I pit my mother for making a scene about being a lousy tipper

The BBQ Pit
1

The other day my mom calls me up and tells me that my uncle, aunt, and cousin from Utah just moved into the area and are staying at her place a few days and that I should come over so we can all go out to dinner together. I think this to be a grand idea, so I head on over after work.

We go out to one of the Japanese steak houses where they make a show of cooking all the food right in front of you. I order the strip steak and sesame chicken, and we’re all having a merry old time getting caught up.

Our cook, as I later learned, was half-Thai, but I guess he looked white to my mom as he approached, since she leaned over and said (loud enough for him to hear, anyway), “What’s this, he’s not Japanese? That sucks!” As far as I know, my mom isn’t racist, I just hoped that the guy didn’t hear her. If he did, he didn’t show it and was just as professional as you could expect.

So he starts cooking and he’s great, making the smilie face of fire, the onion volcano, “accidentally” letting the fake egg fall on my aunt’s plate. Good stuff. As he’s leaving, my mom hands him some money as a tip.

When the bill comes, she and my uncle start talking about how to split the check, and he asks her how much tip she’s going to put in. 'I already tipped the guy. I’m not going to tip the soda girls, what do they do?" So no tip is left on the $130 bill.

When the girl picks up the check, she takes it to the manager who brings it over and says, “I think you forgot to leave the tip.” My mom goes into this thing about how tipping is optional and it’s up to the patrons how much they want to leave and besides she already gave the guy some money. The manager goes over to check with the guy, comes back and says that $10 (the amount she gave him) isn’t even close to 15%.

That set her off. “Is there some kind of law about having to tip 15%? I thought it was based on what kind of job the customer thought he did. This is ridiculous. I come up here all the time, and I usually bring guests from out of town, like I did today. I can promise you that I’m never coming here ever again. This is outrageous!”

Side note: I was running a bit lean on money this week, otherwise I would’ve pulled out a $20 and thrown it down myself, since I know how insulting it is to get $10 on a $130 check.

So, thank you Mom, for making an ass out of yourself in front of a couple dozen people. You were loud, rude, obnoxious, and cheap. Not a good combination. I can’t wait for you to take the high road with me again on something money related. I’ll be throwing this right back in your face.

2

There’s something about mothers–especially older mothers–and restaurants. My mother is normally a very pleasant person, but an ugly side often comes out of her when we go out to eat.

So I sympathize.

3

NO! Your mom was completely in the right, even though she was cheap on the tip which I can’t stand. I feel your pain there. That fucking manager and “girl” though were completely in the wrong, that was complete BS to call a customer on a low tip. It’s not like she stiffed them. I would have gone off on them too. Aholes. And you, not backing your mom up sounds kinda aholey too, no offense. And since you apparently ate for free, you’ve got no standing to complain about the amount of her tip, how much did you leave? :mad:

4

As horrible it is that she didn’t tip well, why the hell is the manager asking the customer about not leaving a tip?

5

I’m am usually a 20%+ tipper. I value good service and recognize it with very good tips. However, bad service is recognized with a lesser tip.

We recently had an incident that left our party of 10 divided. The waitress was inattentive, our food was wrong, late, cold, and served to the wrong people. I believe they were understaffed for the number of people in the restaurant as well as the number of people in our party. Service was slow and our waitress was less than pleasant.

The menu had the small print “15% for parties of 6 or more” directive. We had separate checks (which was nice of her to do…most places won’t do it). When it came time to pay up, I paid the bill for my husband and I. I gave her 12%. I didn’t discuss what any of the other couples tipped. This was a reflection on the service we all received, but was relevant only to our portion of the bill.

The waitress called me on it. She knelt down next to me and said, “see? blah, blah, 15% minimum, your total was blah, blah” and I looked her in the eye and said, “no, I believe it’s right. We’re square.” She muttered something under her breath and that was that.

Some people in our group said I was wrong to not follow the 15% directive. I say tips should never be mandatory and a patron should have the right to determine what that service was worth.

6

Getting called on tipping less than 15% is retarded, I don’t give a fuck how great people thing they are for tipping large amounts to johnny and suzy waitress, If someone doesn’t want to tip they shouldn’t have to. The fact that Managers and Waitresses are even approaching that customer blows my mind.
Granted your mom could of handled it better, but id be pretty irate as well.

7

Mothers?!! My father is the one who won’t leave a decent tip. Basically I attribute it to anybody who has never had a job serving the public. It ought to be required.

8

Good restaraunt managers SHOULD be asking why there was no tip. If there was a problem with the service that upset customers to the point of refusing to tip it is their job to find out why and correct it. If the OP’s wording of the managers questioning was a direct quote then I would say it was poorly worded, but asking if there was a problem is not rude, its opening an opportunity to discuss the problem and possibly resolve it. In my amusement park management days I comped probably close to $2K-$3K in stuff/free rides per year to help resolve complaints.

