I pit the lack of mini-rants on the first page!

The BBQ Pit
81

Tonight on All Things Considered, they interviewed a guy working in a job center in Detroit. He was talking about how the auto workers used to be “the princes” of the community. Let me paraphrase as closely as possible: “These were the guys you wanted your daughter to bring home. If you were a brother, this is who you wanted to marry your sister.” And that was his entire description of how great these guys were: they were the ones other men would like to transfer ownership of their women to, evidently.

I know it’s not that big a deal (hence it’s here in minirants), but seriously dude, this is all you can come up with to illustrate how popular a certain segment of the population was? Did they get free coffee? Were they on the Board of Selectmen? Did they serve as role models for the high school kids? Something else that doesn’t involve one man approving of the other man schtupping his female relatives?

82

2 mini-rants today

Mini-Rant 1:
The subway pulls up to one of the busiest stations (Berri-UQAM) and about 3/4 or more of the people on the mildly crowded train stand up or shift to get ready to get off the train. A few people take a step towards the door, and those not getting off are alerted that people behind them intend to exit, and so they shift out of the way… all pretty normal.

EXCEPT

There was an older gentleman with a cane getting up from a seat and making his way to the post to hold onto it, and not one but two fucking moronic teenagers (well, probably 18-20 years old) push by him to get closer to the door first! I couldn’t believe their behaviour, and the gentleman just made eye contact with me and another passenger and shrugged, with a " what are you gonna do" attitude. So good for him for being laid back, but fuck the two snot-nosed assholes who were so fucking self important that they needed to shove an old man in order to get 1 foot closer to the door of a train that hadn’t even stopped yet!

I’m only 27, but kids these days! Sheesh!

Mini -Rant 2:

The crazy fucking bitch lady who works in the departmental office… I can’t even come up with a coherent rant about how much I loathe you and your self-important, arrogant, rude, condescending fucknugget attitude towards anyone and everyone you come in contact with. In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s your fucking job to help the students who come to you with questions regarding how to navigate through the undergrad curriculum they are attempting to do. When asked about whether advisors would be available to answer questions, the appropriate response is NOT to interrogate me about whether or not I’m smart enough to be an engineer (smarter than you, you fucking file jockey), why I’d want to bother applying for the program (seriously? because I fucking want to… if that’s not good enough, you can go choke on a camel) and comments that girls aren’t common in this program (right, because they all should be glorified secretaries, like you, huh?). Or when you announce to a meeting that you sent an email to everyone, but I didn’t receive it, the appropriate response is not to chew me out about not being responsible with my email, and requiring a 4 email back-and-forth before you admit that you didn’t add transfer students to your email list and actually send me the file in question! Or when I ask what I need to do to register for a course for which I have a credit equivalency on the prerequisite, the appropriate response is not to rant at me about how I should have magically known to email you and how, despite the fact that it’s a new policy and procedure, you don’t understand how all fucking students don’t already know it (Clue-by-4: it’s not our job to know the inner workings of the department. It’s yours. Bitch.) Oh, and ending every " informational" email you send out with statements like Is it CLEAR? I hope you understood this email because I DON’T WANT TO REPEAT IT" and “I TRUST you can all understand this” is just fucking rude, you crazy wackjob.

Arrggh. I haven’t met a single person who has ever had even a pleasant conversation with her, let alone gotten a useful answer to a question or any other interaction which didn’t involve her insulting them somehow. And she is the “face” of the department to undergraduates. Insane.

83

One of my professors has this, word for word, written on her syllabus. I bet you’d get along with her. :stuck_out_tongue:

And speaking of professors (that aren’t SpazCat)… Communications Professor, you are officially a Capital D Douche. I’ve been saying this ever since you told that one student, the intelligent and involved student who needed to leave class two minutes before it ended so he could go to work, that “Either your job isn’t right for you, or this class isn’t right for you.” But now you have truthfully earned your merit badge of Douchery.

You know that last assignment you just handed back to us, the persuasive essays on controversial topics? The one you wrote what were supposed to be helpful, revisionary comments on?

  1. Writing a purely opinionated and non-constructive statement is not helpful. “Actually, Americans rely too much on the opinions of experts” does NOT help me become a better writer.

  2. Writing exactly three words on another student’s paper, “Do over again,” also does NOT help that student know what you are expecting in the final draft.

You’re a douche. A mega-douche. A fine specimen of the douche of the species. That is all.

84

I’ve just moved to a very nice studio. I like the studio itself, I like the location, it’s a one-year lease.

