Leggings are not pants, goddamn it! If you’re wearing them under a skirt or something, fine, great. If you are wearing them with a t-shirt, that’s not okay. If you’re wearing them with a t-shirt, and they’re neon blue, and you’re so fat that you literally take up two full seats on the bus, you are not doing anyone any favors. Seriously. Please, treat yourself to some nice slacks from Lane Bryant or something, because you’ll look much better and I won’t have to see the vivid outline of your size 60 panties.
I’m sure there must be an argument for compulsory burkha wearing! Come on Dopers, you’re slacking here.
Dang. I think I’m going to go give my girlfriend a hug and apologize for that stupid thing we got in an argument last night. Damn, there are some batshit crazy mofos out there. Screwed the door shut? :eek: WTF?
jujuju, I’m glad you’re rid of the psycho but when “everyone i know and my whole family tell me to get the hell away from you” you should heed their advice.
Oh and you loud talkers: shut the fuck up already. Nobody cares that you and your boyfriend are having problems with a LTR and that Brenda is being a bitch and blah blah blah. No one is saying you can’t talk on the bus but jeezebus, if I can hear you ten rows away over my headphones you are TOO FUCKING LOUD.
Turn on your fucking headlights if it’s foggy! I know it’s not normal to have fog quite that dense out here, but it does happen from time to time, and it’s just common sense!
I could see every other car coming before I made my right turn because THEY HAD THEIR FUCKING LIGHTS ON! The fact that you nearly hit me and then seemed annoyed by it only made you look like more of an asshole. I guess the fact that you turned your lights on a mile later means that there’s some hope for you yet, but you’re still an ass.
This probably belongs in a “commercials we hate” thread, but since there isn’t one on any first page today, it goes here. 
I can’t say that I mind Christmas ads (yet), because I am usually able to tune them out. But these two just make me want to stomp on poor, innocent creatures:
Lowe’s–“Let’s Holiday” WTF? Since when is holiday a verb? I loathe you for trying to make it so, and I loathe the fact that 5 years from now (if not sooner–like tomorrow) SD members who I respect and admire will argue that “to holiday” must be accepted because it has come into common usage. Or who will point out to me via cites and other crap like that, that “to holiday” is a perfectly respectable and historical usage. I will still hate it.
Garmin–Yes, I know that traditional Christmas songs have long been hijacked into use for commercial advertising. But your bastardization of “Carol of the Bells” to guilt people into buying your GPS in order to survive the holiday season was my tipping point. Instead of rushing out to “give a–give a–give a–give a Garmin” I will be staying home, not lost, making cookies and chocolates for the people I love. I actually ought to thank you for pushing me to the point of disavowal of the “BUY STUFF” holiday mentality. It happened two years ago when I first saw your ad, and I haven’t gone back.
I don’t know the commercial, so I don’t know the context, but to holiday is to take a vacation.
“Religious persecution?!” Fuck you.
Yes, I blocked that website you like. I also blocked more than a hundred of the most common streaming media sites. For everybody.
Look, I told you why we can’t have stream audio and video - it saturates our limited bandwidth and interferes with other users’ ability to use VPN and RDP for work. And, as I told you, last month we payed more than $800 in bandwidth overage charges. I told you four times. The last time I told you was Thursday night, fifteen minutes before the office closed, and you were in my office the next morning at 8:30 sharp to ask my if I blocked your fucking site. That means fifteen full minutes of clock time passed between you saying you would behave and then breaking your word.
Now you are claiming that your rights are being violated because you use www.eastafricantube.com for “prayer time.” Look, you stupid cunt, I have the traffic logs – your bandwidth hogging doesn’t conform to “prayer time,” and it’s clear that the site is not religious. Even if it was, who cares? The company isn’t required to be out of pocket for your prayers. Do you really think that will fly, you cunt? It’s your (and a half-dozen other selfish morons’) fault that the days of unfettered access are at an end. You suck. Fuck you.
“Religious persecution?!” Fuck you.
Yes, I blocked that website you like. I also blocked more than a hundred of the most common streaming media sites. For everybody.
Look, I told you why we can’t have stream audio and video - it saturates our limited bandwidth and interferes with other users’ ability to use VPN and RDP for work. And, as I told you, last month we payed more than $800 in bandwidth overage charges. I told you four times. The last time I told you was Thursday night, fifteen minutes before the office closed, and you were in my office the next morning at 8:30 sharp to ask my if I blocked your fucking site. That means fifteen full minutes of clock time passed between you saying you would behave and then breaking your word.
