I pit sorority girls

The BBQ Pit
1

I spent this past weekend in my ex-college town of Davis. Foolishly, I attempted to take my girlfriend to a movie only a few days into the start of the UC Davis academic term.

Ever see those nature films of migrating butterflies? Every year they descend on a town and cover every surface with fluttery colors and sunshine and all that shit?

Right now, as we speak, Davis is like that. Only with freshmen!

Yes! This time of year downtown Davis is swarming with these pimply creatures, just out of high school. My first warning of the impending situation in the movie theater was when we were buying out tickets.

It seems every sorority in Davis chose this particular night to swarm the theater.
At first I suspected that a Johnny Depp movie was playing, but then I remembered the true culprit: rush week.

Legions of these cookie-cutter tramps were massed outside the theater. Not buying tickets. Not waiting in line. But socializing!

No, why should I be able to make my way to the door, without being bombarded by teenage giggling and the overpowering stench of perfume, applied by women barely old enough to vote, who have not yet learned that less is more when it comes to chemical fragrances.

The ticket-lady warned us explicitly of the dangers ahead, whispering in a lowered voice, evidently fearing retribution by a horde of cell-phone toting, bleached-blonde hussies:
“If you hurry, you can get decent seats before the sorority sluts get in there!”

We rushed to make our way to our designated screen before the Armies of Darkness had a chance to mobilize.

Once the film began, we were to find little in the way of a haven in the darkened room. These tramps, who would have been perfect for the role of Sluttus Maximus in any Roman-period film, found it necessary to titter and comment on every cliched part of the film.

Shut the fuck up, bitches! I happened to enjoy Just Like Heaven!!

Must you giggle like 7th grade boys in health class during the sappy scenes??

Is it so difficult to sit through a romantic film without tormenting me with your juvenile squeals??

2

You went to see a chick flick on a Saturday night in a college town? You deserve what you get.

3

That’s what happens when you make 21 the legal age to do anything fun.

4

Yeah, you picked the wrong place on the wrong night, my friend. My buddies and I learned all too slowly that when we saw a sea of blonds wearing pink that we should find somewhere else to go.

Then we found pubs and coffee shops. All was well.

Gotta agree with Otto. You should’ve headed right back out that door and found another theater. I know you couldn’t have known what movie people would be in…but still. One must be able to assess the situation and assume the worst case. Now you know…and knowing is half the battle.

5

Go Joe!

Well, I wanted to see Lord of War. I let (I did not give in, I let) the wiminfolk choose what we watched. And the other theater wasn’t playing any film worth seeing.

6

I should have went to college.

7

Hey, fair enough. I feel your pain. I hesitate to mock the Greek faction because I knew a handful of really cool KKGs in my major and my sister was DG.

But the fresh-meat, rush-frenzied clones are annoying as fucking-all-get-out. I’ve had more than a few irritating meals at restaurants when a pack of high-decibel sorostitutes crowded into surrounding tables to natter about their two-tone dyejobs over tiny salads and massive Long Island Ice Teas. Better luck next time.

8

Man, you got off easy.

We went to see *A History of Violence * tonight, and we got frat boys.

But, you get what you get, and I learned to appreciate the sound of a well-timed belch.

9

I have not the words…

For God’s sake–for the sanity of all of malekind, and for the purity and essence of your natural bodily fluids, please go see a fill by Sam Raimi or Quentin Tarantino–or maybe something with Robert DeNiro beating the crap out of some poor bastard–before your testicles shrivel to uselessness and fall off.

You deserve what you get for watching a movie like that.

That is all. :wink:

Stranger

10

Heh. I’m a KKG! :slight_smile:

I don’t like it when “sorority girls” get lumped together and stereotyped this way. There is a ton of variety in houses and the women who join them, and some of the coolest, most down-to-earth people I ever met were in my house.

But, hell, even I’ll admit that en masse, we could be really fucking annoying.

11

KKG, KKG, KKG eternally!

Is there some sort of KKG slogan that runs to the effect of “we’re (something, something) women, with the keys to the kingdom of God”? I saw this play a million years ago with three female leads, one section of which had them as KKGs, and trying to remember what sort of (something, something) women KKGs are has been making me mildly nuts forever.

12

Yeah, I’ve had a few run-ins with the sorority sluts of U.C. Davis. Consider yourself lucky, though. Although they can be annoying as all hell, it takes half a brain to get into Davis. Things could’ve been worse. You could’ve been in Chico. :eek:

13

That’s funny. Must have been a drunken mistake. I doubt frat boys have the capacity to appreciate David Cronenberg’s work.

“What the hell is this? I thought this was the strip club!..Oh well, let’s stay, maybe they’ll show some boobies.”

14

Rock on. It always made me a little tingly to see a Kappa who could prep and lock down a studio camera in under thirty seconds. Mmmm…mighty fine.

15

I heard many comments like these throughout, so you’re probably not too far off on that.

Overheard (mild to moderate spoilers for the movie A History of Violence):

In the beginning: “Whoa, this dude kicks so much ass.”
The stair scene: “So… she likes it rough?”
Kid gets slapped by father: “Nobody likes to be pimp slapped by dad. That’s cold, dude.”
“69” scene - “This has got to be the worst porn ever.”
Any and all blood, guts, or gore showed was met with much cheering.
Any female nudity was met with much cheering.
Any Viggo ass was met with “I was not informed there would be gratuitous man-ass scenes.”
Cheerleader outfit: “Show us your pompoms!”
Final scene/credits rolling: “WHAT THE HELL?”

16

That’s right, because we’re all drunken slobs who end up wearing penny loafers because we’re too stupid to tie our shoes.

TKE-BB-724

17

Ah. My bad.

I doubt most frat boys have the capacity.

It certainly applies to the ones around here, anyway. I can hear them screaming “WHOOOOOOOOOO!!” nearly every night anywhere from midnight to 3am from whoever’s house party they’re currently at across the street. It seems to be one of the few vocalizations they all seem to understand.

18

I would classify them under “Damned kids.”

One of my major pet peeves [1] is when people start lumping all “frat boys” and “sorority girls” together under the Animal House/Legally Blond mold. At least no one broke out the “At least I didn’t need to pay for my friends” cliché.

[1] An even bigger pet peeve are the damned kids who look at Animal House as how fraternities are supposed to behave.

19

You mean they don’t behave like that? Maybe I should have joined one, then.

And quite frankly, any sorority girls you wish to be rid of, send my way. Not that Ms. D_Odds would be understanding about an influx of 18-22 co-eds, but if I gotta die, that’s the way to go!

20

According to your profile, you’re 2 years older than the graduating girls. This puts you in a separate and superior category of humanity? You’ve still got plenty of growing up to do yourself, hon.

I don’t care for shallow people either, but I discover that on an individual basis, not based upon some cool slogan-like thinking. Shallow comes in guy form too. I know plenty of decent women who can’t stand arrogant, self-righteous guys either.