I like the people I work with 99% of the time.

I know that living in Barcelona would mean having Mom on my shoulders way too much. Which sucks, because I love Barcelona minus my family.

So why am I feeling tempted to ask any of the 20 zillion agents who are calling about a project in Barcelona? What, just because I dislike the design on this one and the training we’re currently getting blows goats through a narrow straw? Someone come slap me, please :smack:

85

I probably would. If I ever teach again that sentence is going to be boldface centered on every single syllabus. For now I must field questions from students who don’t bother to listen to their professors and then freak out because they don’t understand what to do at the last minute for the Big Huge Final Project They’ve Known About All Semester.

Ah, the reference desk. A fun environment for the stupids.

86

Not to make light of how much you hate this bag, but you’re probably getting as good a side as she has. As an administrative professional, I have worked with this woman more than once (and she’s cost me more than one job), and she’s even worse to her female co-workers, all of whom are considered beneath her. Women like this have some kind of psychological problem that makes them miserable (I suspect it is Chronic Bitchitis), and they have to share it with everyone around them.

My mini-rant du jour; I’m looking for work again (after leaving my last job due to a woman who would NOT get out of my face), and the job ads are just plain nuts. “Wanted: Accounting Clerk to do every single thing we need done in the office, for $12 per hour. Must have accounting designation.” (I’m exaggerating a little, but that’s more or less the gist of them.) Bah.

87

Yahoo, your news really annoys me sometimes. I go to Yahoo first when I want to get a quick sense of what’s going on in the world, and sometimes a story headline will seem interesting to me. But why in the world do you make some of your stories exclusively video content? I’m at work, and not only do I not have speakers hooked up to my computer currently, but even when I did, I didn’t necessarily want to be seen sitting at my desk watching videos. Invariably, when this happens, I can go to Google’s news page and find the same story in a text format, which makes me wonder why I bother with your page at all.

So why don’t you offer a text-alternative, Yahoo? Why must you choose to massively suck instead?

88

Anything for you Nava, Slap!
Now, I’d really like it if you moved back to Barcelona, perferably to share an apartment wih your mom, because I think your stories are really funny. And if you were living with her I’d get a lot more of them. So you should think about it. And ask one of those agents if they’ve got a 5 year contract.

have I motivated you to unplug your phone yet?

89

I am in the car market. I search Craig’s list often for models within my price range. And I have one complaint.

If you planning to sell a car on Craig’s List and you are going to take a photo to post, would it kill you to **WASH THE DAMN THING FIRST??? **I’m looking at photos of cars that may not have been washed this year!

90

This is bullcrap. My doc kept after me about my blood pressure and migraines, and we monitored it all ever so carefully, before we decided I was OK and probably didn’t need meds. Then I stop going to school and start running and taking care of myself, and what happens? I start falling to pieces. And this happens 2 months after my insurance expires, of course. Fuck the little man in my skull with the icepick behind my right eyeball. He’s not supposed to come around this often.

91

I have no dress shoes suitable for dresses left, and I can’t buy any new ones because every shoe in all the stores has a five inch bunnykiller heel (no, wait, that’s not accurate - there are two pairs of silly ballet slippers with no heel at all). Blech. I’ll just wear my loafers as dress shoes until these ridiculous styles fades out. :mad:

92

I want to find the person who decided to scatter an entire folder full of letters that WERE carefully arranged in chronological order so that people can search through them easily. I want to go over to her house and scatter her stuff around willy-nilly. “Oh, but it’s all in the same room! What do you mean you can’t find xyz anymore? Gee, maybe you should LISTEN the next time someone tells you to keep all the papers in the exact order you found them in!”

I’m going to find the invisible “Stupid People Welcome Here” sign outside of this building and scrub it off.

93

After being threatened with losing my job for “not being a team player” (evidence: Apparently I don’t make eye contact when talking to people), it’s really steaming my wheaties to have a bitch in my own team playing the “But I don’t want to do this boring, tedious task that everyone in the team has to take turns doing at least once or twice a week”

Listen, cunt, none of us likes doing the mail. It takes up to an hour out of all of our times. And yes, you had to do the mail extra while I was away - WHEN MY HUSBAND WAS IN HOSPITAL ON DEATH’S DOOR. But you know what? I had to do extra mail shifts when you were off getting your wisdom teeth sorted out. And when you had more time off with a viral infection. And when you were seconded to another team, in the same area, where you could have still done your turns on the mail because you were little more than a glorified secretary and were telling us about all the free time you had all day… We all did. And not a one of us complained like you are now you stupid, snotty little whore.

