I read this mentally hearing it with the Budweiser Real Men of Genius voice.
I’m a semi-nudist. In the privacy of my own house, if it’s warm enough, I prefer to wear just a pair of panties. However, I will throw on a housedress before I answer the door*. If I’m expecting a pizza delivery, then I put on clothes right after I call it in. And I prefer not to stink at any time, so I take steps to prevent this. You know, like getting into the shower regularly.
*Well, unless I can see that a bunch of god-botherers are at the door. Or unless it’s my crazy neighbor who likes to bang on the door at 7 AM to complain about us not manicuring our lawn to her satisfaction, when she knows that we work the swing shift and would like to be able to sleep later. These people are just going to get an eyeful of me in my panties. Apparently, it scars them for life.
I did pretty well at the other store. If I came in early, around 3pm, and worked past closing time, left at 2am, I’d go home with 100 bucks cash plus the full minimum wage. A good haul for 11 hours of hard work.
This area renders such a haul impossible, and of course, the wage is cut by half due to that brilliant move by the big chains to save money, and watch all the experienced drivers flee.
Our business, in spite of the horrid area and lack of experienced staff, is growing rapidly.
We can’t keep drivers due to the above mentioned situations, but the folks that do stay are full of piss and vinegar. We would average 1800 on a monday in 2011, we went to 2500 on a monday in 2012, and we’re doing crazy numbers now. 3500 on a monday is the norm. Tax time, but still… not first of the month or anything. A regular monday.
Fridays were 4000, then 5000, and now we regularly do 6000. That’s massive growth. Because I work nights, I deal with 75% of the actual sales and business per day, and I work through the entire dinner rush every time I work. A lot of those days, I work without a cook, or a cut table person, or I’m missing several drivers or a CSR. Staffing is the big issue at our store. So like I said, the difficulty of the job is very high. We’re not losing any business during these tough times, we’re gaining it. That takes at least some dedication from someone. I can’t claim all the credit, we have some good people working with us, above and below me. But I’m usually on watch during the biggest and busiest sales days.
We’re also really good at weeding out the crap. We’ve fired several CSR’s for various forms of theft, such as cashing out orders and pretending the customer never came to pick it up. We’ve fired several drivers for writing in fraudulent tips (credit card fraud, serious offense!) and trashed the folks that came to work trashed. That’s one of the reasons we have staffing issues… the hiring pool is full of jerkasses. The other reason is because our franchise owners and the corporation at large doesn’t want to pay people properly.
As one business manager to another, I know for a fact they can afford it. For one, their business ran just fine when they paid everyone the full minimum wage. They did well, and even expanded rapidly, and sales increased. And sales have been going up during this recession, not down. So nobody can tell me the money isn’t there.
Furthermore, fewer and less experienced drivers means that we cannot perform more than a certain number of deliveries per hour, and above that, pizzas go out late and are then discounted or free, or remakes are made. That costs the company hundreds of real dollars of profit per day. And it’s unavoidable, because the higher-ups insist on taking the orders even when we’re backed up and delivery times are over 90 minutes. We should not do that, that’s when we start burning fumes and sending out drivers to deliver freebies, or worse, sending out drivers to deliver pizzas to customers who then call back and want their pizza remade because it is cold, compounding the problem by adding more orders on top of our already backed up queue.
Very clearly, you add more workers to that equation. And if you’re having trouble keeping people, you give a raise to the folks who perform well, as opposed to losing them entirely.
I would rather pay a worker 40 bucks to satisfy my customers than give away 40 dollars worth of pizza, now wouldn’t you?
Can I get an amen on that? People need jobs, and they need jobs that pay well. Here I am in a situation where my business is BLEEDING money and leaving customers dissatisfied when you could actually take the money you’re losing on freebies and remakes and… pay people enough, and pay enough people. Then you get 100% on time service and happy customers. Then the business grows even more.
Simple shit. I’m not in charge though, I don’t make the hiring and wage decisions. I’m assistant only.
This is because there is a very real chance of some asshole hitting my car while I’m driving. Everyone jaywalks in my area, and they don’t always do it on foot. Mopeds and bicycles and so on, disobeying traffic laws, not wearing reflective clothing, darting out from behind blind corners. I have been fortunate not to hit anyone, but some buggers with a death wish REALLY REALLY want to die and have thrown themselves in front of my car only to be saved by my reflexes and brakes. And then you have the dipshit text drivers and drunks and druggies.
