Many of us have had this dilemma I’m sure. You visit a friend who has a dog that for one reason or another you prefer not to be around. However, the dog owner doesn’t see this because they are so besotted with the beast. And so, you are forced to suffer through the jumping, barking, sniffing or other objectionable behavior. What do you do?
The other night we went to visit friends who have a 100 lb. chocolate lab. It did all of the above and terrified my 4 year old son, knocked him down so he hit his head and left a really ugly bruise and scratch on my leg from jumping. They put the dog in another room briefly, but then let him out and didn’t put him back. They insist he’s just playing as evidenced by the tail wagging, but I still have the bruise and scratch and my son had nightmares about the dog.
We would like to remain friendly with these people but we really don’t want to ever visit them in their home again and that can get awkward. What would you do?
I would have a serious talk with your friend. I have two dogs, one of them a large working breed, and they have both been trained how to politely greet visitors. Also, if I notice that a guest appears uncomfortable about the presence of the dogs, I will put them upstairs.
Your friend is being a dreadful host, and whatever the intentions of the ill-mannered Labrador may be, he is still hurting and scaring you and your son. There is simply no excuse for this. Tell her that if she can’t control her dog, you will not be able to visit her in her home anymore.
BTW, depending on the tail position, speed and stiffness of the wag, and other body language, tail wagging does not always equal friendly.
Caricci, I wish I had an answer for you. I’m very allergic to dogs and cats and most of my friends and family who are pet owners seem to ignore this fact and allow their animals near me. They seem personally offended by my allergies. If I could choose not to get the hives, swollen, itchy eyes, and constricted breathing, believe me I would! But since I have little choice in the matter, keep the damned things away from me.
I do have one relative who is allergic to my three cats and my opinion is come or don’t come to my house but that’s just because it’s my annoying BIL. Otherwise, when I invite people I tell them I have pets and, because there are so many, I don’t feel bad if people won’t come to my home due to allergies.
I was thinking about my OP afterwards and I admit to being a little guilty myself. We have a small dog who is very mellow, but our nephew and niece who are younger than my son were afraid of him anyway and I was very unaccomodating of that fear. He didn’t knock them down or jump or bark or sniff or pay any attention to them, but they were afraid to go near him. I should have tied him up further away.
When I go to someone’s house and I know they have pets then I consider it my responsibility to take care of my self. I take some meds before hand and try to avoid sitting on upholstered furniture. If I have a reaction anyway, I leave. I don’t blame them for that at all. The thing I object to is them allowing their dogs or cats to rub against me or jump on me and their excuse being “oh, he/she is just friendly.” While the three shots a week I get manage to control my allergies to a certain extent, I have been hospitalized for reactions in the past–these people know this but still don’t seem to show any consideration. Okay, I’ll stop now–I feel I’m approaching pit territory
I think allergies are a different issue here entirely. If you have pets, there is little you can do to accomodate a guest who is allergic to them. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats, and although I keep a pretty clean house, it is full of allergens. That is out of my control.
However, you can keep your animals from mauling guests though training, or if you are too lazy to do that, through restraint. Caricci, if your small dog didn’t bother your niece and nephew, then you were still a good host. I do believe that pets have some rights in their own home, as long as they are well-behaved. I will put my animals up for a couple hours if I have a guest for the evening who is not comfortable around them, but I wouldn’t have people stay overnight unless they could get along with the animals.
I was about to tell a story about trying to make accomodations for the allergic BIL and the scared little kids at the same time, but, damn! it’s complicated. I guess I did my best in the situation where the kids were scared just because they’re scared of dogs, but when your huge dog is in a little boy’s face and he’s cowering and begging the dog to leave him alone, it’s not hard to figure out what to do.
Heh, one of my pals had a sheepdog that was quite completely psycho. It did something I never saw a dog do before–it would sit down near you and stare at your shadow, and if it saw your shadow move, it would spin around and try to bite you. If it happened to sit down staring directly at you, there was no problem. But if your shadow moved too fast, you got it. It never did any of this to him or his family of course, but after if died all his friends (me included) were saying “PRAISE THE F@*#ING LORD!!!” in private, away from him… Horrible but true…
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mia pegged it. Your friend is a horrible host, and their dog is inadequately trained.
Which doesn’t address the issue of a dog or cat’s unerring ability to identify the one guest who can’t stand them, and direct all of their attention to that one unreceptive soul.
I don’t see any real alternatives to telling your friends that you would like to see them, but it can’t be in their home because you are uncomfortable around their dog. It will have to come up eventually. And maybe they think you are crazy for your opinion of their dog. But they will either have to accept that one q
IME, dogs and guests - especially kids - can be a difficult combination. More than once I have seen friendly dogs be accused of “biting” kids. When in fact, the kid was responsible for the interaction, and no physical harm was done. Such as, the kid is holding food low, and the dog takes it out of his hand. No bite, but the kid is upset and says “He bit me.”
And as much as I love my dogs, I do not trust them out of my sight with kids who are not familiar with them.
A bit of a twist - the one thing we dislike about our current dog is that she whines submissively when people come over. We ask people to please not pet her when she does it so as not to encourages this behavior. But a few of our very good friends act as tho it is so cute, and go ahead and pet her while she is whining. Very tough situation.
We have no compunction against putting our dog in another room and keeping her there.
Damn! How did that happen? Is there a keypad shortcut for submitting? My fingers got tangled up as I was typing that 3d paragraph, and all of a sudden it got submitted.