Also, we all need time off over Christmas to relax and catch up with family. The rest of us volunteered to work days over Christmas because the centre director said we needed these days covered. If you had concrete plans, like a pre-booked trip or something, then fine. We would have worked around it. But when we’re all working out volunteer schedules between ourselves (as a team, no management coercion besides saying “someone” has to cover these days), don’t just turn around and say you want the whole time off because “I need to just relax”. We all do you retarded cum-dumpster!

94

I can’t believe I need to say this, but Boss, the question ‘did you get that thing from that lady?’ tells me exactly NOTHING. How about 'did you get my email about rep###‘s order?’ Which is admittedly still a slightly stupid question, because why the hell would I not have gotten the email, but at very least gives me enough info for me to answer. (The answer is usually, yes, I did it three hours ago and emailed it to you)

And your habit of emailing me a link, without telling me what the hell it’s FOR is fucking annoying, okay? Even worse is how you’ll send me two or three emails with links and I find out they’re all for the same label. You waste more time coming down to tell me what it’s for than it would to fucking TYPE IT! Oh, and telling me while I’m on my way out the door to class is extra stupid, because, like I’m going to remember two hours later!

The man owns several businesses and is a salesman, you’d think he’d be capable of communicating effectively.

95

Pardon me, but I must scream.

AN E-BOOK IS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING AS A PAPER BOOK ONLY THE E-BOOK ISN’T CHECKED OUT RIGHT NOW! STOP GIVING ME THE BUG EYES AND SAYING "BUT I NEED A BOOK FOR MY PAPER BECAUSE AN E-BOOK IS A MOTHERFUCKING BOOK!
Thank you. I shall provide aspirin to those that need it.

96

Dear Brother in Law.

You may think you are a liberal and know all, but you are a racist and sexist. STFU If I disagree with you doesn’t make me stupid so don’t imply that I am.

97

Dear sister,

Your dog is female. Your cat is male. I have no objection to calling each “it” if you simply can’t remember, but please pick one: he, she, or it! He, she, or it!

98

Rant the first:

Dearest brother of mine,

I know that you are suffering from the lack of a girlfriend at this time. This is, of course, your own fault, as you just can’t seem to break free of your rigorous daily schedule (go-to-work, go-to-the-gym, go-home) and actually, you know, go places where you might meet girls; and no, strip clubs don’t count. I know that you’re still hurting from the she-demon, but please don’t pretend you’re tough and cool and don’t need any “bitches” in your life, when it’s plain for anyone to see that you are, in fact, lonely.

In addition, I would greatly appreciate it if, when you are finished with the lube, you would put it away and not leave it right next to the computer. You know, the computer where I spend most of my waking hours? Love you though I do, I don’t need to know exactly what you’re doing.

Kthxbye.

Rant the second:

Dear hair,

We’ve got a good thing going, don’t you agree? I like you. You’re simple. You’re not like other hair. You don’t demand any fancy fruity-smelling ten-dollar-a-bottle shampoo; just wash, condition, blow dry, and comb, and hey-presto, it’s all good. You’re very pretty, but you don’t feel the need to be in my face all the time. You’re cool like that. I can tie you up and there you’ll sit, happy just to be on my head. I cherish you, I really do. But you’re killing me here. It’s been, what, 10 months that you’ve been falling out on me? 10 months. 10 months of finding loose hairs on everything I own: my pillow, my clothes, my books. Why, I can simply pull loose hairs out of my head like the pacifier from a sleeping baby: no resistance, no pain. I hardly even notice that it’s gone until I see hairs all over my shoulders. I am tired of this. Why can’t you hold onto my hairs already? Why don’t you put up a fight when my treacherous hairs decide to abandon ship, so to speak? Goddammit, we’ve been together too long for this to happen. Once so thick and shiny, you’ve been reduced to a lackluster mess. Hell, in the last 10 minutes, I’ve lost five hairs. Five. I didn’t pull them, they simply fell out of my head. Get it together, man. I know we can do this. This can’t be the end of us; we’ve come too far. I’m willing to fight, if you’re willing to hold on.

99

My roommate seems to think that the garbage can in the kitchen is an ashtray. He smokes outside, but deposits the butts into the garbage inside. Now our kitchen stinks (he probably can’t smell it).

Now I have to ask him to knock it off and even though he is a laid-back no drama kind of guy, I’m a bit nervous because I don’t like confronting or criticizing people.

Foo.

100

Wow, we share the same brother-in-law.