I Should Be A Monk

I think becomming a monk would give me an excellent excuse for being celibate for my entire life. Also, if I were a monk people might actually listen to what I say. I could spend my days reading and studying many quaint and curious volumes of forgotten lore. Nobody would think me antisocial for keeping to myself. Any eccentricities I might have would be smiled at, but not ridiculed.

The only drawback is the religious part. I’m not sure an atheist monk would be very welcome in a monastery. Therefore, I hereby found the Secular Demure Monastery Brotherhood, or SDMB.

Membership to the SDMB is open to all males of any color, creed, or persuasion, with the exception of any that have had any nookie of any sort in the past month. Any Brothers found to have gotten nookie will be temporarily banished from the SDMB until they have been celibate for one month.

We can spend our time reading, or doing poetry recitals, or perhaps performing plays. Or maybe just sit and contemplate the universe. Anything at all to take our minds off the fact that we can’t get none.

(This thread paid for by BK Has Entirely Too Much Time On His Hands Inc.)

Yep, I must be a founding “member”, I’m working on my doctorate in celebacy.

Welcome Brother! :slight_smile:

You just make certain you keep that secret handshake to yourself there knighty, OK?

If one can provide the SDMB “Temple” where we can all live and practice our researching abilities with room and board taken care of, then you can call me Brother Soul if you like :wink:

Oh, but that celibate thing just won’t do for me… It’s not like I care one way or the other, I’m just that easy…

I don’t think I’m gonna be very comfortable living with all you fellow monks. Aren’t there a few sympathetic monkettes out there?

Become a computer scientist. The lifestyle is identical to a monk’s, but the pay is better. And instead of illuminated manuscripts, we have LCD screens.

I think the trick to ending a slump is to stop worrying so much about it. That, and a healthy application of Nair to the genital region.

But hey, if you’re gonna be a monk, keep in mind that Fat Tuesday is just around the corner. What are you going to give up for Lent?

Celibacy, of course.

sticks on fake mustach I d be a good monkette -

Yes - got a boyfriend but he lives abroad so I am as celibate as it gets.

the monk with the boobs

Sounds good. Mind if I call you Chip?

“celibate for my entire life.” Nope, can’t do that. I’m VERY nicely married. And Mrs. Tygr gets cranky if we go too long without…

“…people might actually listen to what I say.” Nope. I’m phenomenally important, so they do that anyway.

“…could spend my days reading and studying many quaint and curious volumes of forgotten lore.” Nope. I refuse to read anything written before I was born. It just can’t be all that important. Besides all the GOOD books have been made into even better movies.

“Nobody would think me antisocial for keeping to myself.” No way! The world doesn’t get enough exposure to the wonderfulness that is me as it is. (I simply MUST get my prime-time TV show going.)

“Any eccentricities I might have would be smiled at, but not ridiculed.” I don’t HAVE any eccentricities. YOU people should know that already. I’m the MOST normal person in the world.

“The only drawback is the religious part.” Sorry. I AM a religion - those looking for spiritual guidance may feel free to worship ME.
Hmmm. Say, BlackKuhnnig-hit have yer got anything for an *Anti-*monk?

Whoop. Hold that thought.

“The monk with the boobs”? Okay, NOW I’m getting, ah, intetested…

Actually, that’s what I’m in school for! :eek:

Don’t worry. I shake with my right hand and … well, you get the idea.


Er, slump isn’t quite the right word. A slump implies that there was something to slump down from.

In the past, I’ve always given up fasting for Lent. But I’ll keep your suggestion in mind! :slight_smile: