I really need help with a medium-long hairstyle

I have been struggling with my hair for a while now. It really feels like it has no style. It is just past my shoulders and my boyfriend loves it long. But I don’t feel like it can have any style while it is this length. I have tried different colors and I have tried cutting some layers into it. I have tried with and without bangs. It is straight and heavy and it just hangs. I don’t want to spend time with a curling iron or a lot of hairspray in the morning either.

I felt I had come up with the perfect compromise for us - the inverted bob. Long in the front and short in the back. Sleek and stylish and easily dried. A little bit spunky but also still professional. I showed the following pictures to my boyfriend and he recoiled in horror:



“But it would be so short in the back. No man alive likes short hair more than long hair.”

So. I turn to you for ideas. Is there some way I can get some style with my medium-long boring shaggiesh brown hair? Should I ignore my boyfriend’s pleas and get it done the way I like? (This is what I am leaning toward.) Is there some other hairstyle option that I should consider that we might both be happy with?

I really like the bob in the first link. The second link is kinda scary looking. It’s your hair, get it cut any way you want; the bf will just have to learn to love it.


I think the point of a woman’s hairstyle is to make her feel like she looks great. Obviously your BF’s choice of your hairstyle doesn’t do that for you.

If you love your new hairstyle he’ll most likely learn to love it too. And even if he doesn’t, he’ll still love you.

(Also note that there’s a big difference between “I love your hair” and “I love the way you look with that hairstyle” - in my experience, guys do love long hair, but they also often love the way individual women look with non-long hairstyles, even if they don’t have the vocabulary to say so.)

ETA: also, even if we should put mens’ opinions on our hairstyles ahead of our own, it’s completely untrue that no man alive prefers short hair to long.

Not a big fan of the inverted bob. On the other hand, my hair is about the same length yours is, and I know what you mean about the style (or lack thereof) issue–although straight does not exactly describe my hair.

So, I guess, I vote for “go for it”–what’s the worst that will happen? You’ll hate it and let your hair grow again. Or hate it, get it cut so it isn’t so angular, and then let it grow. Boyfriend isn’t the only person whose opinion of you matters–your boss and your co-workers matter. And of course YOUR opinion of your appearance matters.

Well, cowgirl’s said it all. I’m just posting so I’ll be sure to see how it turns out. :slight_smile:

Personally I would vote that the first picture is too long in the back…

As for an answer to your troubles, dunno. Maybe try to start working with hats and pins and other doodads and make your hair be more than just hair?

Boyfriend needs to mind his own damned business. When he’s the one washing it and styling it every day, then he can have a say in it. If you’re going to get a new do, get exactly what YOU want - don’t compromise for somebody who really has no say in it.

I like the asymmetry of Rihanna’s cut - the other one looks a teeny bit soccer-momish to me.

I have a friend who has her hair cut like the first picture you link, and it’s really cute on her. Not soccer mom-ish at all. She’s about 19, and has dark, dark brown hair, overdyed red with streaky blonde highlights. I think to avoid the soccer mom look, it’s important to have some sort of highlights and to accessorize. My friend wears headbands/scarves a lot, and she often wears lots of funky jewelry – chunky earrings, dramatic necklaces, etc.

The second link makes me think that the person is trying too hard for attention, but that might just be me projecting.

Try it. I had waistlength hair for a long time, and the only guys I had hitting on me were men my dad’s age or very vaguely creepy ones. I got it cut to above my shoulders and voila! Nice boys. So there are guys out there that like short hair; they just don’t know it yet.

Our daughter has an inverted bob. She’s been wearing her hair that way for a long time, and she loves it. She’s also got frosted tips at the front, and it looks great. No matter if she’s being dressy, or if she’s being a slob, her hair always looks good with that style!

Wear your hair the way you want it, samm. If your boyfriend loves you, he’ll love your hair as well. Good luck, and I hope you find a style you really like!

I had longer hair for a while - I was trying to grow it out, and it got just past my shoulders. It drove me bonkers, and I wasn’t happy. So I chopped it off short. Really short. And my husband loves it - he’s told me that I look better and cuter with short hair. If it’s your hair that your boyfriend is attached to, well…

Go for it - it’s possible that he’ll love the change too.

As for me, the inverted bob wouldn’t work on me, but I’ve seen it super cute on other women that it does work for. Give it a try! It’s just hair, it’ll grow back.

Agreed. Mr. S loved my spiky short cut because he could stick his fingers in it and muss it up without fear of reprisals – unlike women who style their hair to perfection with all kinds of goop and then don’t want their man to touch it for fear of wrecking “the look.” (As if gooped-up hair is any fun to touch anyway!)

