It took me an hour and fifteen minutes to get home from work today. Normally, it takes 20 minutes. The exit to I-695 West (the Baltimore Beltway) from I-95 North badly needs to be expanded to two lanes, but it’s pointless griping about that, since it’s taken them years to add lanes to I-695 South towards I-95 (and the lanes are still closed and under construction, I might add).
This message goes out to all the flaming dickwads who think they’re entitled to breeze their way through traffic by not following the same rules as everyone else. The left lane of I-95 North is an “exit only” lane for I-695 West. I sat there for an hour, getting pissed off like everyone else, but waiting patiently for my turn to get onto the Beltway as traffic moves with all the tenacity of enheroinated cattle. Suddenly, this self-important asswipe shoots by me on the shoulder. He’s got the typical Baltimore hoopty-ride: big after-market rear fender, fugly after-market spoiler, and one of those annoying exhaust tailpipes that noisily attempts to compensate for the fact that you’re still driving a 1.8-liter four-banger. I’ve got news for you, G-Dawg: putting your fucking hazards on doesn’t give you the divine fucking right to not follow the fucking rules of the fucking road. It does not give you the right to double-park. It does not give you the right to speed. That’s why they’re called “hazards”… they warn other drivers that your situation presents a hazard. Actually, come to think of it, your entire existence is a hazard to my health. Kindly take a long walk off a short pier. Thank you.
A few minutes later as I’m mercifully pulling up to about 100 yards from the exit ramp, this pitiful excuse for an ass-ratchet in a gas-annhilating V8 Toyota Sequoia thinks he’s going to be smart: he peels down the left middle lane, past everyone else who’s been waiting an hour, and slides his overgrown ass right in front of me. To make matters worse, this semen stain decides to let three people who did the exact same thing in front of him. Does anyone here happen to know how many gallons of sugar a V8 Toyota Sequoia holds?
I was in such a rage this afternoon, but I feel better now. I’m just glad I don’t live in Northern Virginia. You guys are totally getting your asses handed to you by traffic. Thank you for your attention.
I wouldn’t suggest you follow the I-95 down into Florida. Here they don’t even feel the need to have a lane for this. It’s cruising by on the shoulder all the way. It’s at it’s most dangerous when the reach an offramp, since cars diligently waiting for it to come up are going to turn right in front of them.
Near where I live, there’s a highway that’s built such that the onramps and offramps avoid the lights on the service road. When the traffic is heavy, some dickwads decide to use that to their advantage. The go up the entrance ramp, stay in the “exit” lane, immediately exit down the offramp, drive down the service road, and get on the next entrance ramp, repeat.
Hey, fucknuts, you DO realize that it’s people getting ON the highway that slows it down, right? And each time you do your little routine, you fuck up the traffic that much more?
I’d yank their toenails if I had pliers. I absolutely despise people who cheat the system, thereby benefiting while they screw up the sytem even more. Fuckheads.
Hey, I didn’t know you lived in Baltimore! Hi, neighbor. Or should I say, Hi, Hon.
And I agree with your Pit - I couldn’t agree more. I know just the area and behavior you describe. It should be legal to shot people who do that.
Did he have those plastic testicles hanging off the rear bumper? Or six yellow ribbon magnets? Yep, I’ve seen that guy.
Then there’s the vigilantes who ride on the shoulder during a traffic jam, keeping exactly in pace with the traffic on the road. Normally I’m all for that, but when there’s a traffic jam some people will, you know, try to take an alternate route? These self-important asswipes won’t let me pull into the shoulder and drive the whopping, line-cutting, cheating .25 mile on the shoulder to the offramp :rolleyes:
Know where you’re coming from. Lately I’m seeing tons of drivers cut across parking lots to avoid waiting for a light. Dipwads.
So once I was with the family heading to Six Flags in Dallas. There was one specific off ramp which led to the road on which the park entrance was located. So traffic was backed up that morning with cars full of folks anxious to get to the park. Traffic was stacking on the right hand lane going back about a half mile.