Now you are claiming that your rights are being violated because you use www.eastafricantube.com for “prayer time.” Look, you stupid cunt, I have the traffic logs – your bandwidth hogging doesn’t conform to “prayer time,” and it’s clear that the site is not religious - unless that “Make Your Ass Clap!” video brings you closer to God. Even if it did, who cares? The company isn’t required to be out of pocket for your prayers. Do you really think that will fly, you cunt? It’s your (and a half-dozen other selfish morons’) fault that the days of unfettered access are at an end. You suck. Fuck you.
Hmm, I think I like the second one better - “Make your ass clap” sounds kind of cool.
And how does clicking on the “edit” button create a double-post, for fuck’s sake?!
Aw, crap, I hit the ‘back’ button by mistake.
Stupid boom that brought 200,000 extra people to Calgary. They are majorly interfering with my life, making everything difficult. Bleah.
A mistake on my annual retirement statement.* I called; yes, it’s wrong; yes, they have the correct information in the system. Cool. Could I get a corrected statement just for my records?
“No. The information will be corrected on next year’s annual statement.”
The phone drone proceeded to slowly walk me through the concept of an annual statement (“only once a year” — thanks, Einstein, I knew that), while I vainly tried to suggest that sending out incorrect information is not only pointless, but counterproductive.
Since this was going nowhere, I suggested that they hand-craft a letter attesting to the correct information, and I could staple it myself. This, which seems like a lot more work to me, they were happy to do. Why they couldn’t think of that on their own…
*For those who are desperately curious, the mistake was that I was listed as not currently employed and not contributing to the retirement and not eligible to collect any of the money upon retirement. The facts are that I am currently employed and am contributing and am eligible.
Just a minor error! I don’t know what you’re so worked up about, you non-person!
Dr. Drake has become Doc Daneeka.
Look, I don’t care what you think, but ‘opknussen’ is not a proper Dutch word, and if I have any say in this (oh, to be Empress of the World!) it never ever will be. You can’t make a verb out of an adverb. No, really. Take a hike, Ikea.
‘Knus’ means something like ‘cosy’. So ‘opknussen’ would mean ‘cosying up’. Honestly, that doesn’t fly in Dutch. I twitch every time I hear it.
To my “helpful” relations who have warned me not to gain too much weight during my pregnancy: go piss up a rope. I didn’t gain too much last time, I haven’t gained too much so far this go-round. Mind your own fucking business. And pass the ice cream.
To my husband’s boss:
I am NOT interested in reading the racist garbage crap emails you send. I am especially not interested to read “The Night Before Crizmus”. Fer cryin’ out loud, it sounds like a bunch of drunk fifth-graders wrote it. Grow up, will ya? This shit ain’t funny, it’s lame, obnoxious, and offensive.
Also, you cross-eyed carnival weasel, you can get in serious trouble sending this shite from your City email address… AND if you’re sending it to my husband at HIS city email address, HE can get in deep shit too.
Knock it off, jackass!
Nice job on the upgrade on this board.
What the fuck is wrong now?
Creative Loafing has exceeded its scotch tape budget for the month again, it appears. Maybe they need to go bankrupt another local weekly and raid their supply cabinet.
So I went down to my office building’s cafeteria to get some biscuits and gravy. I always have the lady behind the counter dice up a couple of sausage patties and add them in, because let’s face it – that white goo they serve in restaurants is NOT actually gravy. If it wasn’t made in the same pan where you fried some sausage patties, and therefore is white instead of murky tan with bits, what you have there is a pan full of bukkake movie special effects.
Today, the lady behind the counter said warningly, “Honey, this is turkey sausage – I don’t have any of the other kind today.”
I replied, “Hey, it’s better than nothing – go ahead.”
WHY WHY WHY didn’t I listen to her? Because you know what’s better than nothing? NOT turkey sausage, that’s for sure. This stuff is making my teeth bounce. And it doesn’t have any seasoning.
There’s a lot of good stuff to eat in this great nation of ours. There’s even a lot of pretty darn good fake stuff to eat. So why is it that with all our evil technology, nobody has yet been able to make chicken or turkey sausage that doesn’t suck? I’ve tried many, and NONE of them have anything close to acceptable texture.
Put another way: If we can send a man to the moon, why can’t we send all this nasty-ass poultry sausage there?
I swear, if I wasn’t going to have to wait two hours longer than usual to have lunch today, I would have tossed it out.