I pit my wife for being an inept gift-giver.

[lobotomyboy63]

@Larry_Mudd

Oh, happy day! (I don’t think I would have said “boo,” if I didn’t have the responses in this thread to strengthen my resolve. I would have just left the slightly-too-girlie socks neglected at the bottom of the drawer. Thanks again, folks.)

I’m glad to hear there’s progress!

Thing is, it bugged the hell out of you. Maybe it “shouldn’t” have but it did. You can try living with that for the next thirty years or you can take steps. Suppose you made it another ten years and then blew your stack. Well, that’s not really fair to her either.

Again, reinforce the idea that you love her and that you appreciate the effort. If she’s really bent on buying you clothes, maybe you could train her. Go shopping with her when it’s not to buy something for your birthday or Christmas or anything. When she asks “What about this shirt?” give her feedback. Or, maybe when you need to buy something for a male you could use that as an opportunity to help her calibrate.

I’d also reinforce the idea with her that few people are good at everything. Maybe she’s a great cook and you’re all thumbs in the kitchen, or she has a flair for gardening and you don’t, or she’s got a great singing voice and you can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Her not being good at everything doesn’t make you love her less, nor does it make her inadequate as a human being.

[Kayeby]

@Influential_Panda

Everyone I know always gets something that reflects my interests. I never buy anyone anything I wouldn’t be happy getting myself. I am, however, an excellent gift picker outer.

Sorry about the ambiguous wording. I meant that whoever gets BiL actually thinks about the sort of things he enjoys and what he would like. He gets stuff like expansions/sequels to his favourite video and board games, cool gadgets imported from the US, that sort of thing. So it just adds to my annoyance that BiL is receiving thoughtful gifts but giving out shitty, cheap ones.

My other BiL does the same thing as you - he’ll get my husband and I a DVD or something that he really enjoys and thinks that we will too. Occasionally it’s a miss, but he has a pretty good handle on the sort of stuff that we enjoy. This year he got us The Mighty Boosh which my husband loves and has been endlessly quoting.

[lavenderviolet]

@Zsofia

I got a 6 in everything. Does that make me incredibly needy?

This year I came up with a mystery for my boyfriend for Christmas. I wrote probably twenty pages of diary entries and letters. I procured tintypes, antique masonic emblems, and a silver freaking vesta case, as well as one big gift. I hid clues all around town and constructed an insane melodrama involving the Sepoy Rebellion, an illicit affair, and a buried treasure. He LOVED it.

He hasn’t given me anything yet.

What? Why didn’t he get you anything? If nothing else, I would think he’d be embarrassed that you had so totally outdone him that he would have rushed to get something at a post-Christmas sale.

[wonky]

@BlinkingDuck

I haven’t met a woman yet (though I’m sure there is 1 out there) that wouldn’t like a Coach purse.

I have a Coach purse. It was… a gift. One that I was really unenthusiastic about. (Mostly because it’s insane to spend a lot of money on me for something “fashionable.”)

I carry it, but I’m not a fan.

[Guinastasia]

@Kayeby

Sorry about the ambiguous wording. I meant that whoever gets BiL actually thinks about the sort of things he enjoys and what he would like. He gets stuff like expansions/sequels to his favourite video and board games, cool gadgets imported from the US, that sort of thing. So it just adds to my annoyance that BiL is receiving thoughtful gifts but giving out shitty, cheap ones.

Is he the type to do so hoping you’ll end up giving it back to him?

Fortunately, my folks rock at getting presents. This year, my father got my mother a set of sapphire jewelry-earrings, ring, and necklace. He also gave her her favorite perfume (Oscar de la Renta), which she’s been having a hard time finding, AND a large box of Betsy Ann chocolates. (He also got smaller boxes for Baby Sis and I). Last year, he got her a diamond set, including the anniversary ring she’s been hinting about for a few years.

