Y’know - actually having giant pincher claws would came in very handy some days.
My favorite is when they walk right in the middle of the sidewalk, and then toddle a little from side to side so that they take up even more space. Fuckwads.
And let us not omit the indoor variant, Corridor Rage. Both add joy and drama to our lives.
There’s the almost-daily suspense of heading towards a clot of dumbasses spread out to cover the entire walkway. Will they yield you a bit of space to pass, or march onwards in the expectation that you’ll either vanish or squoosh up against the wall to avoid inconveniencing them?
My favorite recently was the duo coming down the corridor chatting, obviously seeing me but not doing anything about their complete blockage of the right of way until I stopped dead right in front of them - at which point the obstructing noodlehead took hold of my arm with a semi-apologetic smile, and squeeeezed around me. Lady, after you get your slimy paw off me, get a clue.
Or the Entitled Family completely obstructing the corridor as I audibly approached from behind and said (in a completely neutral tone of voice, I assure you) “Excuse me.” I was awarded space to get by, but when I was about 50 feet on ahead, the Entitled Family’s Designated Boor called out “Excuse MEEEEE!!!”
Ruined their day, I did. 
I can get behind this pitting 100% as a city sidewalk walker, every day. I nearly nailed a woman heading straight for me on Monday, she was looking at something over my head and I guess somehow seriously didn’t see me. She was walking on the “wrong” side in the first place, so as I was just heading forward, in a straight line, with people passing the opposite direction on my left, here she comes, diagonally from the right, looking up, and not registering a collision course. I had nowhere to go, as the people to my left were also heading toward me, so I couldn’t move left.
I had the choice to either stop dead in my tracks, or body check her. I found a little middle ground by saying loudly, “excuse me!” and managed to only lightly check her with my bag (as the people behind her saw me and moved a little). I seriously think she was entirely unaware there was a person directly in front of her until my bag ran into her. No, she wasn’t blind, she was pointing at something and talking to another person while walking away from them. Dumbass.
Yes! This one is the worst of all because you’re right in front of them! Seriously, what do they expect? That you’ll turn around and walk in the direction that they’re walking so as not to inconvenience them? Throw yourself on the ground so they can step on and over you? Listen people! We all actually take up space and don’t somehow dematerialize or something just because you’re approaching us! Something has to give!
Anyone who uses “Mouthbreathing” as some sort of general insult is not worthy of consideration.
Is slackjawed the preferred term these days?
I see that, and raise you:
People who stand right at the exit of a revolving door, so that your choices are a) plow right through them, or b) go around in circles until they figure out how idiotic they are.
The sidewalk’s for regular walking, not for fancy walking.
You shot who in the what now?
Silly walking is right out.
And then there are the mommies with their urban assault strollers. Huge wheels, three feet wide and you had BETTER get out of my fucking way because I’m a mommy and I have automatic right of way because I reproduced, bitch! People in Portland, while nice enough in most settings, will NOT move over to give you enough room to walk past them when coming head on. They will NOT move their little talkie group out of the middle of the sidewalk when they see you coming. It’s most aggravating.
Hell, I almost got run down by a guy on the phone a few weeks ago. Totally oblivious to where he was going. It was like he was blind or something. If I hadn’t stepped forward he would have plowed right into me. Walking around the hotel like he owned the place.
Some people.
All of that is small potatoes compared to people who walk down the left side of a hallway, hugging the wall before taking a left at the corner of an intersecting hallway, thereby scaring the crap out of normal sane people who walk on the right side of hallways.
That’s a crime that should be punished by years of waterboarding.
This is true. It is possible to walk slowly without forcing everyone around you to do the same.
In London, I find that saying “excuse me” mostly doesn’t work. I can’t put it down to language problems, even though it’s often tourists, because ‘excuse me’ is a very well-known term. It can’t be the noise, because I ask loudly enough for them them hear and sometimes they even turn and look at me. But don’t move aside.
On Oxford St I sometimes just have to physically move people aside. I do walk faster than many people, and I don’t expect everyone to keep to that pace, but often these people are literally shuffling along the road.
The few times I’ve seen someone stop dead at the top of the escalators in London, the people behind them have either barreled into them - when the escalators are two abreast, there’s no other choice - or managed to get to the other side if there’s room and then told the loiterer off. I doubt many people do it twice. They still stand right at the entrances to the tube, though.
Today a lady told off a big group of teenage tourists off for taking up the whole platform while people tried to squeeze past them. They did move, but then also laughed and said things directed at her which did not sound complimentary.
You’d have thought ‘walking in a public space’ was a pretty basic skill, but some have yet to master it.
Work in a place with five foot hallways for awhile and you’ll soon be intimate in the art of defensive cornering. That, and veering like a drunk person down the hallway to avoid open doors, but that’s optional since only I do it. And yet still every so often someone almost runs into me, when they’re turning a corner and I’m tiptoeing carefully around it.
I can get around the slowest walkers without a problem. It’s the folks on cell phones that drive me buggy. They will suddenly lurch in any direction at any instant without any warning.
I suspect even Daniel Boone, at the height of his powers, couldn’t tell the difference between a drunk and a cell phone user when tracking them through the snow.
On crowded walkways when speaking on a cell phone I set myself aside out of the way so as not to impede others.
As bad as pedestrian cell phone users are, at least they can’t kill anyone except maybe themselves if they step out into traffic (I’ve saved two of them myself). Drivers who text or speak on a cell phone kill others. The punishment for driving while texting should approach that for drunk driving, IMO.
Being from New York, I will mumble “excuse me” and if they don’t react in the millisecond before I push past them, tough. I was a messenger in Manhattan before bicycles one summer, and refined my broken field running quite well.
What bugs me where I live now are people holding hands and blocking the entire sidewalk, heading toward me when I’m walking my dog. My dog can go on the tree lawn, but being from New York I sure as hell am not because they want the entire sidewalk. They eventually get the message to share the sidewalk or be trampled.
Oh, God. when she got really old, my mother did this. She really couldn’t help it, she was blind (macular degeneration), severely hard of hearing, walked poorly and had some dementia. She would wear sunglasses, but as soon as she stepped in a door, she came to a dead stop, took her sunglasses off, put them in her purse, and then looked around to see where she was going. She was incapable of continuing to walk while she took her sunglasses off and put them away. I tried to drag her a few steps out of the way, but no dice. I finally resorted to doing charades behind her back to the people behind her, acting out blind, deaf and stubborn as a mule. no one ever actually cussed us out but I know there were a few “bless her hearts” muttered through gritted teeth.
The supermarket can be bad (why park your cart right across from the display instead of behind it?) but Costco is horrendous. Families with a million little brats who think letting them push the cart of block the aisles is fun. And the ones who block the intersections with their carts while getting a free lunch from the samples. We’ve taken to going early, before the sample people set up, and it is great.
Mark my word, someday some clown in a state where everyone is carrying will open up on some of these idiots.