I absolutely have to not lie to my insurance company. I cannot afford an accident and I do not want them to be able to get out of paying for an accident which will occur eventually. That is why I pay the full amount. I also shouldn’t have to commit fraud to earn a living, I’m sorry.
I know I could save money by lying. In the short term. But then I’m paying money to an insurance company while being uninsured when it comes to an accident situation. If I’m going to be uninsured, I’m putting that money in my bank account, not giving it to State Farm. But it’s illegal to drive without it, so if I have to have it, I’m getting the one that covers me in an accident.
I lol’ed.
Agreed.
There are white folks in my neighborhood and they are no better. Sorry. All of the above OP rant was not specifically racial for a reason… the same stereotypical dumb shit black folks do is stuff everyone does in this neighborhood.
It’s not a function of race, it’s a function of poor and stupid. That crosses racial lines rather fluidly. And I’m rooting for the decent folks to get out of these places and get better jobs and homes and not live like this. A lot of this misery is self-inflicted.
It’s tough to tell you with a straight face to pay the delivery man a percentage. I personally don’t agree with it, because it ends up being unfair on one end, and then unfair on the other end as well.
You can skip to the bottom line if you don’t feel like reading my reasoning.
A percentage shouldn’t apply in my world, because it costs me the same amount in gas and effort to deliver 10 dollars worth of pizza or 70 dollars worth of pizza. It only becomes a real hassle when I have to make a second trip to my car, or the order is so large it requires several drivers being dispatched as the pizzas are being made.
Speaking from the driver’s perspective, of course, we’d LOVE to earn a percentage. But I’m not going to tell you with a straight face that’s what I deserve from every run.
If my customers paid me 20 percent, I’d earn 200 dollars a night. While that’s great, that’s what my boss the restaurant general manager earns. I’m not going to tell you not to tip that amount if you want, but I’m also not going to tell the world that this is what I need to earn.
I NEED to earn 2 dollars on every delivery, minimum. That’s the non-negotiable bare minimum wage I need to earn in order to pay my bills every month, and that’s also after expenses. So the delivery fee isn’t part of that.
Ergo, I request that no matter who you are, or how much you’ve ordered, or how much you make, you please do me the courtesy of promising to do the following:
-
If you want pizza delivered, ensure you have two bucks for the pizza man first. Not after the fact, do it before you place the order.
-
If you don’t want to pay that amount, please go get the food yourself, or ask a friend to split the bill with you and share.
Cheapskates, this means you: Please don’t bother me with your sob stories about how little money you have, while spending 20+ dollars on one meal. I cannot afford that, therefore your sob stories mean nothing to me. You obviously can afford the tip if you’re blowing 15-20 bucks on one meal. And that’s per person! Don’t ever give me that crap, please. I will laugh in your face, but I’ll be pissed that you tried to insult my intellect that way, so it will be a very sarcastic, angry laugh. Do not complain about how little you have when it’s a lot more than I have, that’s the first rule of capitalism. It’s why Republicans lose elections in a centrist/conservative country. Senators and Congressmen complaining that $200,000 dollars isn’t enough to feed their family? Fuck off with that noise.
Now, with that having been said, you know as well as I do that everyone is not going to get with the program and tip the minimum.
So, you’re one of those nice people, and you’ve got a driver who is clearly earning his keep, and giving you great service, give him some extra.
The extra is up to you. I’m not about to impose some ridiculous guideline here. What is it worth to you, sir or madam?
After that 2 buck minimum, each additional dollar is like an additional star in a hotel rating to me. You tip 3 bucks, you’re a 2 star hotel. Comfy, but not outstanding. You tip 4 bucks, you’re a 3 star hotel. Definitely worth staying in. You tip 5 bucks, you’re a 4 star hotel. You’re what I dream of when I want to go on vacation, and folks like you? Hell, you help me afford one. You tip more than 5 bucks and you’re 5 stars, baby.
If you want to think of it as a percentage, which, I don’t, but here it goes.
Minimum: $2 tip. No percentage.
Decent tip: $2 tip plus 10 percent.
That amounts to 3 dollars total for the tip on the minimum 10 dollar order. 2 dollars plus 1 dollar. See? 3 dollars is not an outrageously expensive ask. It is still much cheaper than the taxi ride would be.
If you ordered 20 dollars worth of food, by that metric, you gave me a 4 dollar tip. 30 dollars or more, you could give me a 5 dollar tip. I can live on this amount of money, and this is middle-lower class dollar amounts we’re talking here. It’s easily affordable if you’re spending the 20, 30 dollars on the meal as it is.
If you’re on a budget, okay, go ahead and tip me the bare minimum 2 dollars. I won’t be offended. Trust me, it’s more than half my customers give.
