There is a joke in here somewhere.
Humor.
It is a difficult concept.
:dubious:
Perhaps you were joking, but actually funeral homes make bank on “repeat” business. Many families will use the same funeral home for all their dead. If Grampa dies and the funeral home does a good job, the home may find that the family decides to also use their services for Grandma, great uncle Jimmy, etc…
Indeed, I believe the used car…er, funeral home Mother specified was used for my Father, I was somewhat pissed and confused at the time. 
Anyway, it’s a damn funny joke. Lighten up. If I can, anyone can.
A story from my mother as they were planing her brother’s funeral…
They got to the point of picking out a casket, and the funeral home salesdroid was extoling the virtues of various caskets thusly:
salesdroid: This one has a drawer to hold any special posessions the deceased may have cherished…
Mom: Why? He’s dead, what does he care? Why do we care?
salesdroid: Ok, well this one here has a triple-seal lining and comes with a seven-year warranty…
Non-deceased uncle: A seven-year warranty? What the hell good does that do us?
Mom: You realize that we’re cremating the body, along with the casket, after the funeral, so in that case do we get to make the warranty claim for a destroyed casket?
salesdroid: Ummm…
a bit later…
salesdroid: Well, you have your choice of urns for the ashes… which would you prefer?
Mom: The cheapest one is $300? Why?
Non-deceased uncle: It looks like it’s made out of PVC material. Why don’t I just go down to the hardware store, buy a small section of 4-inch PVC and a couple of end caps for $15 and we’ll call it good?
Luckily, my father’s parents had all their arrangements made, and paid for, several years before their deaths. So when they passed away, basically all dad had to do was call up the funeral director, and everything was taken care of for us.
Loss and grief are difficult enough, without some grim-reaper Herb Tarleck trying to pull one over. My deepest sympathies for having this worry on top of everything else. But not all funeral directors are like that.
My family has used the same funeral home for two generations. In a small town, you’d figure he’d charge up the wazoo since he’s got business in those parts locked up. But a kinder, more sensitive person you’d never want to meet. No trying to upsell to a more expensive casket (he wasn’t even in the room when we were looking at the choices – we came out and said “we’ll take that one”), told us what was required by state law, and was supportive of all of our choices, even if they didn’t put money in his pocket. He agreed to drive the procession past the farm my mother lived on for 20+ years with no mileage upcharges – and it was in the opposite directiion of the cemetery. A “last look” if you will. Not a dry eye, I tell ya. He also buried my father a year and a half later (Dad was one of his poker buddies) and the cost was very reasonable for the service we got.
I know funeral directors who are genuinely caring and work with families to lower the cost of funerals whenever they can. And the last time I looked into it, a basic cremation around these parts was about 800 bux, without the urn. YMMV
Like most things, it is best to shop around. Although it is really the last fucking you would want to do in this situation we ended up doing this for my brother back in 99. We saved several thousand dollars. Now the little ‘chapel’ wasn’t as nice but the people were and they did a good job on Tom. I’m sure Tom would have liked it. He wasn’t for the fancy schmancy stuff.
That’s very true. I’ve lost count of the number of funerals I’ve attended at the Bekavac parlor in Clairton, PA.
not making sarcastic remarks to people who are sincere when they tell you that they are sorry for your loss will improve your karma immensely.
honestly, i don’t know why you feel things were not explained to our customers.
people would not have come back generation after generation if they felt they were being ripped off or treated badly.
My parents have both prepaid their funeral. I’d like to get my in-laws to do the same, but they’re more afraid of dying (and forward planning is not one of their strong suits - actually, when I find one of their stong suits, I’ll have to post it). It’s a lot easier to get what you want at a fair price when you are not overwhelmed with grief and under a tight deadline.
that’s exactly right.
funerals, like weddings, are mostly ceremonial and you should make sure it fits both lifestyle and budget.
an actual wedding or direct remains disposal is not very expensive at all.
for instance, if i were getting marrried, the only really necessary things would be a blood test, a license, and someone to perform the ceremony. that could be accomplished quite cheaply.
same thing with direct remains disposal. if you get only what is required by law and skip the expensive ceremonial aspects, it can also be accomplished quite cheaply.
but most people don’t want that. they feel that direct remains disposal will make them appear cheap or uncaring. many people think the amount spent on a funeral is a direct reflection of their love for the deceased. they worry about how inexpensive options will look to others. some people get really angry when presented with the less expensive options.
people also like to have someone to blame for their or their loved ones lack of financial planning or forethought. all of a sudden it’s the funeral directors fault for charging for his or her services and for running a legitimate business that meets a legitimate need.
there is a reality program on a & e called “family plots” that shows the inner workings of a funeral home and the family who runs it. i think it airs on sunday nights. i have seen a few episodes, and it seems to be a fair representation of the type of people who are in the industry. watching an episode or two would really let you (the collective you, not you personally) see what it is like from the other side of the desk.
Here’s one for you.
My dad died right before the Labor Day weekend & was buried immediately after in NC (his home state).
We had no visitation; just a simple graveside service. We paid for a marquee as it was extremely hot that time of year. Not a problem; the marquee was provided as well as a cooler full of cold bottled water. What a nice gesture, we thought. Heh - until we got a bill for $200 for the bottled water.
Unbelieveable.
VCNJ~
All you people who are complaining about the costs and inconveniences of past funerals:
You all have YOUR OWN funeral (or whatever) planned, right?
If not, why not? Not enough time? Then why are you wasting time on the Dope?