9

People who are not willing to tip something APPROACHING 15% (assuming that the service was satisfactory) would be told that they are unwelcome in my restaurant. I do not currently own one, but used to manage more than one. Tipping for adequate service would damn well be mandatory. Anyone who thinks they have the right to be served without following social norms could eat elsewhere.

10

I agree that tipping is a social practice that cannot be ignored in the U.S. I like the fact that I can rely on the current system to ensure that I get good service most of the time. I mean, if we didn’t tip, I’d have to pay an inflated price for a meal that was poorly prepared or served. It’s not like food can be treated like other items that can be returned if it doesn’t work or isn’t satisfactory. Tipping keeps the restaurant industry on its toes. And if service or preparation is sub-standard, so is my tip.

11

I agree that is usually isn’t a classy idea for the restaurant to ask a table about leaving no tip/little tip However, it sounds like there was every indication of good service in this case and it was a large party. Furthermore, by standard procedures, she left no tip whatsoever although one person did get money. Large party checks can get all screwed up and people tend to get especially cheap when they switch to mini-communism over their check. I think that the staff was right to inquire as long as they couldn’t see ant reason and it could have been a simple mistake.

Although it shouldn’t happen in front of a big group, I think the manager would have been in the right to ask your mother never to return based on such actions. Restaurants, especially busy ones, have the right to refuse customers if they are caustic and make staff and other customers uncomfortable. Most won’t do it but my managers did it a few times when I worked such jobs and it was applauded by everyone. I agree that the vast majority of the time you see this behavior is with older women. Everyone else seems to be reasonable, at least in that way, most of the time. I have never figured it out except maybe it is some late-arrival mothering instincts followed by a healthy dose of don’t-give-a-damn that arrives later in life.

12

You might want to omit this part of the business plan when going for your startup loan.
It’s hard to say how the tipping works at those type of restaurants. I mean the waitress just brings the drinks, right? So I assume any tip she gets would have to get a healthy split going to the cook. I guess they’ll just adjust their calculations for that night.

13

I worked in that type of resturant as a bartender. Any tips I made at the bar were mine, plus I received a portion of the tip pool. Yes - tip pool. All tips were put into a pool, and at the end of the evening were divided by some formula amongst the wait staff (with those in training not getting as much as the experinced help), the table chefs, the bus boys and the bartender.

The wait staff does more than bring drinks - they bring soup, salad, and dessert and remove plates as well as bring drinks and keep beverage and water glasses filled.

The manager may have worded his question awkwardly - was English his first language? If I were the manager and there was no tip left on a $130 tab, I would want to know if the service was bad. I think $10 on a $130 tab is way wrong.

I know there are a lot of people who don’t like the practice of tipping. However, if you dislike it to the point of not tipping at all, my advice is not to return to the same place often. You will be remembered and your service will be minimal. On the other hand, if you tip well, you will be remembered and your service will be great and done with a smile.

I would have to be starving (and my cats starving also) before I would ever waitress again. For some reason, people seem to feel they can be rude to wait staff and leave no tip - then wonder why the wait staff fights over who has to serve them the next time they come in.

When I was dating, if the guy was rude to or stiffed wait staff, that was a big red flag that there was no future in the relationship.

14

If a tip is mandatory it should be published in the menu and added to the bill before it’s presented. Your mom had no obligation to pay even the $10, though I agree that it was discourteous not to.

BTW. why aren’t you pitting your uncle and aunt too? My father was the same kind of jerk as your mom, actually he was worse because he even complained when others at his table left tips (which is a whole nother thread). But we at the able would feel obliged to make up for it out of our own pockets.

15

She mentioned she was financially challenged at the time.

16

Sorry…“He” was financially challenged.

17

The way I see it, if it’s mandatory, it’s no longer a “tip.” Just up the prices and post a “No Tipping” sign and everyone is happy. At the end of the night, take 15% off the top of the drawer and divvy it up amongst the servers. The whole thing is weird.

18

I saw that. How does that get Uncle Joe and Auntie Em off the hook?

19

Well, I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking someone else to put down more of a tip. Maybe if he had the means, he could have got the ball rolling, but how can you say, “Hey, cheapskates, ante up!” if you don’t put any in yourself?

20

Since when does anyone owe anyone a fucking tip? When did it become a guaranteed thing? You are lucky to get a tip. I am not obligated to pay you a tip. It is gift for a service and it is up to the tipper to decide. I know it is the social norm but that doesn’t make it mandatory, because then it is no longer a tip.

Personally, I tip very well, at least 20% but usually more. However the day where a manager comes to me like it was part of the fucking bill that I owe is the day I grow a fist out of my asshole and punch my mother with it. I don’t owe you shit other than what the bill dictates.