Mom got him a few new jerseys which he’s been needing to wear around, when he’s not working, and a new cell-phone charger caddy, and we bought him a gift card to J.C. Penneys, since he’s been needing a few new jackets, and he’s REALLY picky about his dress clothes. (NEVER buy my father a tie!)
I got a camera, which I had been wanting, the afore mentioned box of candy, and Baby Sis got me a Steelers jersey,* which I had also been wanting. Last year, I got a Joann’s gift card to put towards my beloved sewing machine.

One year, we got him the casette of Handel’s Messiah, so he could listen to it in the car (this was back in the mid 1990s, before we had a CD player in the car). He loves Handel, especially the Messiah, and he only had it on vinyl, and of course, our old record player wasn’t in very good shape. A few years ago, which got him it on CD.
So, even though I can’t sympathize exactly, I do feel for you guys. Seriously, though, Larry, I highly reccomend making a HUGE Amazon wishlist-mine’s something like 45 pages.

*I REALLY wanted Troy Polamalu, or Hines Ward, but Sis said you cannot find them ANYWHERE right now. I’ll just wait until post-season, and then look.

Sooooo…good luck, people.

[eleanorigby]

@Hello_Again

Did you guys miss that wife is ultra-about-to-burst pregnant, due in 3 weeks? Although the bad gift giving is clearly habitual, I didn’t gather that the high level of emotionality is. Cut the girl some slack.

Been there, done that, 3 times. Yes, there is some truth to the marked emotionality that comes with late pregnancy (I cried at McDonald’s commercials for the love of god), but this sounds to me like more of entrenched habit. Indeed, the OP said as much.

I am happy for Larry Mudd that he managed to talk to his wife about this and that it went well. But nevertheless, I don’t see HOW she is buying such things for him inadvertently–at Sears, Carson’s, Macy’s, Target, Kohl’s and Penney’s, men’s socks are NOT in the same place as women’s socks. They’re just not. Neither are T shirts, even in more boutique stores like Abercrombie or Aeropostale etc. Not even The Gap. I am flummoxed by her supposed just picking up some stuff for you, dear, attitude…

@FreudianSlit

Yeah, I hope I’m not the only one who also sympathizes–with the “inept” gift-givers. What the hell? Someone gets you a nice gift and you scream at them? I’d be so incredibly pissed if someone yelled or even complained about this. It’s like pitting someone for having sex with you but not doing it just right. I just don’t get this mentality at all. And I agree–they sound like nice earrings. Plus, if I didn’t like them, I’d say “Thank you” and be gracious because that’s what you do when someone gets you a present.

Hmmm. Where to start? First, I agree with you re the screaming. Screaming doesn’t help matters. But I have to side with Hilarity overall. A gift can be a burden, not a pleasure–just like having sex, but not doing it right can be. I doubt you’d like sex if your partner consistently moved/touched you in ways that did not turn you on, but insisted on doing so, despite your attempts to get your needs addressed.

My mother throughout my HS years bought me A-line gray wool skirts every Xmas–4 of them. I never wore skirts in HS; it was a point of (silly) pride for me. I still don’t wear many skirts. Not only did I not wear skirts, I had no paraphernalia to go with them–no appropriate shoes, hose, blouses etc. Didn’t matter.

People who do this type of thing may be “tone deaf” when it comes to presents, but more likely they are either trying to send you a message (my mother’s was for me to be more like her) or it’s a passive/aggressive act. My MIL was NOT inept the year she gave me size 5 black Calvin Klein panty hose and my husband a leather jacket: she was being a bitch. I didn’t scream at her; I thanked her civilly and gave the hose to GoodWill. But a MIL is not a spouse–I can put up with her BS because she matters not at all to me. It’s different with a spouse/child/close friend.

[Freudian_Slit]

@eleanorigby

Hmmm. Where to start? First, I agree with you re the screaming. Screaming doesn’t help matters. But I have to side with Hilarity overall. A gift can be a burden, not a pleasure–just like having sex, but not doing it right can be. I doubt you’d like sex if your partner consistently moved/touched you in ways that did not turn you on, but insisted on doing so, despite your attempts to get your needs addressed.