Ditto on this. But I gotta say, neither choice looks low-maintenance to me. You’re gonna have to fuck with your hair no matter what.

That said, I like the second, asymmetrical 'do. My brother calls it The Halfa Haircut. Only problem is, it is a look you’ll have to work a bit harder to maintain. Good luck, and boyfriend’s opinion should only carry so much weight. They all want long-haired Ultra Godiva Hookers. Very few of us can fill that bill.

Can you learn to love the various ways you can pull long hair back?

I also have long, straight style-less hair that my spouse likes much better than anything short or shorter. Now, I’m too lazy to invest much time or effort in the various things you can do with long hair (hello, ponytail or bun, every single day). However, some of what I see online or on other girls/women is inspiring. Interesting braids, cute ponytails, buns, updos using chopsticks and banana clips, pulling back smaller sections, etc.

How about getting your hair cut any way you like, and buying a wig (maybe a whole outfit) to wear for boyfriend on…special occasions? :smiley:

You guys are great. I am just waiting for my hairdresser to call me back to make the appointment. I think I will try for something right in between the soccer mom and the pop star look. I agree that a bit of color would really perk it up but I am too cheap to have that done professionally and too scared to try the streaks on myself. I screw up the whole-hair dye about a third of the time as it is.

featherlou you have some really excellent suggestions. I love the proposal of leaving my hair the way it is if the boyfriend will wash and style it every morning and I love the idea of getting a wig too. Both sound fun!

I have long, wavy hair now. The advice I am posting is from when I was still willing to do something with my hair other than run a pick through it in the morning and braid it at night. I let my daughter trim the ends every few months.

One day, many years ago, I decided I didn’t want medium-length, shapeless hair anymore. I had a stylist that I trusted and asked him what I should do. I wanted to go shorter, but he was hesitant because I have red hair and everybody likes it longer. We started out with a style that was a little shorter. When time for the next cut, we tried something a little different because I still wasn’t happy. We spent about six months trying various things. I just didn’t know what I wanted.

Then I took my kids to a mall hair place (cheap cuts for the kids!). While they were getting their hair cut, a different stylist came up and asked me if he could cut my hair. He offered to do it for free…anything if he could cut it. He had a style he wanted me to try and he was sure it was perfect. I warned him that I have approximately 400 cowlicks along my hairline and throughout my wavy hair. I told him the way my hair looks wet is no predicter of how it will look dry. He didn’t care…he wanted to cut it. I went temporarily insane and decided to let him cut it.

I spent the next three years with the perfect short hair cut, that everyone loved…even the ones who were disappointed that I had my red hair cut short. It was very easy to maintain…just wash and go. I loved it. The men of the world loved it. The only problem was that I had to have it cut regularly–every five weeks. But I loved that cut.

I started growing it out shortly before I moved away from my stylist. Now I can’t find anyone here who I trust to cut my hair so I just keep it long. But sometimes I think, I could make a 200 mile drive every five weeks to have Gary cut my hair and I could go back…

My point, and I do have one, is to do what you want. But since you have longish hair, you can try many things along the way and you should take advantage of that opportunity.

stretch, don’t just tell me you had the perfect cut, I need to know what it was and how it looked! Can you describe it? Do you have any photos?

In between posting this post and my last post my hairdresser called and he will see me on July 5th!

I know a girl who did this. She had a few wigs and changed it up all the time. Actually, that would be fun!

Count me on the side that disagrees with the “fuck him, do what you want” crowd.

It’s pretty insensitive to deliberately change your appearance to something you know the person you’re with finds unattractive. Sure, nothing is stopping you from doing it, but you’re with a real human being who has real feelings, and I can see how he might get pretty upset that his opinion isn’t even a consideration.

My wife hates facial hair. I think I look dashing with a little beard, but I keep it shaved because I value her opinion, and care about how I look to her. And that’s not even comparable to the permanence of cutting off years worth of hair on a whim. Have a little sensitivity, and don’t just rush into a decision because “if he loves you he’ll get over it.” Maybe reverse the situation, and think “if I loved him, I wouldn’t ignore his opinion.”

There’s a difference between, “I like you with long hair” and “I forbid you to cut your hair off,” and the boyfriend here is coming off as closer to the latter than the former. There’s also the whole historical “women as chattel being told what to do” thing that is still a tetchy point with a lot of women. Your beard doesn’t have the same baggage as a guy telling a woman what to do with her hair. (But I do see your point.)