I smoke.

The BBQ Pit
1

Thank you for allowing me, an evil satanic moronic idiot, an audience. I will now take questions from the unwashed masses.

Why do you smokers…
Hold on there, Sally. I do not call myself a “smoker”, just as a person who frequently has a beer or a glass of wine with dinner doesn’t call themselves a “drinker”. Nor does a person who kicks in $5 for the yearly office Super Bowl pool deem themselves a “gambler”. Smokers, drinkers and gamblers certainly do exist. But most of us don’t do so to the extent that would justify labeling us as such. Next question.

Everybody knows that smoking is bad for you. So what are you, an idiot?
Not at all, Hortence. Many people engage in activity that is, in retrospect, unwise while in college. I started smoking then. And it’s a bitch to quit. Anyone who didn’t do anything mildly careless in college may cast the first stone. thonk Ow! Cut it out, Jesus.

But smoking causes cancer.
So does lying out on the beach. And drinking can lead to cirrhosis. And recreational sex can lead to the clap. And going to Sleater-Kinney concerts can lead to tinnitus. Face it, Chet. Just about any activity that has a pleasant side effect carries a risk. So just because a behavior is somewhat self-destructive doesn’t make it evil. And it doesn’t make the participant a self-loathing moron.

But smoking affects everyone around you. Drinking doesn’t.
Ah right you are, Fabian. We all know the stories about how someone was killed by a person who got behind the wheel of a car after smoking a pack of Newports. Or about the girl who got taken advantage of after puffing more Capris than she could handle. Or about the guy who punches people’s faces in every time he gets a few Camel Lights in him. An excellent point.

But your second hand smoke is killing me!
See that Celica in the parking lot, Oberon? The one you drove here? That thing constantly cranks out hundreds of cubic meters of poisony toxicy fumes from the minute you turn the ignition to the time you shut her off and pop out your Whitesnake tape. On a horridly bad day I’ll smoke a dozen cigarettes. Most of them in my own apartment. Plus I don’t drive. So who’s polluting the air more?

But people who smoke are such assholes. The carelessly toss their butts onto the sidewalk, making Italians dressed as Indians cry. They flick their lit butts out the car window where they ricochet off of innocent Hell’s Angels and land in dry underbrush causing forest fires that will ultimately leave Smokey the Bear a charred lifeless husk.
OK there, Floyd. Smoking and assholism are two independent properties. If the SDMB has taught you anything, it should be that not all Christians are assholes, not all liberals are assholes, not all Mac users are assholes. So why shouldn’t this apply to people who smoke?

But didn’t you admit to tossing ciggie buts yourself in another thread, Alpha? Are you an asshole?
Yes to both questions, Hugo. But I’m very handsome so it’s all good. Plus I don’t resort to litter anymore, as since I have cut back with my smoking, I usually only smoke in areas where the butts can be disposed of properly. The point of being devil’s advocate in that thread was because I found that the idea of whining about smokers littering was silly since not all smokers litter and not all litterers smoke. Plus it was getting tiresome hearing some posters patting themselves on the back for proudly announcing that they themselves don’t litter.

Hey, buster, littering is WRONG. And I can say that since I never litter EVER!
Pin a rose on you, Koko. Sadly, Lady Bird Johnson isn’t currently available for award ceremonies. Your heroism will go unnoticed.

But smokers always light up in my apartment without asking and blow smoke into the faces of my infant son, my kitten and my box turtle.
The people who do that are assholes. See the question before the last one, Fallopia. I don’t do that.

So what are you, some kind of pro-smoking person? You gonna protest the No Smoking section of a restaurant? You gonna teach your kids how to smoke?
Don’t be stupid, Jub Jub. It’s a disgusting habit. If smoking disappeared entirely, I would be fine with that. If I felt I could quite smoking without blowing up like a balloon and having the urge to strangle people at random I would in a second. I plan on quitting sometime very soon.

So then why even post this crap?
Because self-gratification at the expense of others is dumb, Chaci. When it comes to smoking, you might be Gallant and I, Goofus. But I guarantee you that everyone here can be derided for some behavior or another by others who don’t engage in that behavior. Yeah, I smoke. But you’re divorced, and you’re in a draining codependent relationship you’re too chicken to leave, and this guy masturbates to fake snuff films, that guy uses the work “cockblocker”, and that dude over there has every episode of Jesse on tape. For everything you deride in others, there are a hundred things about you that are worthy of derision. It’s the human condition. It sucks, but eventually the cool embrace of death will rescue us all.

But this is the Pit! I can bitch about smokers that piss me off, right?
Bitch away, Pedro. But you do yourself and humanity a disservice if you unfairly generalize people who smoke and imply that people who enjoy a smoke are scum and that you are a superior life form for not smoking.

Hey I know I’m on your ass all the time about how stupid it is to smoke, but I’ve had like three Malibu Bay Breezes in a row. Can I bum a smoke?
sigh Sure. Happens all the time, Kendra.

2

So those self-identified smokers who clamor for “smoker’s rights” (and seemingly referring to ALL people who smoke when they do so) are guilty of generalizing as well?

Get back to me when you “smokers”…er “people who smoke”…er “people who make the choice to occasionally light up”…figure out what you wish to be called. In the mean time, don’t fret when the rest of us refer to you as “smokers”. :rolleyes:

3

The first step is to admit you have a problem. You can probably handle this one. However, the step that requires admitting a higher power may be tough for you. I mean what higher power is there than a SDMB Mod?