My mother throughout my HS years bought me A-line gray wool skirts every Xmas–4 of them. I never wore skirts in HS; it was a point of (silly) pride for me. I still don’t wear many skirts. Not only did I not wear skirts, I had no paraphernalia to go with them–no appropriate shoes, hose, blouses etc. Didn’t matter.

People who do this type of thing may be “tone deaf” when it comes to presents, but more likely they are either trying to send you a message (my mother’s was for me to be more like her) or it’s a passive/aggressive act. My MIL was NOT inept the year she gave me size 5 black Calvin Klein panty hose and my husband a leather jacket: she was being a bitch. I didn’t scream at her; I thanked her civilly and gave the hose to GoodWill. But a MIL is not a spouse–I can put up with her BS because she matters not at all to me. It’s different with a spouse/child/close friend.

Yeah, I guess. Getting mad because someone gives you garnet earrings and they put them on the tree to be cute, and plus you don’t even like garnets because they don’t go with anything and they’re too small seems…eh, petty. Were it me, I’d wear them a couple of times and if they didn’t grow on me, just put them away and only wear them once in a while. I don’t really see gifts as a “need,” though. If someone got me gifts that I didn’t really like, I might be disappointed, but if I really want something, I’ll get it myself. Gifts are just like…icing on the cake. If they suck, who cares, and if they rock, then groovy.

An ex-boyfriend of mine used to get me lots of gifts–I think for him, gift-giving was just a big part of showing affection. And a lot of his gifts were touching, even though I ended up not reading/watching a lot of them. I guess it really is the thought that counts, for me.

Now, I guess if I got my husband a really great [insert awesome gift] and it took me hours to track it down, etc. and he just gave me something like an old bowling ball called HOMER, I might be peeved. But if he got jewelry and it just so happened that it was jewelry I didn’t like, I’d just suck it up and be gracious.

Kind of reminds me of the Sex and the City when Carrie discovers an engagement ring from her boyfriend and freaks out–mostly because she doesn’t want to get married, but also because, as she explains to her friend, it was a bad ring. Shallow much?

[Zsofia]

@lavenderviolet

What? Why didn’t he get you anything? If nothing else, I would think he’d be embarrassed that you had so totally outdone him that he would have rushed to get something at a post-Christmas sale.

What happened, I think, is that he was already in a big quandary about what to get me (I keep telling him an engagement ring, and he laughs weakly and changes the subject) and when he saw what I did he said “oh crap” and scrapped whatever he was planning and felt REALLY stuck. Perhaps he’s ordered something. At any rate, it’s January 13 and I don’t want to, you know, ask…

Guin, that Polwhatever guy was all over the jerseys at the airport. They were neck deep in them.

ETA - in other words, I think he suddenly felt he had to get a REALLY personal, exquisitely chosen gift, and he blanked. Last year he got me a motor scooter right out of the blue - complete surprise and genius present, so he’s still running on points.

[Guinastasia]

Polamalu. Around here, you can’t find him to save your life. You have no idea how popular he is.

Still, “Fast Willy” rocks-I don’t know HOW many records he’s broken as of now.

[eleanorigby]

@Freudian_Slit

Yeah, I guess. Getting mad because someone gives you garnet earrings and they put them on the tree to be cute, and plus you don’t even like garnets because they don’t go with anything and they’re too small seems…eh, petty. Were it me, I’d wear them a couple of times and if they didn’t grow on me, just put them away and only wear them once in a while. I don’t really see gifts as a “need,” though. If someone got me gifts that I didn’t really like, I might be disappointed, but if I really want something, I’ll get it myself. Gifts are just like…icing on the cake. If they suck, who cares, and if they rock, then groovy.

