Look, I know your love your dog, it is part of the family. I get it. I come from a family of pet owners. I understand, but just because you love your dog doesn’t mean I have to like it.
My daughter does not like dogs, at least not the ones she doesn’t know. She’s a little kid, and she needs time to get used to a new dog, then she might warm up to it. If you invite us to your home it is not nice to let your large dog jump on my daughter as soon as you open the door. Telling us that it is a friendly dog helps not one whit.
If you see my daughter, whom you invited to your home too, climbing on a chair terrified, it is not nice to just reassure her that the dog wants to play. She doesn’t want to play with your dog, she does not want to be licked on the face by your dog, she does not want her dress pulled by your dog.
I know it is also your dog’s home, which is why I will from now refrain from visiting you. Your dog is the most polite being in that home.
This has happened so many times to us that I am beginning to believe that some people lose their manners when they get a dog.
This might not end well, but I needed to vent. I hate dog owners that give dogs a bad name.
Before you visit someone, do you tell them that your daughter is afraid of dogs? Do you expect that dog owners are going to corral their dogs into an out-of-the way room every time the doorbell rings and there’s an unannounced visitor, just in case the person at the door is afraid of dogs?
Sorry, but if my doorbell rings, and I have no idea who it is, my dogs are coming with me to the door. Happy, friendly PWDs that love people are the best way to get rid of JWs, magazine salespeople, and the like; it gives me an excuse to get back indoors fast.
Besides which, it is never OK to let a large dog jump on a little kid (or anyone) at first sight. Should I start asking people if they are inconsiderate dog owners before accepting invitations?
If know in advance someone is afraid of dogs of course I’ll lock him up. Also if it’s a “stranger” meeting him for the first time I’ll introduce him outside, while he’s on a leash.
I love dogs better than most people I know. But I would never let my dog play rough house or be a “dog” with a small child that wasn’t large enough to handle it.
Perfectly reasonable. That’s what we did at home.
The problem in this particular case is that a) I did not know they had a dog, b) I did not know they had a very large dog, and c) I did not know they would let the dog jump out the door, and put his paws on my daughter’s shoulders and start licking her face before she even got introduced to the owners.
Worse, once you see the terrified face of a little kid, you should know to keep the dog away from her. I am not talking about taking the dog out in the back and shooting him, the dog will survive not being able to “play” with a kid it had just met 5 seconds ago.
While this is extremely rude behavior on the part of both the owners and the dog, it isn’t all that unusual. Owners like that will do it to dogs owned by others, parents will do it with babies (no, I don’t want to hold it!) and other children (such as those parents that will take their kids everywhere and insert them into adult parties), those who love rap “music” at ear bleeding levels will insist on sharing it with everyone with a couple of miles. You cannot assume that because you know your daughter is scared that the owners of the dog are going to recognize it, and you cannot assume that it has ever happened that a child hasn’t welcomed the advances of this (rather rude) dog.
I’m sorry that you daughter isn’t comfortable with dogs, but unless the owners continued to insist that she interact closely with the dog, I really can’t see why you won’t go over there again. You say this has happened so many times - apparently most people don’t have a problem with it, so you are going to need to speak up for your daughter unless/until she gets to the point she either isn’t bothered with it or can deal with it herself.
As an aside, it has become a fad? trend? to “train” dogs using “purely positive” methods, which essentially means the dog isn’t actually trained and in some cases just takes over the house. Because of this, and the “furbaby” thing, I think you are going to keep meeting rude dogs, and so would be better off addressing it from your daughter’s end of it rather than trying to get everyone who has a dog to change the way they deal with it.
Again, I’ll ask: before you visit someone, do you tell them that your daughter is afraid of dogs?
If I don’t know that visitors are going to be afraid of dogs, I’m not going to lock them away. Also, FWIW, many dogs, including mine, are quite intuitive when it comes to knowing the limits of other people; my dogs are unusually gentle with young children and the elderly, and more “bouncy” with adults.
It doesn’t matter. If your dog is large and the type to jump on people, you need to keep it from doing that to a guest. And when it’s clear that the person is afraid and running away, you absolutely do not insist that the guest get over it. That’s how childhood phobias become adult phobias–not being in control of exposure.
And think about it. If any creature that is large enough to put it’s hands on your shoulder comes running at you, are you going to tell me you wouldn’t be scared? It’s common sense.
I can feel for you not wanting to lock up your dog at first if you didn’t expect it to act in that manner. But the second you realized what was happening, you ought to be responsible and handle the situation in the proper way.
That said, merely not going over to their house isn’t going to tell them anything. The OP needs to communicate what they did wrong. Mere social ostracization isn’t going to keep them from doing it to someone else. And it’s likely that the OP can deal with this in a non-passive aggressive manner and not have to avoid this friend forever.
But, still, remember that the OP had no idea that the person had a dog, so your insistence that she should have told her ahead of time that her daughter might be afraid of said dog doesn’t even make sense on the face of it.
Do people hand over their babies to people they are meeting for the first time? :eek:
I never gave my daughter to hold to anyone that didn’t ask for it, and that I didn’t know and trust. Common sense and common courtesy.
When I said it has happened many times, it is with other dogs, and other owners. People now believe that because the dog is part of the family it must participate in all activities within the home, and be left unrestrained at all times and circumstances (if we have guests, I don’t let my child stay in the room if the conversation is not appropriate for her age, for example, even if this is also her home).