DaLovin’ Dj

4

Get back to me when you “smokers”… figure out what you wish to be called.
Yeah, beag, I’ll bring that up at the weekly meetings we hold. Hopefully the Gay Agenda meeting that uses the room before us will wrap up early that night.

If I felt as if I was representing the opinions of a well defined group you would have seen “We do not call ourselves ‘smokers’…” I speak for myself. There really is no “we”. Which was kind of my point, really.

dj, I’ll have to ask an admin for assistance. Which means rubbing Gaudere’s feet. Again.

5

Very funny OP!

Alphagene, may I print this and post it at my job’s Designated Smoking Area? The Designated Smoking Area is next to an overflowing Dumpster, so we could use a morale boost.

6

I agree with Alphagene.

While I have been smoke free for six weeks, I chose to smoke, and then I chose to quit. It wasn’t easy, and it took effort as well as will power.

Yet just because I quit doesn’t mean that others lose their rights to make their own choices.

And if someone is smoking around me, I can walk away.

7

Thankfully I am not labeled an “eater” or even a “farter” or “shitter.” :slight_smile:

I enjoyed the OP. I empathize with people who have a hard time stopping habits, whether it’s smoking or over eating, etc. It took me a while to develop tolerance for certain things, having grown up with a chain smoking mom.

Peaceful coexistence…

8

Huh.

Guess you have a different meaning for “us”?

9

Sally? Hortence? Chet?

Your friends have some weird fuckin’ names, Alpha.

10

Aw jeez. Then allow me to clarify my OP.

But in my opinion most of us don’t do so to the extent that would justify labeling us as such.

Personally, I think it is rather clear that my entire OP was a statement of my personal stance on this topic since it is my screen name, and mine alone, listed as the author. But if anyone else truly felt that the opinions I delineated precisely represented the mindset of every single human being, living or dead, who has ever placed a cigarette to their lips then I can only offer my humblest apologies.

11

Whaaa?
Look, 'Gene, if you can’t handle it, let me know. I, for one, would rub Gaud’s feet in a hot second.
(Oh, the OP? Yeah, I agree. Well done.)

12

Well of course I didn’t suggest that.

You said (essentially) “Don’t call me a smoker” and that basically hardly anyone smokes enough to qualify as being called a “smoker”.

(as if us dumb non-smokers just don’t have a clue as to what to call folks who smoke).

I pointed out that pret-near all the folks I know who smoke, call themselves smokers at one time or another, or use the term “smoker” as part of another idea (like “smoker’s rights”). Therefore, it seems silly to expect non-smokers to not refer to you (or anybody who smokes) as a “smoker”, when that seems to be a commonly accepted term used by lots of smokers to describe themselves and other smokers.

If you prefer to be called “a man of singularly refined oral fixations”…then groovy by me.

13

These names can be word scrambled to spell out the following phrase?

*Teens cry “eat hot hell”. *

Coincidence? Combined with the “us” part of the conspiracy (so aptly pointed out by our resident beagle) can we assume that Alphagene is secretly representing angered teen smokers? What? Oh. Sorry. I was on Richard Hoagland’s website today. After an hour of reading his latest I see conspiracies everywhere. I need to eat something.

DaLovin’ Dj

14

Alphagene - try my method of quitting - get pregnant.

wha?

Seriously - the only thing, and I do mean the only thing keeping me from smoking again is the knowledge that I’d have to quit again. And I couldn’t face that.

15

I quit almost 2 years ago but I have a few questions.

  1. How much does a pack of smokes cost now?

  2. Doesn’t beer taste better with a smoke? Doesn’t coffee.
    The thing I remember was that the minute someone started nagging me about smoking, I would get this urge to go light up a fresh cigarette.

16

Feel better, Old Gold breath? Jeez, it is to laugh to see otherwise perfectly intelligent people turn into Ted frickin Kazcynski when someone points out that smoking is unhealthy and icky.

You can justify the existence of cars. If you didn’t live in NYC, there’s a very good chance you’d be driving. But there truly is no justification regarding the existence of cigarettes. Plus, your rights end at the end of your nose, man. Cigarettes intrude into other folks’ personal space in a variety of distasteful ways.

It’s my personal theory that these otherwise intelligent people turn into raving paranoiacs on the subject of smoking because, deep down, they are terrified, TERRIFIED, that they are giving themselves cancer and cannot bear to think about it. So they vociferously attack even the mildest anti-smoking observation.

So there. Signed, essvee, who was smoking 2.5 packs of Winstons a day when he quit 15 years ago. And still jones for the nasty things every once in a while.

17

brujo

  1. Cost depends on where you are. Mine are 3.79 a pack here in OK.

  2. I don’t know about beer and coffee, but tequila sure tastes better.

and I think I love Alphagene now.

18

As everyone must know now, I don’t drive. Can I bitch at you now?

19

Blah blah blah blah blah. According to about a zillion Google links, the single most common cause of house fire fatalities in the United States is careless smoking. So don’t be disingenuous.

20

Only if you can also guarantee that you never fart, either. :smiley:

So, clearly, we must weed out and destroy careless people.