Well, actually, we did sleep together that night. I really hope that didn’t inspire any more masturbatory fantasies on this board.
I must say, I love this thread.
My dad raised my sister and I to find nothing more amusing than a good, eyebrow singeing, vociferous fart.
I know, it goes against everything you had envisioned of me, right? 
Anyway, my husband is in the “Farts Are Not Amusing” crowd; needless to say, we have our little wars every now and again.
Ditto.
Homer
In light of milk’s fart-inducing properties, they should change their slogan from: Got milk? to a much more appropriate Got fart? Instead of the milky mustache, paint an innocent-looking fart cloud ascending from the spokesperson’s ass. Presto! Milk consumption doubles, as does the atmosphere’s fart content. 
I’ll shut up now.
::goes away to have a glass of milk::
I came, I farted, I left (a stinking odor)–Julius Caesar. 
That is the sickest you have read today? Dude, what else have you been reading? A menage a trois between a homosexual, five-testicled hippopotamus, a pedophilic giraffe and a 5-foot-penis-endowed cockroach? A report affirming that someone cloned Roseanne Barr? Pics of Monica doing Clinton? Jar Jar Binks becoming a Jedi Master in Episode II?
Guess not everyone can delight in the presence of a good old fart. Fortunately, some people are more appreciative:
Bunnygirl
Damn it, why are all the good ones taken? 
I’m lactose intolerant in the way that the KKK is minority-intolerant. I just don’t like it. Well, milk anyway. I love cheese and ice cream and stuff, but milk? Gag.
So anyway, rather than try to explain this to people, I’ve started just telling them I’m lactose intolerant. It is kinda true, right?