I pit my maladriotness

I’m ok with one hand on the ol’ johnson and the other on the klennex, but if I want a ciggie at the same time I find the rough shag gets lodged between my toes and the rizzlars instruction leaflet suggests nothing for the paper cuts.

Advice?

Yeah.

Don’t post while drunk.

Careful, your cockney is showing.

Shouldn’t that read “a fag”?

Why take the time typing all those silly syllables when you could have just written gauche?

Well, you could quit smoking. :wink:

Roll yourself a couple of cigarettes before you start? I know it’s not really a comparable situation, but that’s what I have to do before making a phone call, because, otherwise, I drop the phone which I’m trying to wedge beteen my shoulder and my ear, or my tobacco and papers slide off my knees and all over the floor. There are some situations when rolling your own cigarettes is just not practical.

This is always your left or right ear.

Not much better. You know what ends up hanging from your ears after you’ve cleaned the pipes.

I have read this 4 or 5 times as well as all of the replies. I have no fucking idea what in the holy hell you are saying.

I think that you may be trying to roll a smoke based on one of the replies here, but I am still not very fucking sure about that.

Excuse me, I speak jive.

ol’ johnson = penis
klennex = kleenex
ciggie = cigarette
rough shag = bits of tobacco
rizzlars = a type of rolling paper

Make sense now?

So basically he wants to roll a smoke with his toes while spankin’ his pud?

No, he’s saying that if he decides he wants a cigarette at that particular moment, he must either drop the Kleenex (which could result in a messy situation) or his penis (that just ain’t gonna happen).

Either way, he must be quite lousy at masturbation to decide he wants a cigarette whilst in mid-stroke.

He’s English.

Yeah, don’t most people wait till afterwards? Still, you’d have to role 'em in advance - I’m not inclined to move right after that.