I Stepped On a Kitten Fetus!!!! A Kitten FETUS!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I awake this afternoon, from dreams of being pursued by a homicidal wife killing doctor and hiding out on the roof of WTC 1 (WTC 2 having been destroyed years ago in the terrorist attacks of 9/11, doncha know) to discover that it is, the afternoon. I hadn’t planned to sleep so late as I’ve got a number of things that I need to accomplish today. I leverage myself out of bed, and stagger towards the bathroom to rid my bladder of the contents of last night’s drinks when my brain gets an urget email from the ball of my left foot.

I open my eyes, look down, and since I’m not wearing my glasses, I see a fuzzy blurr sticking out from the side of my foot. Hmm, that’s not right. I wonder what the hell that is? I bet one of the cats drug another dead bird in. Lifting my foot and bending down to get a better look at whatever it is (and I’m really repulsed at the thought that I might have stepped on a dead bird), when the object in question suddenly comes into focus. Looking like a cross between the thing on the poster for the movie Prophecy and a naked mole rat, lying on the floor is, what I realize is a kitten fetus!

Suddenly, my head’s filled with the “Red Alert” sound from Kill Bill Vol. 1 and I’m hopping on one foot towards the bathtub, trying to maintain some semblance of masculinity and not scream like a little girl or perform an impersonation of the “green pea soup” scene of The Exorcist.

I get to the tub, wash and dry my foot, and then think: I have to be the one to clean it up! That’s one thing that really sucks about living alone, if something disgusting comes along, you have to be the one that handles it. Having to do one or the other is bad enough, but stepping in it, and then cleaning it up is just horrific. Stll, ya gotta do, what you gotta do.

Grabbing a bunch of plastic grocery sacks, I manage to scoop the carcass up without making skin contact with it. Then I think, “Uh, Squeaker’s been spending a lot of time under the bed the past couple of weeks. If she’s the one that had this, then there’s probably others under the bed.” :eek:

Screwing up my courage, I bend down to look under the bed. Thankfully, however, instead of there being this huge, disgusting mass of protoplasm and kitten fetuses, there’s only one kitten fetus under there. I will, however, have to move the bed to get to it. Carefully checking the bottom of the bags to make sure that there’s no holes where kitten fetus parts or juices are getting out, I set it down on the floor, slide the bed over, pick the bags back up, grab the second fetus, work it into the bag (without making skin contact with the thing), and then set about finding my pants so I can stick the bag in the trash can outside.

Squeaker, it should be noted, is watching all of this with a, “Why’s the stupid biped acting all freaked out? Why isn’t he paying attention to me and giving me treats from the Magical Food Box[sup]TM[/sup]?” expression on her face. Once I disposed of the bodies in the trash and shaken off the willies, I promptly picked up Squeaker, gave her some affectionate pets and put her outside, so if anything else decides to ooze out of her, I hopefully won’t have to clean it up. Squeaker gives me a “I am so going to shit in your shoes the next chance I get.” look and promptly bounces off after one of the neighborhood cats whom she thinks has intruded too far into her territory.

2

Well, I wrecked the gate but you don’t hear me bragging!

3

That’s pretty good. It might make the top five in this thread.

4

It’s gross and sad, and the foot-to-brain email is great, but I do have to ask: why the hell have you not had Squeaker spayed? Bad Tuckerfan.

Also, picture of Squeaker required. You know it’s the rules.

5

Because when I’ve had the money to get Squeaker spayed, I haven’t had the time to do it, and when I’ve had the time to do it, I haven’t had the money. She also exhibited no signs of going into heat (she’s barely a year old), so she must have gotten knocked up about 2.5 seconds after going into heat.

Squeaker. I’m not taking pictures of the kitten fetuses.

6

Weren’t you trying to convince me in your last e-mail that there is supposedly some benefit to having cats? :stuck_out_tongue:

All the same, your story made me wanna throw up…e-mail was brilliant, though.

7

Well, hopefully this experience has helped you understand that having a cat comes with the inescapable responsibility of *making * time.

8

Keep her inside until you have both the time and the money.

