I Pit Tourist Businesses W/O Public Bathrooms

The BBQ Pit
1

You expect me to spend my cash in your fucking place? Let a motherfucker take a shit. Not after I’ve made a purchase, I’ve gotta go now! As in: IT’S ALMOST RUNNING DOWN MY LEG! I’ll be back to buy one or two of your worthless trinkets out of sheer gratitude. In the touristy areas surrounding my environs, you can’t use the shitter unless you’ve spent money. Too bad that the nearest public shitter is in town, 20+ miles away.

I Pit you, Amish country, (not your religion, just your tourist-trap) and all of your inbred cousins that promise a nice family day-trip, only to deliver an assrape. By the way, has your clan ever heard of bathing? Jesus Christ, you smell like a geriatric unscrubbed cuntcrack recently violated by a rotting corpse’s syphilitic cock last used to polish the rectums of roadkill. I’m hoping that roadkill doesn’t sue me for defamation of character, because who the fucking shitfuck would admit to getting pounded up the ass like happens to you nightly, and not file a lawsuit?

If I ever see one of your skank offspring on that rumspringa deal you’re so fucking wound up about, I’ll be sure to avoid that free pussy like the disease it is.

Gas stations, bait shops and convenience stores along the way, you can kiss my hairy balls too. It puts a spring in my step and a song in my heart knowing you’ll never get another cent from me. I need you like I need a prolonged bout of mutual felching with a non-bathing European (pardon my redundancy).

-brownsfan

2

I find your name ironic.

3

Weren’t there any outhouses around?

4

It’s funny that the google Ad is for a Katrina donation site because when I opened this I was expecting to read about a trip to New Orleans. I once wound up in the middle of a gay orgy just looking for a restroom, this after having already stood in line to piss through the iron bars onto the back lawn of St. Louis Cathedral (which I hated to do but I was desperate). I finally paid to use the one at a porn shop- best $4 I ever spent and the proprietor said they earned thousands of dollars from it during Mardi Gras.

That said, I love Amish Country. I don’t think the girls are allowed to go quite as wild during Rumspringa, though- just the boys.

5

Dude, if you can swear like a sailor, you should be ready to do some public shitting to back it up with. Hit one of those convenience stores, buy a roll of TP from them, and then hang off the edge of their loading dock. Works like a charm.