One of the kindest things you can do for whoever you leave behind is relieve them of having to stew over what you’d want. At the very least, write out what you do and don’t want, make multiple copies, and give one to everyone who might be the one to have to carry things out. This will go a long way towards relieving your heirs of having to shell out for upgraded services for fear of seeming cheap or disrespectful: they can always wave around your letter with mutterings of “I would have gotten the solid gold casket but Dave insisted he wanted a plain pine box.”
My mother has done this, going over with me what she wants done. As in, have her body go straight from the hospital/home to the crematorium, have the ashes in whatever the cheapest option offered is, and then scatter them as [location withheld, because I think it may have to be done clandestinly.] No viewing, no funeral as such, just a memorial service at her chuch with certain favorite hymns to be played. I think the push for her doing this was realizing months later how many thousands she’d spent on my fathers funeral, and how he – a plain living, frugal man – would have been horrified about it.
True. In my case, it pretty much boils down to printing a dozen copies of “It is only an empty shell now – please treat it as such”.
For future reference, the Anatomical Gift Society is the place you want to do your donations. They are thrilled to get real bodies and use them at universities to train doctors and other scientists. They are very respectful of the remains and the survivor’s feelings. And it’s free except for the handling charges from the mortuary. There’s no getting around the transportation cost. And possibly some storage.
Good thread… Now can anyone figure out what Mrs. Stone and I should do? (No we’re not dead yet, but we’ve talked about it and realise we have differnt thoughts about it.)
I want it as simple and cheap as possible. A cardboard box and a bonfire would do it for me (if it were legal).
Mrs. Stone has an attachment to her body, even after she’s done using it and want’s a full embalming, casket, and funeral complete with plot of land and stone marker.
She thinks I’m being disrespectful of my body, and I think she’s wasting money.*
So we both think that if we are the one to go first, the other is going to have a devil of a time bringing themself to carry out the others request.
- The funny thing is that she is, in always other ways, much more frugal than I am!
I am sorry you are having all this trouble.
I think you are thinking about this wrong though. Don’t look at it as $310 = $25.83 per mile. You’re not engaging a taxi service. They are picking up a body - the body of someone in your family. Can you get a friend to transport the flowers and have people just drive themselves rather than paying for a flower vehicle?
An Honor Guard gets tipped? Wow, I wouldn’t have thought members of the Armed Forces are allowed to accept tips for funerals. But even so, if you tell them plainly that you can’t afford it, would any of them really refuse to participate? Could you let the in-charge person know that coming up with a tip would be very difficult, and could he see if any servicepeople would be willing to serve even if they know they won’t be tipped?
Am I correct that if you don’t have a viewing then you won’t have to rent a casket? If it’s a financial hardship, then don’t have a viewing. Nobody is going to consider you a bad person if you don’t. Is it not possible to have a service without the body being present?
I don’t know where you live but around here $50 is about average for a haircut. I am sure most hairdressers would charge extra for coming to my location and working on a dead body rather than a live person. Would you be able to tell the funeral home you don’t want the deceased’s hair done and save the $50?
Ask for the ashes in a cardboard box and then buy your own urn. Many homes offer a selection anyway; do they all cost $325?
I am sure it’s a shock to have a bill presented at a troubling time. I myself don’t think some of those charges are all that outrageous. Would you be willing to post what you think fair prices would be?
Again, I am sure it is very stressful dealing with this. My condolences for your loss.
missbunny, nice post.
Some of you with such suspicions about the business may also want to read Thomas Lynch. He has some thoughtful essays on it.
It’s terrible to feel ripped off when you are already grieving. It’s preferable to work with a funeral home who has options that fit into your budget or what you feel “should” be spent. It’s unfortunate that the OP doesn’t have that option (maybe these places are too few and far between). I do think it’s important to recall that the funeral industry is that, an industry. There are honorable, compassionate people in the field, providing services that many people are squeamish about in this day and age. More importantly, like any business they deserve to be paid for their services and to earn enough profit to pay for their overhead and their expertise. Our grief at the time, keen though it is, doesn’t change that. Unlike an airline, for example, who can cut you a break when you’ve experienced a personal loss, a funeral director cannot–his business IS your loss.
State laws and regulations can make all of this feel worse, because you may feel you don’t really have all the options you deserve in handling burial. It also may impose a timeline that makes it hard to locate a funeral home you feel comfortable with. Suckage all around.
I agree with those who say “plan ahead” if you can. You will spare your family having to make these decisions (some of them painfully expensive in addition to being painful emotionally).
I’ve had a bad experience with a funeral home…Made three trips with KevMom and KevSister to pick up dad’s ashes. What the fuck is so hard about either firing up the incinerator when they said they would OR, picking up the damned phone and and tell the family to hold off for a bit while you get the gas bill current?
We did call before making the third trip…I had assumed after the first red faced oppology (which we had to wait a half hour for the correct person to deliver) that there was no way they’d fuck up the second time.
OTOH, and going rate for pipers at a funeral gig IS $150-200 for one location (memorial service and graveside both would be extra). Policeman, Fireman, or Military killed on duty would often be “The normal fee is $200, but whatever you can afford will be fine, even if it is nothing” To avoid hijacking the thread, I’ll post a breakdown on why I think this a reasonable figure in MPSIMS.
When my maternal grandfather died the funeral home didn’t make arrangements to pay the gravediggers :eek: ! We didn’t know until after the cemetary service and they demanded that my mother pay them in cash before they would close the grave 
! Thankfully my father :mad: had already left for the church the dinner or I probally would have ended up spending my teen yrs visting him the the state prision!