BOTTOM LINE: 2 dollar minimum, the rest is up to you.
[SPOILER]Where that 2 dollars comes from, I’ve explained before in this thread- the 200 dollar a month insurance cost, tires, oil changes, wear and tear on the vehicle, rent, food, etc. After only 4 bucks an hour I earn in wages, I need that 2 dollars. 1 dollar would cover it maybe, but some folks won’t tip, so it needs to be 2.
We’re talking two dollars here. I know this breaks nobody’s bank. And I promise you, if you ask around, you’ll find some greedy fucks asking for more, and to be honest, I don’t blame em.
But I’m being real here. That’s the acceptable minimum. A dollar doesn’t even buy you a soda at the vending machine anymore, so let’s both of us be real. I’m being real with you- the lowest you want to tip is two. I deserve more but two is fine. I’ll live.[/SPOILER]
I don’t really mind you, madam. The point being, what did you do when you’re expecting the pizza guy? You put on clothes. That means you’re not intentionally disrespecting me or yourself.
Frankly, I don’t wear clothes at home. And freakishly enough, because I love pizza so damned much, I even order pizza on my off days from time to time. I will dress to get the door.
That means a shirt, ladies and gentleman. I would rather see pit stains than actual pits, is all I am saying. It means wearing your pants above your crotch and ass.
I am not expecting a tux. Just decency for the business transaction about to commence.
Truth be told, if you’re hot, I wouldn’t particularly mind to see a naked woman, but… I might have a girlfriend and suddenly, I’d feel guilty and I don’t need that either. I know the stereotype is we’re all horn dogs who want to see naked women, and I do, but not if I’m with someone else. That’s temptation I don’t need or want. The internet is for porn, I don’t really want it at work.
Addendum to the percentages post:
If you’re a business or a party ordering more than 100 dollars worth of food, this is the exception: The time and effort and prep work it takes to get you your order is now actually worth a percentage. Please tip 10 percent minimum on any order over 100 dollars.
I’ll be sharing that tip with the cook and cut table person who busted their ass for your order. I’m not greedy.
Yeah, you just need to put whatever effort is being expended on writing these posts into finding another job in a more profitable industry. That’s the long and the short of it.
Can’t make enough money? Do something else. You can’t expect your customers to pay you fairly. You can’t expect your boss to pay you fairly. The money you earn is entirely a function of your own ability to earn it. It may take a long time of not earning very much to get to a position where you earn decent bank, but if you keep at it, it will work out. The problems begin when people begin citing non-problems as a barrier to earning more money. This isn’t directed straight at you PizzaGuy, but I really have to wonder why someone with your communication skills even needs to be making an OP like this.
“I live in a poor area”. Then move, it’s not like you’re going to be worse off. Unless you’re tied to kids, or literally prohibited from moving, then you do have the means. Cite? Hobos do it all the time. Difference is, they don’t re-enter society as a normal working person once they reach their destination. You, with all that piss and vinegar, and access to the internet and a working car, can do much better. Shit I did it after my dad died and I had nowhere to live at 19. Friends couches, new apartment in a less-than-shit-town, whatever it takes.
“I have no work skills other than this industry”. Then make an effort to learn something else. Nobody will give you these things. Plenty of what works in one industry works in another.
“My industry is unfair”. Then fuck that industry. Move on. You have the brains and the drive (maybe you don’t…) and if you don’t take advantage of them, shame on you. Seriously, if they’re stacking the cards against you, you always have the option of stepping out from behind the stack of cards. Just because unemployment numbers are high doesn’t mean there aren’t jobs around. The people unemployed are the useless sacks of shit you’re delivering pizza to. I can’t find people to staff my industry to save MY LIFE, and we pay around $65-$75 THOUSAND dollars a year, with a company truck.
Disclaimer: I used to deliver pizzas, as a second job. I earned $7 an hour, and made anywhere from $60-$120 a night in tips. 7 hour shift. My record was 23 deliveries, and I earned over $170 that night. The owner paid the hourly wage in cash, and we kept the entire $1 delivery charge. Yep, it was bawss. The poor shmucks at the Domino’s in the same strip mall made much less than half that. So maybe blowing off that whole “big chain” thing is your first step? Find yourself a Catholic-guilt-ridden Italian pizza store owner and make friends 
No offense, but this is the bullshit response of someone who believes every problem can be solved with two seconds of their genius thought.
Read this thread: not everyone can be a manager. I’ve said that before.