Anyway, as I was saying - they either will agree to put up with this one quirk or yours, or else you don’t need to be close friends.
I can’t stand ill-mannered dogs, and if the owners don’t do something about them, I tend to take matters in my own hands.
You may want to mention one word to your friend: lawsuit. All it would take is for that dog to knock down and scratch the wrong kid and they can be sued.
It’s also not very nice to know that the safety of their friends and family is second to Fido’s cute antics. Maybe it was cute when it was a puppy, but 100lbs jumping up on you just isn’t fun.
Owners like this make me sick. Too many of these dogs are written off as “handfuls” and dumped in the shelters.
I’d tell them truthfully why you hesitate to visit them anymore. Perhaps you can also hint about dog obedience classes and some sports they can attend with their dog, such as agility or flyball. Too many people are thinking Labs are the perfect family dog, but they don’t realize that they still need to be worked with to make them perfect. Perhaps if they start meeting people with well-trained dogs it may inspire them to do some work with theirs.
Never mind the kids and the allergies, what about the dog behaviours that people who don’t have dogs aren’t used to? Like getting dog slobber all over your hands, face, and good clothes, like having to keep pushing a dog away from your plate at a barbecue, like having dogs take food off the table and gobble it down if no one catches them in time - I truly hate this bullshit.
I don’t think I can say anything to these people; all I can do is stop visiting them, and they just happen to be Jim’s best friends. Jeeze, just thinking about this is making me angry all over again - how many times do I have to push your dog’s face out of my plate before you take them and put them away while we’re eating? These people are good people, and good hosts, but they seem completely blind to how people who don’t have dogs are not enjoying the company of their three big lugs. If my cats were pestering people like that, they would be in the basement so fast their little heads would be spinning.
Oh, as for the OP, I would use my child as an excuse. Just say your child is having a problem being around large dogs, and see what their reaction to that is. If they’re good people, they will accommodate him. If they are uncaring louts, they will not give a rat’s hiney and insist that their is nothing wrong with their dog’s behaviour. Then, base your visits on their reactions.
I have 4 dogs, and unless the visitor is someone who has been to my house many times and is familiar with and friendly with my dogs, I will keep my dogs crated or outside.
I have one terrier puppy who is stranger wary, and because I want him to get used to strangers I will keep him out and on leash–provided the guest is ok with this. But I would never feel comfortable thrusting my overly friendly husky, chow and mama terrier on an unwilling guest.
Not only is it inconsiderate, it is dangerous–to both the guest and possibly my dogs. I cannot understand why your friend is unaware of the commotion her dog is causing. Tell her that you would love to visit, but that your son is afraid of her dog and you would really appreciate it if she could keep him crated or in another room while you visit. If your friend can’t accomodate you in this way, she isn’t really a very good friend.
Calliope, I have 4 dogs too, and I’m with you. I don’t leave my dogs out to annoy guests. Sometimes, if the guest is willing, I’ll let one or two out at a time so they can visit.
My dogs are kinda rambunctious, and most folks wouldn’t enjoy them all let loose together.
And I would never let all of them out when a small child was visiting. That’s a recipe for a lawsuit for sure.
We have rambunctious dogs also, and we allow them to be loose only with guests who are our closest, most dog-friendly visitors – those who we KNOW will enjoy exuberant physical canine affection. Otherwise the dogs stay outside or, with overnight guests, are ushered into the house and immediately up to our bedroom after the guests have gone to bed, and then they’re taken back out to their pen first thing in the morning. With little kids who want to pet a doggie, depending on the kid’s size we either go for a walk with the dogs, who generally run around and ignore visitors, or we let the littlest ones pet Buster, the very docile (and small) beagle.
I’ll be the first to admit that our dogs are quite rambunctious, and we love them to pieces, but we would also not inflict them on anyone who didn’t seem receptive.
I’ve always been kind of intimidated by large dogs, and of course, I’m dating a guy with a large dog. She’s about 65 lbs. and she likes to lick and shake all the time… and when he brings here over, there is dog hair all over my apartment and her tail knocks everything over. She likes to jump on the furniture and slobbers on the windows. However, I have had to learn to accept this, since she lives with him… but it hasn’t been easy. He just can’t seem to understand how I couldn’t love her to death, and he thinks I’m uptight because I get mad about having to vacuum all the time!
I was once accused of being selfish for not wanting to be around my grandparent’s dog. Reason being: When around the dog for extended periods of time, my throat would close up, my eyes would start itching, and I’d get a huge, nasty rash that usually required a week of treatment or a hospital visit to get rid of. And the sad thing is, it wasn’t the dog, it was the perfume the groomer was using on him.
And then when the dog developed the skin condition, suddenly I was confronted with lots of “Oh, do you think that might’ve been it?”
People can be rude, or oblivious, when it comes to things like this.
I am allergic to long haired cats, but guess what the MIL brought home last year… I am stuck in the bedroom as there is cat hair all over the house. If I do wander out, my skin itches, and after a while it becomes hard to breathe. Oh well, lucky me.
When people came to my home (in the US) and did not want to be in the same room as my dog, she went into the bedroom. Simple enough.
Believe it or not,the OP dog has been to obedience classes and now it knows to sit and lay down when someone has cheese for it. How reassuring. It’s still a monster when guests are there. Oh, excuse me, it’s just excited to see us and is just playing.