But none of that is like sex, unless you consider orgasm icing on the cake. I don’t. I understood the garnets to be hidden on the tree somewhere (not a smart move) and she 1. didn’t know they were there and 2. never found one of them (probably eaten by a cat). It was a charming idea, but his execution lacked forethought (hmmm… maybe this is more like sex than I thought. ). For me, if I had managed to find the garnets, I probably would have worn them (and thanked him for them), but I also would have suggested a different approach to surprises in future. I did express disapproval re one present The Husband got me years ago: a wrapped roll of Xmas toilet paper. I am not into potty humor in the slightest. Epic fail, as they say.

Now, I guess if I got my husband a really great [insert awesome gift] and it took me hours to track it down, etc. and he just gave me something like an old bowling ball called HOMER, I might be peeved.

But this is what this whole thread is about. People who over the years just don’t get it (and don’t get you stuff you want or care about), even though you have taken the time and effort to find stuff that will please them. No one gets it right every time, but no one can get it wrong every time w/o trying.

Kind of reminds me of the Sex and the City when Carrie discovers an engagement ring from her boyfriend and freaks out–mostly because she doesn’t want to get married, but also because, as she explains to her friend, it was a bad ring. Shallow much?

I think under the definition of shallow in the OED is a picture of Carrie Bradshaw and her cohorts. Ugh.

[Kayeby]

@Guinastasia

Is he the type to do so hoping you’ll end up giving it back to him?

I don’t think it’s necessarily the thought process of “she’ll hate this DVD and give it back to me! Woohoo!” so much as “I want to watch this DVD. Christmas is coming up. If I get this for mum then I can watch it too.” And he just misses that step where he should ask himself “is this something that mum would enjoy?” Anyone who has known her for more than half an hour would realise that she’s not interested in Japanese cartoons.

[Lamia]

@eleanorigby

I am happy for Larry Mudd that he managed to talk to his wife about this and that it went well. But nevertheless, I don’t see HOW she is buying such things for him inadvertently–at Sears, Carson’s, Macy’s, Target, Kohl’s and Penney’s, men’s socks are NOT in the same place as women’s socks. They’re just not. Neither are T shirts, even in more boutique stores like Abercrombie or Aeropostale etc. Not even The Gap. I am flummoxed by her supposed just picking up some stuff for you, dear, attitude…

I can understand the socks, depending on the store. At my local Penney’s, the women’s socks are in an easy-to-spot location and not surrounded by obviously feminine things. They are over by the pantyhose display, but also kind of between the towels and the seasonal items (currently unisex winter coats and hats). Men’s socks are in a less visible section of the men’s department. Since most women’s socks don’t look that different from men’s socks, I can kind of see how Mrs. Mudd might have mistakenly believed they were all the same.

But the shirts, that’s just wacky. The garments described sound like they weren’t even meant for adult women, but like something found in the juniors section. There’s really no mistaking the junior section at a department store for a unisex area, it’s going to be full of prom gowns and miniskirts and hot pink babydoll tops.

[Hilarity_N.Suze]

@Freudian_Slit

Yeah, I guess. Getting mad because someone gives you garnet earrings and they put them on the tree to be cute, and plus you don’t even like garnets because they don’t go with anything and they’re too small seems…eh, petty. Were it me, I’d wear them a couple of times and if they didn’t grow on me, just put them away and only wear them once in a while. I don’t really see gifts as a “need,” though. If someone got me gifts that I didn’t really like, I might be disappointed, but if I really want something, I’ll get it myself. Gifts are just like…icing on the cake. If they suck, who cares, and if they rock, then groovy.

Eh, you didn’t read it. First was the awful, awful bathrobe. Ugly, didn’t fit, felt bad, had unredeemable static cling, made of polyester (which I don’t wear). Then came the earrings, cleverly hidden in the tree. I should mention here that I have very bad vision. I can wear contact lenses to correct it to the point where I can pass a driving test, but if I’m hanging around at home on Xmas morning I will have on my glasses, which give me about 20/200. This is not a secret I keep from the people I live with. So no, I didn’t see the tiny little red earring on the tree. I was guided to look for it, found one, never found the other one. Nobody found the other one. Ever. (So I couldn’t even return them and get something I did like.)