Not everyone can be a movie star. Not everyone can work for the NBA. Not everyone can be a doctor. Someone in our society is going to be scrubbing the toilets and cleaning the dishes and serving the pizzas.
Asking for common decency directed towards these folks, plus a living wage, is not an outrageously foolish request. It’s how society changes for the better.
You think I give a crap about money? I’m in this for the challenge. I thrive on being challenged by problems. I thrive on solving them. But you know what? I would fucking hate being a politician. I don’t have the stomach to be a doctor. I have a soul, so I can’t be a bloodsucking lawyer. I also don’t have the funds or the inclination to go back to school at my age. So I’m going to do what is available. And as mentioned, I’m afraid not everyone can be a manager. Your simple no-thought solution to my issue does nothing for the millions of other bottom-rung people in our society whose only crime is not being born with a silver spoon in their ass, and they want to work for a living, not live to work.
If you cared to read the OP rant, yeah, it irks me when my customers don’t pay me for my time. Why, because it makes it harder to pay my bills, yes, but moreso: the disrespect. Not saying hello to me. Not having the courtesy to wear shirt or pants. That’s what pisses me off.
I still do just fine with what I make in this shitty ass area because I’m not a greedy fuck and I budget well. My car’s paid off, I have money in my bank account, and I take vacations to 4 star hotels. I do this because I don’t blow all my money on booze, loosies, and lotto tickets, like everyone else in my neighborhood. That’s the other crap that pisses me off. As I mentioned, these wounds are self-inflicted. They don’t have to live in a shithole with no money, they piss away their money and turn their neighborhood into a shithole.
This thread is a slap in the face to those people. Wake up, and start respecting yourself, and others.
I really don’t give a flying fuck about the money. Respect first. Paying me what I’m worth flows naturally from that. That’s also part of respect. That means more to me than cash. Cash is just a thing. Respect causes society to be less shitty.
This is just tripe. You can’t sell me this saccharine hopeful shit. You might sell that line to someone who busted their ass to a big banking firm only to watch his job get pissed away because someone above him took stupid risks and blew the whole company to shit.
A lot of what happens in this society is not directly related to what you put into it, but also how people treat one another. With a me-first fuck everyone else greedy fuck attitude, wall street goons fucked over this country, and fucked over millions of hard working people who believed your line about the money you make is entirely a function of your own ability to earn it.
I’ve watched family members screw up their health and their family life, giving everything to companies, who promptly sold out, made the owners rich, and bailed on the folks who bled for them, and didn’t give them that retirement package or the stock options they promised.
Society is not hurt by people who work hard in entry level jobs. Society is harmed by people disrespecting other people, particularly in the business world, where livelihoods can be ruined by sociopaths bent with greed.
To blow off steam. I can’t say this stuff to the numbskulls at the door, I want to actually be promoted, not fired.
But, it needed to be said. And some people enjoyed it. It’s the Pit, where we flame those deserving of it. I’m good now. Hell, people are asking me about the delivery fee and shit, which is the entire point of my name. I’m a happy fuck.
Spread the good word- the delivery fee is bullshit!
This is why your advice sucks.
I’m not telling you this to flame you, Goober. I promise. I think you’re trying to help and I’m being honest by telling you, anonymous dude on the internet to anonymous Goober, your advice is wrong. Your advice has every trite no-think solution that required no effort on your part.
Sometimes people can’t move. Sometimes they have family they need to take care of. Sometimes they are underwater with their mortgages. Now, I’m lucky, my problems aren’t that dire that I can’t move, but you know what? Fuck that noise.
I’m not running away every time adversity strikes. I’m here as I said, because it’s hard. Because some wimpy folks can’t take the heat, and that’s why I was promoted 6 months after hire. Because this is the pressure cooker, and I thrive in it.
I have a fast ticket to another promotion and a salaried job and one hell of a resume. Move away? Your advice used no thought, and would harm me. As such, I’m dismissing you as a good advisor.
With all due respect. You didn’t care to actually think about the problem at all. And this isn’t about me. As I said, I’m moving up. This is about all my friends who can’t get promoted with me. Everyone in our society cannot be management. Someone has to be labor. And it would be nice if we didn’t treat them in such a fucked up manner.
I… SAID… GOOD… DAY! 
As a USPS Letter Carrier that delivers door-to-door, I heartily endorse this pitting.
Oh fuck me sideways. You and I are like kin. You see all that mess that I see.
You get the old ladies with the 37 cats, and you can smell the pee from outside the house, about 10 yards away.
You get to see the guy who has 100 pizza boxes stacked within view of the front door, and he lives alone.