My in-laws have large dogs (labs, actually, but they might as well be grizzlies if you are 3 years old). My daughter never reacted with fear because my FIL trains his dogs, they are restrained when meeting someone new, the guest is asked if it is OK to keep the dog in the room (they might have allergies), and the dog gets gently introduced to the new “friend” (as in “see this person, he/she is welcome here”. It is up to the person how much interaction they want with the dog after that). My daughter absolutely love these dogs, and she plays hard with them with no problem.
Not training your dog to interact with people does them a great disservice.
I do not let my dogs maul (the over exuberant happy version) people, whether they are afraid of dogs or not. I often get the other person saying “oh, I don’t mind, I love dogs!” Well, that’s fine, but I mind, because the next person they meet might be afraid of dogs. Not to mention that when I say “off” or “sit” or “leave it” to them (my dogs, that is!) I want them to obey ASAP, not eventually.
I have a GDS and a black Lab. Both are sweet people-loving mushes and totally non-aggressive, but they are big and can be intimidating to look at if you aren’t comfortable with dogs in general.
As a slight hijack to this, I need to pit the moron in the Vet’s office who deliberately brought his dog over to sniff my cat in her carrier! He said “oh it’s ok, he likes cats…” :mad: Yeah, well, who’s going to explain that to my very sick cat who does NOT need any more stress? He was actually offended when I picked her carrier up and moved it away :rolleyes:
No dog of any size should be allowed to jump on anyone, including members of the family (I say this as someone who’s had numerous dogs and is currently training a Labrador pup that this is forbidden behavior). It’s a mark of a badly trained dog and heedless owners for this to be tolerated.
There’s a '50s novel by John MacDonald (of Travis McGee fame) in which a man (with grave misgivings) allows his brother-in-law, a newly released ex-con to stay with the family for awhile*. When they arrive home from the penitentiary, they’re greeted by the family’s large, effusively friendly dog, who promptly jumps up at the ex-con. The man casually puts out a knee and knocks the dog down. The dog’s feelings are hurt and we are supposed to view this as evidence of what a vile and nasty guy the ex-con is. Well he is a rotten person, but what he did was part of what the rest of the family should have been doing all along. One of the few off-notes I can recall in any of the John Macdonald novels.
*it does not end well.
I’m sure my inlaws think I’m not a dog fan, because when they owned dogs I would always put out my hands and/or shin to fend off the overexuberant greeting efforts of their very large dogs. They might have been trained well as hunting dogs, but should not be allowed to try to jump up on even familiar guests, ram their noses into your crotch/rear, etc. I actually grew up owning dogs, and we did not permit them to behave like that.
That being said, to the OP, apparently you need to be proactive and ask whether the new acquaintance owns dogs, and if so, emphasize your daughter’s fear. It may not sink in right away, but perhaps their attention will be drawn away from ‘oh isn’t my dog just funny’ and to the fact that there is a problem going on.
There is nothing wrong with explaining that your daughter is afraid of dogs and asking that the dog be put in another room. That wouldn’t offend me or my dog. Well, it might piss off my dog, but she’ll get over it once she craps in the closet or something.
No dog of any size should be allowed to jump up on anyone. Ever. That is one of the most basic training items and it’s not that hard to teach.
We had a Saint Bernard who was excessively friendly and looooved everyone. Obviously such a huge dog can’t be allowed to dominate anything or any one. She had the “sit” command mastered early and was taught to sit and offer her paw in greeting on our command when anyone came in the house.
I greatly sympathize with the unfortunate child in the OP. I was frightened by a small dog in exactly the same way when I was a small child and have a deeply ingrained fear of any dog off leash to this day. I have mostly overcome it but still get a horrible panic deep inside at the sight of a free-running off-leash dog.
It shouldn’t matter if a person is afraid of dogs or not. Your dog shouldn’t jump up on anyone; if it does, it’s badly trained and badly behaved. I like dogs, and have a large dog, and I would not be impressed if I arrived at someone’s house and was jumped on at the door. If I saw it was about to happen, your dog would get my knee in its chest.
I had a similar experience with a German Shepherd when I was little. The difference is, I freaked out and ran out into the street, where I was hit by a passing car. I was mostly just bruised and got scrapes on my face, and spent a few hours in the hospital under observation, but for many years afterward I had a dog phobia. I overcame it enough that I now have three dogs as pets (2 Jack Russell terrier mixes, 1 dalmatian/lab/whatever mutt), but large dogs still make me nervous.
I know in Doperland, where nobody talks on a cell phone in public and Gabourey Sidibe is a frequent subject of masturbatory fantasies, all dogs are well trained and perfectly behaved. In the real world, they aren’t. Just like humans, dogs make mistakes.
When my doorbell rings, or someone knocks at the door, my dogs bark and get excited. That’s what dogs do; they’re both alerting me to someone’s presence, and they’re genuinely excited at the prospect of meeting someone else. If it’s someone they know, they’ll both run off and retrieve gifts for the visitor; a toy or old rawhide. If they’re a child or someone frail, they won’t jump on them; they do exercise some judgement. If they’re adults, and they respond positively to the dogs, one may try to climb up on them. My dogs don’t jump on random people on the street, although if they’re getting a lot of attention from someone, they might try. Jumping, unfortunately, is a trait of the breed of dog I have, and it’s difficult to train it out; I’ve tried. From Wikipedia:
If someone visits and they’re obviously scared of dogs, I’ll pill them in, and not leave them to their own devices. Still, I’m not going to hide my dogs every time someone visits or shows up at the door.
Then again, in this oddball place we call Doperland, where nobody ever eats at Applebee’s, nobody’s dogs ever have more than one paw off the ground at any time when they’re not walking, and pit bulls are all loveable, perfectly behaved sweeties that attack far less frequently than elderly yellow Labs, so this is all pointless.