I pit people who hate metal

Err… This isn’t quite what you said earlier.

“It’s not music”. Bold claims. I could easily dismantle this assertion by pointing to Power/Progressive Metal (Nightwish, Rhapsody, Blind Guardian, and Dream Theater are masterful songwriters, composers, and virtuosos), but I figure you don’t mean bands that are “musical” but still somehow classified in the same overcategory as extreme metal…

No, you mean these guys.
First of all, lemme get this straight. This isn’t directed only at Naxos, nor is it directed at people who simply don’t like metal as a genre-disliking metal is a perfectly legitimate stance, like disliking anime or disliking pop music (i.e. you’re kind of being stupid because saying “I don’t like metal/pop/anime” entails the dislike of so many different things that the claim is kind of hard to make; you may hate modern pop like Justin Bieber, but I bet I’d find a soft spot for some of Michael Jackson’s repertoire). No, this is directed at people who do not think metal is music. Why rant at them? Because they are wrong and stupid.

This is a little essay I picked up from a friend of mine. I’m going to add to it the case study of the song above, “Slaves shall serve”, which is one of the more brutal songs I personally enjoy.

To go back to Slaves Shall Serve, I hope I don’t have to spell out the melodic and harmonic elements. They’re slightly mitigated, but they’re still very much present, underlaying the song’s raw core with a creepy, frightening melody.

Try to bring out that roar Nergal (the singer)'s voice. Even if you can pull it off for a short time without it sounding forced/emotionless, try doing it for the whole song. Now imagine singing like that for a 2-hour-long double set, and you see what the problem here is.

Father ov Terror!
Abu ol-Hol
enter the pylon
thru’ the galleys ov past
catacombs ov night
into the starry womb

slay, slay!
Asar un-Nefer
we have no fear
our time had come
our will is done

dance, dance!
O Mighty One
in the fields ov Aqert
and spit
upon slaves ov death

War God!
trample all weakness
this is your day ov pride
draw Thy flaming sword
cut the umbilical cord
to set me free from eternal sleep…

…step by step
evolution; spiral vibration
can you hear?
can you touch?
can you see?
can you really see?

we charm all jins -
automata, inprinted realities
they creep like snakes
and all we feel
is painful bliss
as we burn forth
like winged globe
like solar disk…
…and penetrate eternity

Slaves shall serve!
Slaves shall serve!
Slaves shall serve!
Slaves shall serve!

…Now tell me that that isn’t more meaningful and poetic than some castrato singing about their “baby, baby, baby baby baby ooh”…

I don’t really think I need to go too far in to this. “Inferno” is the drummer in that video clip, and there are probably less than 100 drummers in the world who can play that song at that speed. But if that didn’t convince you…

Same drummer. Live show.

Doesn’t really apply here…

That song… When I first heard it, I felt locked up. I was literally marching in lockstep to the beat, and for one of the few times in my life, I thought I felt a higher power over me… One named “Nergal”. This song, like a few others this band has produced, has a truly profound effect on my emotions when I hear it. It’s just amazingly powerful.

And after all, isn’t that what music is all about? Using rhythm, melody, and words to create a powerful imagery, or at least some emotions? When I listen to a song like Slaves Shall Serve or Daimonos (also from Behemoth) I can see it immediately; the court of some profane, ancient god, the hedonistic lustfulness all around, the slaves bowing on their knees before their masters… It is incredibly powerful.

Now does this mean that all metal is good? Or even that I like all metal? No. In a genre that can go from this to this to this, there’s an incredible amount of variety, some good (the aforementioned 3), some bad (Deathcore… blech), but either way, there’s something for everyone.

So you know what? I take it back. I do pit people who hate metal, because it’s like hating video games, or hating books. You’re going to find something in the genre you like, because it’s so damn huge. And those who think metal is not music… Well, you my friends may burn in hell for as long as you see fit to continue that opinion.

I’m a metal fan, but Cookie Monster vocals are fucking dumb.


The only emotional responses CM vocals elicit from me are derision and laughter. Give me James Hetfield any day.

The lyrics you posted don’t really help your case.

Crackle, crackle, crackle.


Sounds like something a 13 year old wanting to shock his parents would listen to.

I find it helps if you think of the vocals as just another instrument, and try not to make sense of the words as much as follow the rhythm of it.

Shiny happy people laughing
Meet me in the crowd
People people
Throw your love around
Love me love me
Take it into town
Happy happy
Put it in the ground
Where the flowers grow
Gold and silver shine

Budget Player Cadet, what sort of keyboard do you have? I need to get a similar one that doesn’t wear out.

Hmm, my posts are kinda long, aren’t they… You think this is bad though, you should see my posting on Smash World Forums. I’ve become legendary for my Wall of Text rants on that site.

"I the Sun ov man
The offspring ov the stellar race
My halo fallen and crushed upon the earth
That I may bring balance to this world

I son ov perdition
From sheer nothingness transgressed
Unto the highest self – to utmost freedom
To explore the starry nature ov my rage"


I mean, what lyrics do you listen to that are so much better?

All this deserves in response is “no they’re not”.

Quite true.

One of the insults I have for certain genres of things (anything to do with orcs, Vikings, catacombs, penny-dreadful fantasy fiction and all that shit) is “it’s a bit metal”.

I also think that many of the arguments your friend set up to answer are straw men. Of course it takes skill to play an instrument in a metal band. Of course there’s melody buried in there. Of course the lyrics don’t all promote satanism. Cookie Monster vocals are just screaming. But the one question your friend put forward that isn’t a straw man only merely touched on my objection to it, “it’s just noise” misspells the words “unlistenable shit”.

You have got to be taking the piss.

It’s a bit metal.

Love you
yes I love ya
yes I love my coo ca choo
Want you
yes I want ya
yes I - I really do want you
Tom Cat! Y’ know where it’s at!
Come on ! Let’s go to my flat
Lay down 'n groove on the mat
Ah- they don’t have lyrics like that anymore.

I don’t hate metal, it can be very useful. I mean, the other day, I was working on a broken lawn mower engine and it turned out it had a plastic pinion on the starter motor. Who the hell thought that was a good idea? Busted right in two. Replaced it with an older starter motor with a metal gear and all was well. Metal is good. Plastic now, plastic is evil.

“There’s a house with a garden,
in the squats and low-rise,
of a town with no future,
but that’s where my future lies.”

I’m certainly not going to argue that metal isn’t music; I’ve even heard some I kind of like. I like musicians who do nice things with words, and your posted lyrics certainly don’t fit that case.

Do you berate us as well?

Just what is the future? The things we’ve done and said.
Let’s just push the button. We’d be better off dead!

Cause’ I hate you! and I berate you! and I can’t wait to get to you…

The sins of all the fathers, being dumped on us - the sons
The only choice we’re given is: “How many megatons?”

So I eschew you! and I say “SCREW YOU”! and I hope you’re blue too!


However, yesterday I found a kickass heavy metal cover of Kesha’s “TiK ToK” on youtube.

Why can’t they spell “of”?

F’s make the baby Jesus cry. Which, while we’re on the subject, also explains grade inflation.

The post he posted didn’t help his case. I’m sympathetic to the OP’s position, but he comes across like a whiny teenager trying to tell all his friends why his favorite music Is Really Cool No Really Guys.

Of course it’s also true that 95% of everything is crap, which means that vast majority of metal is little more than “I’m angry so I’m going to be loud”. Not that any other genre does any better, of course.