You get to see the nudists who don’t get dressed to come to the door.
And the folks who never, ever tie up their dogs that bite, or put them in the bathroom when the delivery man arrives. Because it would damage Fido’s delicate psyche to be trapped in a moderately sized room for five fucking minutes, right?
Pizza delivery and mail delivery, it’s not so different. You see the utter dregs of humanity, and they can’t even be nice to you to make up for their otherwise fucked up personalities. It’s bad when they have no redeeming qualities. Well, you’re poor, but at least you’re ugly, nasty, stinky, *and *anti-social.
:smack:
An excellent pitting of a slice ( pun intended ) of America that I am thankfully not in contact with. Home delivery of prepared food like pizza in Luanda is unfortunately, quite rare but when we are stateside we are quite generous.
Somewhat related to this post is this story from Reader’s Digest that tells us the secrets they have uncovered about Pizza delivery guys.
We only recently started getting occasional deliveries from a local pizza joint. Before that, I used to drive to PapaJohn’s myself and pick up my own order. (Then Whiny John started bitching that he’d have to charge an extra 14 cents per pizza to afford insurance for his employees, and I quit buying his product.)
Anyway, this local place has a fairly big menu. I think we’re on the outer reaches of their delivery area, so it’s rarely less than an hour to get here, but I don’t care. Their food is good, and if it’s a little cold, I’ve got a working oven - no biggie. And because I appreciate being able to stay home while they cook my food and bring it to me, I probably over-tip, and always in cash, even tho I charge my meal.
OK, the generous tipping is probably manipulative on my part. I want the drivers to remember me and give me good service. It’s worth investing $5 on a couple of calzones and a salad brought to my door. (I figure I’d burn $3 in my own gas, not to mention having to spend 30-ish minutes in traffic round-trip.) So, reassure me that good tippers are remembered by address, please!!! 
I’m not suggesting anyone ever lie. I drive an high performance import and pay a fraction of what you do. My wife and I together pay half what you’re charged. My surprise was that your rate is so high but if there’s a reason for that then it is what it is.
I tip a solid 20%. I order from a place where the tab for a pizza and a salad commonly comes to $20-$25, depending on the pizza. The 20% tip every time guarantees that when they tell me it will be “about an hour”, my food usually arrives within 30 minutes. In fact, I’ve had the delivery woman actually call to tell me she’s been delayed and to apologize! This tells me that most people don’t tip for shit, even though this is a pretty good neighborhood.
If you’re understaffed, next time you’re delivering, bring a stack of employment applications.
And drop them off at the homes that don’t tip…
Amen! Your good customers will want decent pizzas. You will, of course, have some customers that would be happier with crappy pizzas if they’re free, but I think that most people would rather have a decent pizza delivered hot and within a reasonable time. And, of course, giving away free product means higher expenses which can’t be recovered. Having a good worker means that not only can you get those pizzas delivered today, you can rely on that worker to deliver or make the pizzas tomorrow.
As for tipping, I figured it was worth a few bucks to get something delivered. If my time is so valuable that I don’t want to be bothered to run to the restaurant to pick up the pizza, then obviously I do value delivery. Back when we were ordering delivery pizza on a regular basis, I’d get the total, put on some clothes, and write a check for the pizza plus the tip. The delivery folks seemed to be fine with getting the tip on the check. Apparently, a lot of people in my old neighborhood didn’t tip, or otherwise caused problems, because a couple of the chains quit delivering in that area. And we had NO independent pizza places nearby. Now we live in a better neighborhood, and I’ve found at least one indie parlor.
I always over-tip, but mainly because I want my stuff to get there fast.
One thing to add about tipping - if its shitty weather out, tip even more than you would normally. Especially if you live in an urban area where the delivery people are riding bikes and not driving. If I would tip $5 in normal weather, ill tip $7 in bad weather. That extra two bucks is more than worth it if it means I don’t have to drag my ass out in shit weather.
When we had the blizzard in NYC a few weeks back I ordered sushi from a place literally around the corner from me (I live on 80th and 2nd, the restaurant was on 82nd and 2nd). The bill I think came to around $25. Normally, I’d tip $5 - that mother fucker delivered my stuff in a blizzard 25 minutes after I placed the order. He deserved every penny of the $10 I gave him.
On the flip side, I have no problem tipping zero for shitty service - both at a sit-down restaurant or delivery. You take an hour to deliver from 3 blocks away you can kiss my ass. Even better is tipping something like 50 cents - I think thats even more effective than tipping nothing.