9

Well, I tell you what, pal, you convince my employer to do one of the following: 1.) Relocate to some place closer to where I live. 2.) Figure out how to schedule things in a rational matter, so we’re not switching from 80 hour work weeks to 30 hour work weeks constantly. 3.) Changing my start times at work almost weekly. Or 4.) Changing what times I get off work almost daily.

Or, you can try convincing the vets in the area to have hours more compatible with my work schedule than the ones they currently have now, or have a low cost neutering program.

Muffin, no can do. Squeaker has the annoying habit of shitting on the floor if I don’t let her out or giving her treats from the MFB.

10

Sorry dude, Squeaker’s utterly cute, but you don’t get a free pass. You owe it to her, if you’re going to let her co-mingle with male cats, to get her spayed. Take a 2 hour sickie or something.

Get her spayed or keep her in. No negotiation.

BTW, female cats go into first heat at about 3 months or before, usually.

11

Tuckerfan, don’t you have anyone you trust, who lives nearby who could drop your cat off and pick them up? :frowning: That could be an option, if you found out ahead of time how much it’s going to cost, and gave them the money? Look into it, please?

12

Er, no… I believe it’s more like 6-9 months, and that is considered early. 3 months?! Nope. They teeth about then. (IOW, they aren’t even fully mature at that point…) Most vets won’t spay a cat at younger than six months, I do believe.

13

Sorry, my bad.

14

No can do, at the moment. There’s all kinds of shake ups going on at work, and to do so puts me at greater risk of me getting the ax (and I’m on thin ice as it is). What good is getting the cat spayed if I wind up unemployed because of it? (Mind you, since I spent a good portion of 2005 bouncing from job to job, I don’t have a stable work history, and at least two of my most recent employers would not give me a good reference, finding a job would not be easy.)

Fine, if you agree to clean her cat shit up until I can do so. I barely have time to do that most days.

Zabali_Clawbane, unfortunately, no, or I would have done that already.

15

While I sympathize with you on getting such a gross surprise, I think it is important to figure out a way to get the cat spayed, even if that means having to give her up to someone who can spare more time/money. The problem will just get worse if the next batch of kittens is born live.
If you don’t have any local friends/family who can drop the cat off at the vet, perhaps you can try asking someone local on this messageboard or on a site like Craig’s List to help you. Since so many of us are animal lovers, I think someone would be willing to step up and help sooner than see more unwanted kittens come into the world.

16

Do you call your cat Squeaker because that’s the sound her babies make when you step on them?

1 ticket to hell please.

17

Here you go http://www.jbsbillet.com/neuter.htm . Reduced rates for spaying by your local humane society. It is this simple. Getting your pet spayed is as basic a responsibility as feeding them. If you can’t afford it then you need to do a lot better job budgeting instead of whining about the relatively trivial cost.

18

Well-nourished females can go into heat at five months or younger. The last vet I worked for would spay at any age as long as the kitten weighted at least three lbs. Some older vets still insist on waiting until 6 months - but if you let an unspayed 6-month old female outside you are most likely going to have a pregnant cat.

Tuckerfan, I really do recommend getting her to the vet as soon as you can. If she delivered underdeveloped kittens she may have internal issues. And do get her spayed as soon as you possibly can. If you keep letting her out unspayed you are going to end up with kittens. And probably a yard that smells like cat piss from the males she attracts.

19

If she is cannot be litter trained (I have never come across a cat that cannot be litter trained), then keep her in your bathroom while you are at work, and clean up the shit each time you return home.

20

Thanks, I’ve checked around, but somehow missed that program. I’ll give them a call and see when they’re going to be around next.

FYI, I had Squeaker’s mother fixed as soon as she was done nursing Squeaker and her littermates (who all went to the pound), and Squeaker would have been fixed before this if I hadn’t had to shell out $500+ to get my car repaired a few months back. Mind you, I need to get to a dentist as I’ve got a shattered molar which puts me in excruciating pain when it flares up, Squeaker will no doubt get fixed before I can get that taken care of, Squeaker will also probably be fixed either right before or right after (depending upon when my tax refund shows up) I pay my landlord for the back rent I owe him.

Muffin, she is litter trained. She just chooses to crap elsewhere when she’s mad at me. Locking her up in my bathroom is impossible as there’s no door on it (nor is it possible to put one on it due to the door jam design).