. I think that there is a bit of an obligation to do what’s needed to help children when you can, and when they can’t help themselves.