OP, please, find something worthy to do with your time (which is quite obviously abundant,) which doesn’t involve worrying about what other people are saying. If you get offended by words, rather than actions, then your priorities are obviously misplaced.
etv78, do you at least get the point I’m trying to make?
I was born with my disability (muscular dystrophy) as well, and I share the same birth year as yourself (1978) also. And similarly, there was a school for the physically disabled nearby to where I lived (known as the “School for Crippled Children” at the time).
So, in many ways, our experiences may be quite similar indeed.
However, I instead went to a local, mainstream public school between the ages of 4 and 11. When it was time to move onto high school, I attended a mainstream public school that had a separate section for those who had attended the “School for Crippled Children”. I, however, continued to be integrated into the rest of the school.
It was immediately apparent to me that those children who had gone through the system via the “Crippled” route had an institutionalised mentality. The scope of what they wanted to achieve with their lives was so limited because their sense of self was inextricably linked to the fact that they were “disabled”.
Maybe the problem here is that I’m not actually part of the “disabled community” in that I don’t view myself as apart from wider society. Maybe those who do are prone to this kind of overreaction, where words alone can trigger meltdowns without any regard to context. My own bit of armchair psychoanalysis says that it’s a way for those who feel powerless to try and regain some sense of control by being the arbiters of what can be considered “appropriate” language in their midst.
But I see this as fruitless and really quite counterproductive. People from the wider community who will rally to your cause will only be alienated when you berate them for well-intentioned turns of phrase. By all means, shout down those who are malicious and wish to spread hate, but the people who have shown no evidence of maliciousness deserve better, IMHO. You’ll win more support in the long run by embracing those who mean well than by shouting them down for perceived ignorance with regard to “off limits” words.
What was to be gained by this Pit thread? I want you to seriously consider this.
There’s so much more to life than this nonsense. Relax a bit more and you might be happier for it.
Lobot-we do have similiar life experiences (I was manistreamed until age 17). I DO see myself as a “person with a disability” not the other way around. I was transported to grade school with kids with Down Syndrome, and my mother’s two closest friends have kids with Down Syndrome (one’s brother is my bro’s longtime pal).
1 final question for everyone who participitated in this thread: How difficult is it to avoid using words that are harsh and mean, really?
LOL.
It’s not difficult at all. What’s in dispute is what constitutes “harsh and mean”. Nobody called Dick Clark a “fucking tardo loser” or anything similar; the gist of the “retarded” remark was that he sounded like he wasn’t all there, cognitively-speaking.
I grew up in a family where nothing is too tasteless to discuss, so maybe my perception is warped, but I don’t really believe words alone can hurt–it’s how they’re used that’s important.
Fuckin’ A.
I think you may be onto something, as I’ve noticed something similar in certain segments of the LGBT population and it may exist in other marginalized “communities” as well. I’m not sure what the common thread is among those who so deeply embrace this victim mentality and obsess over words when actions are more important, but there does seem to be one. I find it ultimately self-defeating and a way of psychologically hobbling oneself, though.
I’ll usually refrain from using language that hurts those around me if asked, but aren’t we better off and stronger if we don’t let ourselves be constantly injured by language? As mentioned upthread, if you stop using one word because people have used it as an insult another euphemism will become an insult.
Exactly. But the word “victim” here is important, because as soon as you define yourself that way, you’re buying into the idea that life is something that happens to you instead having power over your own destiny. Of course shitty things happen to people that they can’t control, but when that becomes your guiding philosophy, you’re dooming yourself to a life of misery.
Even just “warning” someone about your “berserk button” is a way of aligning yourself with powerlessness. In effect, the message is, “I am not responsible for my own response to your words; if you push my buttons, I will respond in a manner that I cannot control.” It’s the Bruce Banner defence, and it’s really a bit of a cop-out.
Right. That makes perfect sense. All insulting words are identical, and calling someone an asshole is exactly the same as calling a mentally retarded person a retard to his face. “Nigger” okay, too, for everyday usage?
Well, no. Just for special occasions.
Lobot-telling someone they said something you find offensive is “playing the victim”?
Nigger, please, what are you? A 'tard?
No, but in my experience, people waiting to be offended by others do indeed have the “victim” mindset.
Meanwhile, warning others as an “FYI” that a certain word will likely trigger a “berserk” response in you is indeed a “victim” move. You’re claiming to be victim to your own emotions. (it’s a bit drama-queenish, too, IMHO.) You can’t control your initial, internal reaction; you can control what happens after that.
I only use it on Christmas and my grandmother’s birthday.
Yup.
Yep!
Not exactly. Calling a a mentally retarded person a retard to his face is like calling a black person black to his face.
I want to take this one step further. Calling a black person African-American to his face is like calling a mentally retarded person special to his face.
Well, “retard” as a noun is pretty clearly a slur. I daresay calling a mentally retarded person a “retard” is akin to calling a black person “nigger” or a gay person “faggot”.
“Nigger” exists only to insult an entire race. “Retard” has been, is, and will continue to be widely used to refer to stupid things and people as well as the mentally retarded. What are you, special needs or something?