I thought about posting this under one of the “Most embarrassing moments” threads, or perhaps under one of the “Stupid things you’ve done” threads. However I don’t think they really capture the essence of this story and so I decided to start my own thread to highlight it’s depravity.
Here goes. sigh It was Saturday afternoon and my father in law came over to help me install a sink (along with appropriate plumbing and drain) in the basement. In order to do this I needed to cut off the old ABS pipe and gooseneck with a hacksaw so we could fit on the new plumbing. So, after much work, I clasped in my hands a gooseneck pipe full of the most disgusting, downright awful mixture of sludge, shit, and miscellaneous unidentifiable biohazardous material I had ever beheld. This crap smelled worse than any other like-size volume of fecal matter or bodily waste I had ever experienced. Truly nasty. The father in law advised me to dump it in the toilet and then throw away the gooseneck. So I carried the gooseneck upstairs being careful to hold it in an upright position to ensure that not a drop is spilled. I took a left down the hallway, opened the door to the bathroom, and dumped the liquid-sin down the toilet.
I must pause and cringe for a moment as I recollect the pure idiocy that next transpired. My IQ must have dropped to single digit numbers in the space of 5 minutes… for I, I… I flushed the toilet!
Still not realizing the extent of my nefarious deed I started to leave the bathroom when I heard my mother in law running up the stairs yelling “Who flushed the toilet!”.
blood drains from Grims face
Oh shit!
Yes indeedy. It was a direct hit. Gravity worked perfectly well at my house. The shit behaved according to the laws of physics, traveled down the length of pipe, into the basement, and into my FIL’s waiting arms.
The same thing (well, sort of) happened to my bf when he was installing some plumbing downstairs at his house. He had disconnected the main drainage pipe, when his roommate took a crapper upstairs and flushed it right onto him. Not a happy camper, that. But it was hilarious when he told me that night (after he took a shower!)
At a rock festival, I once witnessed a few guys shaking a Dixi (don’t ask, it’s a name over here, kind of like “Xerox”) back and forth, and then… turning it over.
The German guy exiting it a few seconds later was covered in 2 days and 600 people worth of urine and crap. He paused for a second, in complete rage, and then knocked out the guy that laughed hardest. By pure luck, this was actually one of the guys that did it.
My dad was installing a new electrical socket in the wall of the dining room. He cut the required hole in the wall… only to find some sort of loose wooden board behind the drywall. It wiggled a bit when he pushed it, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He finally decided that when the house was being built, someone must have dropped the board down there and figured it wasn’t worth retrieving.
The easiest thing to do would be to simply cut a hole in it, as well, so the new junction box would fit. So he got a jigsaw and cut a neat hole in the board. Just as he finished, his wife got a phone call - in order to have some quiet in the kitchen while she talked, she pulled the sliding door closed… and my dad watched his newly-made hole slide smoothly away.
At one of my friends schools they used to do something similar they called smurfing. They would wait until the Jocks(the natural enimies of the punk comunity)would go into the portapotties by the ball field, and then push it over. Door side down, so the enraged football playe couldnt exit, and was coverd with the blue crap they put in the bottow of the things(hence the name).
Okay.
Friend of mine works as an air hostess.
Her name:Siobhan.
Correct pronunciation: Shivon
She was tralking to an American customer ona flight one day and was told “well goodness my daughters name is
Sio-ba-han too!”
Took her a while to figure out. Somewhere out there there’s a little girl who is in for a shock one day.
My buddy John installed a wiper delay in his old truck himself. Found a power wire to tap into, hooked it up to the wipers, tested it, everything worked fine.
Wouldn’t work while he was driving. Much frustration ensued, as he troubleshot and troubleshot and troubleshot and it always worked fine while he was under the dash poking at it, but never on the road.
One day he clipped an indicator light onto his power wire; sure enough, it glowed red; he had 12 volts, just like it was supposed to. He shut the door. The light went off. He opened the door. The light went on. He shut the door. The light went off.
He had tapped into his dome light circuit to power the wiper delay…