Sure enough cars started taking the shoulder to try and bypass those exiting. Eventually those cars were backed up as well. Some cars were getting let in further up towards the exit. After about a twenty minute wait this guy next to me in a Mercedes on the shoulder motioned to be let in. I shook my head and continued to wait patiently. After a few more minutes he started to basically beg to be let in. I threw him the “cash” gesture rubbing my thumb and fingers together. He jumped out of his car, ran over and slipped me a twenty.
I let him in but after another couple of minutes dumbshit got tired of waiting and hit the highway.
My wife makes that same commute everyday. I have made that trip a few times myself. We feel your pain.
I swear to Og that one day when I see some smug I’m-better-than-you asshat cruising up the shoulder I’m going to open my door suddenly and let the bastard ass explain to the cops why he was cruising on the shoulder and why my door got ripped off the hinges, and let his insurance pay for a new door.
Why did I open my door you ask? Well, I dropped my favorite pen between the door and the seat and I opened the door so I could reach it. I didn’t think any one would be driving up the shoulder, Officer.
That is why when I’m in a situation like that I get close enough to the car in front of me to make tricks like this impossible. If they pull next to me, I just smile at them, and get closer. If these scumbags found they couldn’t get in, maybe they’d stop.
In legitimate merge situations, I always let the merger in (well one). If everyone is polite, everything moves faster.
Chicago at rush hour is no big deal - you’re either parked or creeping ahead at 5 mph…
Boston was nuts - though I think part of the problem there is you get maybe one sign a quarter-mile ahead of your exit as warning. It’s like you’d better know where you’re going, or don’t go there at all.
They do. They don’t care. They are the people who cheated on tests in college; they are the people who make up fake charitable gift receipts. They are the people who get ahead in life by not following the rules that hold society together. They (and their needs) are more important than you. They need to be drug out of their cars by angry mobs and beaten to death with pry bars.
As a phormer Philly resident, there are times I wonder why nobody went to jail. Exiting the PA turnpike at 343, you have two choices-611 north or south. One lane for each is provided. Owing to typically heavy traffic, we excuse the dipwads who want to run the northbound shoulder all the way up, because they’re going to turn right at Mill Road. Hey-they’re your tires. The other afternoon, we had a total confab of assholes. I exit the EZPass lane and tag onto the tail of the car in front, and we’ve got people coming from every lane imagineable expecting us to make space for them. Sorry. I don’t drive an econobox-I drive a worktruck, and yes, I will block you when you try to cheat. Hit me, and I’ll win. Remember what your Mommy taught you. Wait your turn.
They also park where they’re not allowed to, make illegal turns wherever they please, go through the express line with more items than allowed, take up as many spaces as they please when parking, double park on the street and block traffic, park in the driving lane if they please, empty their ashtrays on the ground, throw their garbage out their windows, take off without leaving their info after hitting someone’s car, and just generally make life a little bit more unpleasant for all the rest of us with their big, fat, sense of entitlement.
I’m working on letting go of my irritation at these people. I have a way to go yet.
HA! My parents make fun of me because whenever traffic is bad, I like to say “It’s not Virginia…” I swear, that was the scariest ride ever. 75+ mph, bumper to bumper. I just wanted my dad to get away from the helmetless rogue motorcycle rider.
Here we have the I-74 bridge! Across the Mississippi, between IL and IA. They lower the speed to 50 across it, but it is the most accident prone pile of pylons I’ve seen. No shoulder except exactly midway, and people drive insanely. It can get pretty crazy, especially if your tire blows out somewhere along the way…
Many people wrote into the local paper, when there was construction, about how people would blow thru the known exit or closed lanes, and try to be let in ahead. Some people were VEHEMENT that they not let those people in. Let em wait like the rest of us, they said! I love those stubborn people.
