I pit our new computer-punch timecard overlords!

We will be subjected to a new computer-punch timekeeping system at work. It looks to be smegmalicous. It has a 50 page manual! That is a sign of TEH BAD! It is another incremental step in turning darned fine Therapists into crappy Accountants. (Nothing crappy about Accountants, my Mom is one. I did not get that gene. I have the gene that makes me count on my fingers and shout “FUCK ME SIDEWAYS ON A TRACTOR!” when doing simple math) 50 page manual!
There are only 3 people in the building, unless we have an all staff meeting, then there 5. If we divide the day into one 30 min meal break and 2 separate 15 min breaks, no one can leave for lunch!
Bad Bad Bad! What do we do when the computers go down as they do every single Monday? Why do I have to pre-program work hours and why does the system assume no one will be sick or call off without prescheduling me 2 free hours to use an error correction spreadsheet that looks like a peyote-stitch needle weaving pattern written by Adrian Monk on a meth bender? GAK! Fuck you up the Poopshoot with a chainsaw and side order of fries!

It’s probably networked, so it’s probably PoE. Go to the network switch, disconnect it for a second, jam a screwdriver in the network port and twist it like a knife in someone who just groped your mother. Then plug it back in.

Then call your company’s IT Department for tech support because “it just doesn’t work”.

-Joe

Why?

Hehe - i am in the process of trying to program our new one here. Its a cheap & shitty little thing. Can it cope with all the shifts and different contracted hours that our 50 employees need.

No.

Its manual is only 5 pages. Standard crap:

‘the schedule button is for entering schedules.’ etc.

Worst thing is the twat who decided he wanted one, doesnt even know what he is going to do with the data. I suspect ignore it.

Should have just built a box with an led on the top !

I fukin hate it. You are not alone bro.

I remember about 9 years ago when we got timecards. Before that, we just wrote in our times, and the overlords were sure they were getting ripped off. So they spent a million dollars on a timeclock system, and promptly started to lose money hand over fist in additional payroll.

See, I, like everyone else, would show up to work between 7:20 and 7:25. But I would write 7:30 on my timesheet. But with the timeclocks, now they are paying me at 7:22 or whatever, and that time adds up. 500 people, a few minutes a day each, that gets real big real fast.

Oh, and also I can now punch in from my cell phone. So I could be sitting on a beach in Hawaii and punch the clock and the overlords would never know. Unless they are monitoring my internet usage and read this. In which case, I have never and would never do that.

My boss at a DoD installation started correlating the badge-swipers at the turnstile entry with the time cards and found – completely contrary to his paranoid expectations – that most of the DoD civilians were working dozens of hours of unpaid overtime each year. Most of it was drips and drops, but sometimes a big cool problem would come up, and the civilians who weren’t specifically assigned to it would stay late and help because it was a fun problem to work on. Since there was no stated need for them to work the problem, they would basically do the extra work for free, and then work a slightly-shorter Friday as “comp” time… but they’d never take nearly as much comp as they had earned.

The DoD civilians found out about this around the same time and filed a grievance (!) because something about the way the colonel did the oversight violated their employment contract (possibly one of the privacy clauses). So just when he was about to have to set up a really expensive and painful system to pay out extra overtime, the DoD civilians basically said “Buzz off - we like the work we do and we’re happy with the pay we’re getting, and nobody wants to spend more of their time doing timecards and less time doing real work.”

The system will be wired into the computers we use for actual work-we will need to come in early just to get the damn things to boot up and wake up so we can punch in. we can’t leave for lunch because is hard to get out of the building, drive to a take out place and be back in 30 min , much less gobble said take-out. and patient care time does not always parcel up well, it is hard to slip in a 15 min break in the middle of busy times

:: sniffle ::

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Suddenly this dipshit, bass-ackward, slow-as-mollassas, chinese-water-torture database I’m constantly forced to work with doesn’t seem so bad.

I stand in awe of your prehensile genitalia.

:: dabs eyes ::

Not 100% sure but probably means a 1/2 hour for lunch really doesn’t give you any time to do any more than find a place to eat and turn around and go back to work.

It means time to call ahead run out and get, and bring back uneaten food. Unless you can eat while driving. It also assumes they make the food quick, and there is no traffic.