And I will further explain that, having acquired an ugly, itchy, ill-fitting bathrobe, I considered it might be something of an insult to go out and buy the bathrobe I really wanted all along. Especially when you consider that something I had that I considered perfectly good had been thrown away, in anticipation of said gift. Something entirely different that was ugly, itchy, and ill-fitting might conceivably have been icing on the cake, although frankly, I’m not seeing that either.

[Breccia]

*note to other pitters, I did not read all the above pits~this is just my $0.03~~disregard at will!

At 20 I stenciled above my doorway—> I don’t want what I haven’t got.

Not to be unfeeling toward your pitting but REALLY?!? wtf? …is wrong with you? don’t bother answering, the answer seems apparent. [you’re a rot boy or your wife’s passive-aggressive, or likely both…so get on with it, IT isn’t going to change…]
…

I love giftcards---got 2  $5 ones from my 10 yr old nieces---- I rushed out to cash them in, then sent internet pics of major *reveling* with the presents : 

Present #1 ~~2 (yes, 2!) coconuts, my severa macaw on my shoulder for the picture....the cocos were sorta for him, but we baked them, the pie was excelent. Coconut cream from epicurious.com.    double yum. 
Present #2~~6# of popcorn....we popped, we strung, we wound around every tree outside --pics were of the winter birds covering them.  we kept stringing popcorn, the birds kept coming.  Cardinals with snow falling behind them.  [in the deep south snow happens, Cardinal happen and thanks to my niece popcorn happens.]
............
If you'd like to borrow my stencil I'll send it.

[Kaio]

@Zsofia

I got a 6 in everything. Does that make me incredibly needy?

Or incredibly well-balanced. I got a 10 in physical touch, 9 in quality time, so I think it’s more that you are equally “fluent” in all of them, or don’t need one thing above another.

[Zsofia]

@Guinastasia

Polamalu. Around here, you can’t find him to save your life. You have no idea how popular he is.

Still, “Fast Willy” rocks-I don’t know HOW many records he’s broken as of now.

I meant the Pittsburgh airport - I guess it’s not like the olden days when you could just go there and shop without a boarding pass, though. I love how the Pittsburgh airport has that deal where they can’t charge any more than they do anywhere else in town, though.

[BlinkingDuck]

@Dung_Beetle

I need to pick out my own accessories, and status symbols don’t excite me. You can just send me a nice gift card.

Dung Beetles are not women!

[Aspidistra]

I guess Aspidistras aren’t either

[Frylock]

@BlinkingDuck

I haven’t met a woman yet (though I’m sure there is 1 out there) that wouldn’t like a Coach purse.

FTR my own wife would punch me in the face if I tried to put one of those in her hands.

If your convinced you HAVE to give jewelry (rethink this…but if you insist) don’t go to jewelry stores but to some more exotic jewelry place (like Local Charm in the Mall of America)

Don’t know what “Local Charm” is but I agree that people should think about going to these little local or exotic-y jewelry places instead of the big chains. Much more worthwhile stuff to be found there.

-FrL-

[Guinastasia]

@Zsofia

I meant the Pittsburgh airport - I guess it’s not like the olden days when you could just go there and shop without a boarding pass, though. I love how the Pittsburgh airport has that deal where they can’t charge any more than they do anywhere else in town, though.

Really? Damn. Oh well, I’ll probably be able to get it cheaper post-season. (Well, unless we make it to the Super Bowl-and even then, it’ll be so worth it!)

BTW, what IS the big thing about Coach, lately? I keep seeing them everywhere, and the logo ones are butt-ugly.

I’d rather have a Vera Bradley bag-they’re funky and colorful and a hell of a lot less money. (Plus my glasses are Vera Bradley, so they’d match the case)